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Episode 104

Sex Nerd Sandra

Getting Laid at Burning Man…

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Sex Nerd Sandra #104: Getting Laid at Burning Man!

TALES FROM THE ORGY DOME! Ranger Sprinkles (Sex Educator Jamye Waxman) and Orgy Dome leader Lazlow spill the dust on sex at Burning Man.

TOPICS: “How do you describe Burning Man?,” Hands-on Workshops, Pre-Sex Tips, So Many Naked People, Drugs, Tent Sex, Pickup Lines, Falling in Love, Playa-Proofing Your Relationship, Black Rock City Rangers, Bureau of Erotic Discourse (B.E.D.), Consent, Safety, and Shirt-C**king! (Help support the Orgy Dome at AndThenTheresOnlyLove.com)

 

Lazlow is camp leader for And Then There’s Only Love, home to the famous Orgy Dome, and a 14 year veteran of Black Rock City.

 

Jamye Waxman (Ranger Sprinkles) is currently the sex educator for Lovers Package, A Touch of Romance and Condom Revolution. She is also the CGO of gasm.Org, a website devoted to sexual pleasure, health and orgasms.

 

In addition to being a sex writer, author, blogger, video host, producer and director, Jamye Waxman, M.Ed.,  is a well-known and sought after educator and lecturer in the field of human sexuality and relationships.  Jamye utilizes her Masters in Sex Education from Widener University and her recent SFSIcertification to discuss pleasure, sex education and how people relate to each other, both in love and in life.

 

She is currently working on her MA in Counseling Psychology at Santa Clara University and researching/writing a book on dating, sex and relationships.

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17 comments

  • >THE ONLY PERSON TO BLAME IN A SEXUAL ASSAULT IS THE PERPETRATOR. I do think that risk reduction strategies should be taught.

    You’re delusional. If a girl walks up to a bunch of known rapists naked she shouldn’t be surprised if she gets raped. In almost all rape cases the girl was in some way responsible. Stop treating women like children, they have to take responsibility for their actions.

  • So, it seems this is the blog post that boyfriends who have girlfriends at Burning Man stumble upon as they search the internet for comfort (I’m in the same boat, so no judgement coming from me).

    I’m curious to see if anyone (I’d ask Sandra but I’m guessing she’s still at BM) has any advice for how to negotiate long distance relationships and Burning Man. My partner and I talked for a while about being open with ourselves and our bodies and I told her I was okay with her exploring/experimenting and being open with herself. Still, I’m worried we didn’t set up explicit enough boundaries to prevent our relationship from being negatively effected (also, I’m a little bothered that this openness only seems to exist at BM and I don’t know how to/not sure if I want to do this outside of the context of BM).
    I know that physical intimacy or a week-long “playa boyfriend” won’t pose a real threat to our relationship and the deep physical/emotional/spiritual connection we have, but I still can’t help but feel vulnerable and lonely. Not being able to check in and hear her voice and be reassured that she hasn’t decided to ditch me altogether has been hard, but I’m also feeling like its my own insecurities that are making me feel this way.

    So, any advice on trust, self-esteem, and how a short break in a mainly monogamous relationship might effect things in the long run?

    Thanks and best of luck to all of you in similar situations!

  • My girlfriend went to burning man for the first time and she swears she’ll be loyal to be and wouldn’t think of cheating. By all indications, and everything I’ve read says that there’s literally NO WAY she won’t cheat. Thoughts? I’m not really into free love and all that, I love my girlfriend but I think this is probably the end :(

  • Sorry but this wasn’t a very good one. I miss Dave honestly. The podcast has really gone downhill big-time since he left.

    I realize he wanted to go for other reasons than the lack of communication and general bad-taste the “sex positive” community gave him. But too bad more couldn’t have been done.

    I really hope you improve things. Not ready to give up as I LOVED the podcast before…but ever since he left…it just hasn’t been very interesting or fun to listen too at all. He was definitely the “layman” that connected those of us not completely “in the loop” into things….

    I realize I’m only one person (so who cares) but I can only keep listening for so much longer if things don’t get better. The show used to be really fun and informative. Now most of the fun is gone and the “informative” part is extremely limited in certain subjects without (dave) the connection for us “layman”

  • I’ve been listening to the podcast for a couple months now, including quite a lot of the older episodes, and I’ve really really enjoyed the podcast, even when the topic was something that isn’t particularly relevant to me personally. This episode was one that was not relevant to me, as I never have been Burning Man and doubt I ever will. I listened anyways. Most of the episode was fine, educational to me as an outsider about what Burning Man is like, but it also included the first thing I’ve heard on the podcast that didn’t just make me uncomfortable, but made me incredibly angry, and was literally painful to listen to. I am referring to Lazlow’s rape apologist victim blaming. I literally could not believe my ears when I heard a guest on this podcast say “if you’re a cute girl… and you’re not wearing very much clothes, and you’re dancing with people, and someone hands you something… you’ll wake up the next morning feeling sticky,… the bottom line is you brought it on yourself” Victim blaming has absolutely no place in the sex-positive world. Sure, he also claimed not to condone rape, and a few times used the phrase “no means no” and even “silence means no” that’s good, but comes nowhere near making up for his victim blaming. THE ONLY PERSON TO BLAME IN A SEXUAL ASSAULT IS THE PERPETRATOR. I do think that risk reduction strategies should be taught. There are ways to talk about risk reduction that do not blame the victim and excuse the perpetrator. My anger and disgust are, of course, directed primarily at Lazlow, for holding and voicing beliefs that are completely fucked up and serve to excuse and reinforce rape culture. However, I am also really upset that the only response to this was “that’s an intense thing to say.” I appreciate that this confrontation can be difficult to have in the moment, but I believe that as host (and thereby moderator of the conversation), there is not only the right but the responsibility to call out a guest when they say something fucked up, and especially in the position of being an educator, those attitudes absolutely must be addressed.

    As I said, I’m a big fan of the podcast in general, but this episode has left a really really bad taste in my mouth.

    • I’m Lazlo, the guy this posting is directed against.  Apparently k_rockette didn’t listen to what I actually said.  Under no circumstances was I a “rape apologist” or “victim blaming.”  In fact, the discussion at that point was about being self reliant. The point being made was that being self reliant includes not taking drugs or liquids from strangers which is the same advice one should get in “polite society.” I was explaining that “people have an obligation to watch out for themselves.”  I even pointed out that this happens to, and applies to men too.  I know this type of discussion triggers some pretty emotional responses and expect that k_rockette’s “disgust” is such a response.  But attending a festival such as Burning Man REQUIRES a significant amount of personal responsibility.  Taking drinks or drugs from strangers is stupid behavior, on the Playa or anywhere else.  Advising someone not to do that, and reminding them what could happen, does not constitute “blame the victim.”      

      • hi Laszlo, I am a burner and I loved the interview. except that no one should ever say “you brought this on yourself”. it is not okay to rape. don’t take drugs and drinks from strangers is a necessary precaution, not only because of rape. but! if there is a sexual predator on the playa, slipping roofie in people’s drinks, he will find a victim. rape victims do not “bring it on themselves”. it is a terrible way to put it. I was roofied once (thank god I was with a group of friends who dragged my unconscious body home). I do not take drugs or drinks from strangers. so did two of women I know. it happened in nice bars in the big cities on all occasions I know. no drinks from strangers were involved. rapists rape. rape happens because someone was there looking for a victim and it was you. I’m just blown away that someone who runs the orgy dome and can talk for hours about consent can say that. 

  • I’m so glad this episode exists. I was led to believe that being in a monogamous relationship and attending Burning Man were mutually exclusive. My new plan is to collect supplies and develop plans for next year.

    Does anyone know if it is better to try to find a group camp to be part of or just wing it your first year?

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