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Episode 36

Sex Nerd Sandra

Virgin: The Sexual…

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Sex Nerd Sandra #36: Virgin: The Sexual Debutante

LATE BLOOMERS! HYMEN MYTHS! CHERRY POPPIN’ STORIES! Sandra corners filmmaker Therese Shechter into sharing insights from her upcoming documentary, How to Lose Your Virginity. BONUS: Sandra interviews an old friend who was once a virgin lover. What!? Topics include: Your Number, The Catch 22, Self Esteem Drop, Sexual Milestones, Lesbians and a Great Mirroring Trick.

Check out www.virginitymovie.com, follow @trixiefilms on Twitter and donate to the Kickstarter for the movie!

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And visit Sex Nerd Sandra’s website for more sexy nerdiness!

Special thanks to Carvin for supplying us with the equipment we need to record this podcast! Check out Carvin.com for more information on recording equipment, guitars, amps and more!

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11 comments

  • I’ve never been able to stay friends or even carry on a conversation with exes I’ve had sex with, but hearing this today kind of makes me think I’m missing out. I mean, it IS weird, sure, but anyone you’ve shared something that personal with is bound to have a unique point of view on who you are, or were, or whatever. Maintaining a healthy friendship with an ex-girlfriend HAS to be better than surgically removing her and anyone who knows we slept together from my life like a freaking weirdo.

  • I was quite disappointed by Therese Shechter. For someone that has talked to a lot of male virgins she seems to have a very poor understanding of how men can end up in this situation into their late 20s and beyond. And it’s not just the interview, the latest post on her website reflects the same thing. It’s like we don’t deserve the same consideration as women do, when it comes to investigating these issues. We’re lumped all together as “men”, so in every gender issues discussion we all start from the “privileged” position.

    Thanks Sandra for including the second segment. I realize you had to check in your “interview with someone I had sex with” v-card to bring us that segment, so it’s much appreciated.

  • I’m sorry you got that impression, Steve. There are a lot of posts on male virginity on the blog that reflect a diversity of views which you can see at http://www.virginitymovie.com/category/male-virginity/

    It’s true that my main area of investigation in this very huge subject is women, but the blog allows us to run many stories about male virginity, with the majority written by men about their own lives and in their own words.

    Please check out our First Person series, and if you’d like to contribute to that with your own experiences and thoughts, we’d love to run it.

    Here’s a recent post:http://www.virginitymovie.com/?p=4585

  • @Steve: I haven’t heard the broadcast yet, but what do you expect. This is a pretty complicated issue for everyone involved. Its hard to fully analyze something that you can never experience yourself. I don’t blame her from looking at this from a female perspective because that is all she has to refer to.

  • It’s always interesting when you hear a podcast and they can discuss so many things you can’t quite articulate and then they get hung up on a detail that you’ve been marinating on for a long time:

    I think the most likely consideration for “why was no one having sex in high school but it was expected in college” taps into a much deeper concept of human nature- that the “village” life of being around the same small group of people wherein you’re putting on airs at all times is incredibly stifling and that “life in the big city” as an adult allows us to find out what we personally believe as individuals.

  • As a non-bloomer, I found the comments on late male virginity interesting, bell-ringing but also a bit maddening. Therese assumes that these men “just didn’t take the opportunities available to them” when younger. This is an incorrect assumption for most such men.

    The fact is that some (most) of us DIDN’T HAVE ANY OPPORTUNITIES when younger, and even fewer when older. If as a teen you are not considered physically or sociably desirable to the girls, if your social skills are MIA, if you are a bit on the odd side or whatever, it is unlikely there will be such opportunities. When such is the case, social development slows or even halts, and you find yourself stuck in this mode. And it gets harder to get out of your mess the longer this goes on. And the years go by.

    We were not just passing up opportunities. Being a sexual mainstreamer you probably assumed that “everyone” has a surfeit of these opportunities. They don’t.

    One more thing I’ve noticed. Other people ask about my singleness and assume its due to ignorance, i.e., if I just knew how much fun sex was, then I’d join the party. This is similar to ignorant men who think they can cure a lesbian by showing them how great they are in bed.

    Thanks for this opportunity to vent some of my intellectual frustrations on this matter.

  • Leroy has a point. I too had no opportunities to lose my virginity when young. No girls expressed interest in me and those that I expressed interest in always shot me down in very unambiguous terms.
    But there is this assumption that we are just not taking advantage of opportunities. Even in the movie “40 Year Old Virgin” Steve Carrell, if I remember correctly, came very close to doing it even while in high school.
    Finally, after many a disappointment, at the age of 21 I had enough and during a vacation in Miami lost my virginity on the beach to a local hooker.
    Not having had more luck with regular girls/women since I have resigned myself now to have my sexual needs be done by the only women who would have sex with me – prostitutes.

  • I have a losing virginity story that might top absentmindedhousefwive. I have no idea where to share it, but think this might be the place. Not to mention, I always thought it was funny as fuck. Wonder where I could share?

  • As a 23 yo virgin who might be sexing soon, this podcast was really helpful/comforting to listen to. Sandra also that was really cool of you and your friend to talk so openly at the end. The hardest thing I think is figuring out if I should say anything about still being a virgin to my partner but I think she will be cool enough to be OK with whatever happens. Anyway thanks for putting this out there