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Episode 467

Nerdist Podcast

V Cards

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Nerdist Podcast: V Cards

The hostful goodness is continuing! The guys sit down to chat and end up talking about all things love. Their first loves, first heartbreaks and more!

Artwork by Travis Torgerson

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96 comments

  • .
    Chris. Matt. Jonah.

    Ive waited a long long time for this episode. My whole life. My mother tells me stories of her youth….i wont divulge the specifics but she was one of the following: a cheerleader, in a touring band, or a denver resident with a schoolgirl uniform. Yup..you guessed it…one of you is my father.

    I wont say whom just yet but i will give a hint that should give it away…my hobbies and interests include the following: chai tea latte’s, obscure music, poi .n. spam sandwhiches, left handed guitars, star wars, building podcast empires, the dave matthews band, croissant sandwhiches from Kens Artesian bakery, bing search engines, not fixing apple products, ed wood, nasa, referencing the MST3K movie, singing with Phirman, and enjoying burritos. That should narrow it down.

    I’ll divulge the answer on next weeks exciting episode of Maury Povich’s special “Nerdist Baby Daddies”.

    Peace .n. Interest on unpaid allowance

    3ToF

    PS: on a serious note……another freaking AWESOME hostful. thanks brotha’s!

  • .
    PS#2: AHHHHH! ive got an unrelated kinda-sorta nerdist discovery to share with y’all…..

    I was recently watching the outstanding documentary on Caddyshack made by the BIO network. Low and behold one of the interviewee’s was John Dykstra. Yup, the father of the fourth nerdist, Chloe, was featured. This is where you are asking yourself, as i did, “how is one of the all-time-guru’s behind Star Wars special effects connected with one of the greatest comedies of all time?”. Answer: he freaking designed the Gopher!!!!

    Mind. Blown.

    How cool is that? This isnt even listed on wiki. Makes me think he would be a pretty sweet future Nerdist guest….that is…of course….unless it would be too weird.

    Peace .n. Goonga Ga Loonga…on your deathbed, you will receive total conciousness….which is nice.

    3ToF not gonna pay 50 cents for no coke.

  • Friendzone to Endzone!

    I’m a female, so my experience may be different, but I was good friends with both of my girlfriends before we ever slept together. In one case for many years beforehand.

    Also, I told my boyfriend the first time he ever asked me out that I’d really enjoy hanging out with him, but we’d only ever be friends. Going on 15 years together now! It can happen. :)

  • Friend zone to end zone!

    In high school I hung with a girl I had a huge crush on. I wanted to date her so bad, but all she wanted was ass holes and thugs. Fast forward to a year in to our friendship, we totally hook up. For me it was heaven, for her it was relieving stress, no kissing, just me on top. A few months go by and one of her friends transfer to our school. I try getting with her friend, and I asked her to help me out. Right then and there she confessed her love for me. We started dating after that! It was still one of the best relationships I’ve ever been in. The only reason our relationship didn’t work at the time, her mother hated my guts when we started dating. It’s been 13 years, and we still can call each other, talk about life, even hooked up a few times through out those years.

  • Well, this wasn´t depressing at all… Im usually listening to this podcast to laugh and not think about other things for a while, escape pretty much. Im 25 and have never had a relationship, sex or really even made out with a girl.

    Hearing about guys like you Chris who said you where bullied in school and so on actually having sex at 16 isn´t fun. Not that im not happy for you, and for my firends who did that too, im not whising my terrible life on anyone.

    But couldn´t one of you had worse love life when you where younger, so I didn´t have to feel like my chance of having some kind of intimacy went from 0.1 into the negatives :P

  • Best hostful yet!

    As a nerdy type gal I have always ended up in the friend zone. Liking good bands, video games, sci-fi, etc. I naturally ended up hanging out with more guys than girls. I’d watch my guy friends pine over shallow girl after shallow girl. It was horrible. I found it got easier as I got older. Why that is I don’t know but I feel like perhaps guys start to realize whats more important in looking for a mate.

    On another note, I had a best guy friend for a few years. After a couple random hook ups we eventually started dating, moved in together, and got engaged. And you know what? It was horrible! Chris said it right that comfort always isn’t the best option. We just worked better as friends. Unfortunately like most of these type stories, our friendship was pretty much ruined after all was said and done. However I wouldnt take back those 5 years. I wouldn’t be where I am now if not for them.

  • My boyfriend and I were first friends in high school – 7 years later and we’re still together :)

    But before that, I was always the intense girl who developed deep crushes on guys, but they never liked me back. A lot of angst.

  • What about girls who are the best friend? I’ve been friendzoned a couple of times, and listening to you guys and your reaction on how you dealt with it, it goes the same way with girls too. After being dealt the “ummm I think we should just be friends” speech after summing up the biggest balls I could muster to tell guys that I liked them, man, that takes a similar yet different toll on a girl. Similar in the way that you don’t really want to put yourself out there anymore for fear of rejection. Different because, a girl thinks it’s the physical that failed to get his attention, and that can have severe repercussions. I know it did for me, I thought putting on more makeup, or dressing differently was they way I should start presenting myself.
    Luckily, I don’t think like that anymore. I am who I am, and if he likes me for my nerdiness, and STILL think I’m beautiful, well, he’s a keeper…..Just haven’t found him yet haha just like Chris said, I’ll find my Chloe.
    thanks guys for the podcast and the dissection of male brains, really helped.
    Cheers!

  • I really wish there was video to see Katie’s reactions all during this episode. Also fun would be video of the guys’ significant others listening to the episode to see their reactions.

  • I loved this (both the podcast and illustration). From a girls perspective this was oddly reassuring. It’s comforting to know that guys think these things too.

    You rock, thanks guys! And FYI, Matt you are totally date-able.

  • great episode guys!! and thanks it really helps when you guys talk about stuff like this on the pod cast. it makes me realize that im not the only one who has had these things happen to him! and it makes me feel better about my self. you guys rock keep the string of great hostfuls coming! :)

  • This was a wonderful episode. This and the Honestly 2013 are two of my all-time favorites — please don’t stop being introspective!

    I stayed in a stagnating relationship for too long (I was one of those girls who dated her high-school boyfriend for a billion years) and ending it was the hardest, scariest, but ultimately best thing I’ve ever done. Hearing you guys talk about that phase of life was nostalgic (in a painful kinda way). It gets better!

  • .
    i swear…discussion threads like this are proof-positive that nerdist fans are THE BEST. Folks sharing life experience, heartache, and emotions just as our nerdist crew did on the ‘cast. Gotta love the community within!

    @Tanya: you bring up an awesome point…it goes both ways. Ive certainly had my share of “awww shucks we’re friends..why not more” moments but I have also had a few situations where female friends play that role and i wanted to keep it as a friendship. Its definitely tough and rough either way…specially since it makes so much sense to one of the two parties to take things to the next level.

    @gustav: hang in there dude…honestly. I know that hearing stories like the ones the guys shared. specifically how old they were when they played out their “v card”, can be tough but trust me there are a LOT of “late bloomers” out there. Dont beat yourself up. Plus the world works in f’d up ways and sometimes catches you off guard when you least expect it.

    Peace .n. Dating Noodle Stories!

    3ToF.

  • .
    i swear…discussion threads like this are proof-positive that nerdist fans are THE BEST. Folks sharing life experience, heartache, and emotions just as our nerdist crew did on the ‘cast. Gotta love the community within!

    @Tanya: you bring up an awesome point…it goes both ways. Ive certainly had my share of “awww shucks we’re friends..why not more” moments but I have also had a few situations where female friends play that role and i wanted to keep it as a friendship. Its definitely tough and rough either way…specially since it makes so much sense to one of the two parties to take things to the next level.

    @gustav: hang in there dude…honestly. I know that hearing stories like the ones the guys shared. specifically how old they were when they played out their “v card”, can be tough but trust me there are a LOT of “late bloomers” out there. Dont beat yourself up. Plus the world works in f’d up ways and sometimes catches you off guard when you least expect it.

    Peace .n. Dating Noodle Stories~!

    3ToF.

  • Hello guys! Ciao from Rome, Italy! I started listening to the podcast a couple of months ago and I didn’t stop ever since. You guys are so funny and I really love the show, especially the Hostful episodes!
    You brighten up my commute to and from work and I want to thank you all for this.
    Speaking of V card, the Nerdist was the first – and so far the only – podcast I listened to, so you popped my podcast cherry, yay!
    Sorry for the creepiness…
    Bye!

  • Thanks Guys… This was like a conversation with with my best funniest friends… Fucking Awesome!!!! Love ya all!! Come to Sweden soon!!! Enjoy your Burrito!!!

  • Man, life in the friendzones… this brings back memories.

    1st gf was childhood best friend, but an ultrachristian, and we “dated” 6 years, all through high school. Never even let me hug her or hold her hand, not even once. I left town, and two years later she had two kids, a husband, and passed away from a health problem. Mind utterly blown.

    Then, foolishly waited for 11 years waiting for my chance to be with my new best friend, getting shit on constantly and watching her go off and bang other guys. Got it, and exactly what you described. Drove across the country to meet her, & got three of the best days of my life with her, followed by a week of increasingly awkward silence and desperate fumbling around, and finally a text message on the drive back saying it wasn’t going to work out. Never spoke to her again.

    So there goes my 20s & early 30s. At this point, I don’t see any value in relationships. I got a beagle, and am focusing on work, cycling, and traveling.

    Don’t fall in love with people or things who don’t love you back.

  • FRIENDZONE TO ENDZONE or The Murky Path to Love Through Psychosomatic Schizophrenia and Spurious Infidelity

    Hello, beinvenue, wilkomen and come on in my fellow nerds, as I guide you through an abbreviated account of the most harrowed and harebrained attempts to render the Friendzone asunder!

    My uxorious tax-write off and I first locked eyes at the tenderly awkward age of 13ish. She was cute and shy and had boobs, and I had the loftiest ambitions a pubescent perv can aspire to. Now, channel your inner Doc Brown and zip ahead a decade.

    Two twenty-something kids posing as adults dance around the fact that they know each other from their putitary suffused past. A mutual friend of the two helps make the re-introductions. Our intrepid protagonist falls head over heels for this newly rediscovered woman and proceeds to court her in the gentlemanly fashion of the 21st century. So, bascially after tracking her IM screenname with the assistance of Myspace (props, Tom), first contact was established. And it went…horribly.

    By which I mean, she thought I was cool. And that we should hang out. But that I wasn’t really her type. And I was the crushed-est. Also, I’m aware I switched narrative view points; bite me, Conventionalists.

    However, this woman’s Everything floored me. The looks, the devil-may-care wit, the sultry swagger. And the boobs. Ah, the boobs.

    But, alas, I couldn’t compete with the type of guys she was dating. She liked your stereotypical and nominally employed bad boy, and I was the equivalent of an Ewok with alopecia and delusions of publication. However, if I could at least spend time with a creature as enthralling as the future-missus, I was happy to accept the meagerest of morsels just to prove I was at least invited to the feast.

    To make an already over-long story fun-sized–the next few years brought us closer together, until we’d confidently call one another our best-friend. It didn’t go off altogether hitch-less, as we were developing these feelings (or so you humans call them) for each other all the while. So, we did what any self-respecting grown-up would do when confronted with mutual yet unspoken attraction.

    She cosplayed as that girl who would fuck everyone but me, and some guy who sounded just like me (but A LOT drunker) called her only too frequently to compliment her choice of costume. Man, talk about your rollicking knee-slapper of a year. Eventually, we did something completely boring and droll and pedestrian: we devoted a fraction of our lives to sanity and compassion, a fraction indivisible enough to give us time to intertwine our fates tighter than Siamese twins in a finger trap.

    I’m not saying it’s been perfect. As a matter of fact, it’s been truly tumultuously, turbulently turmoilsome. But when life gives you lemons, you get a syringe, fill it with vodka, inject your booze into the citrus, let it chill in the fridge for a day, remove and get fucked up together.

    Because more than initial rush of fresh fingers on foreign flesh, more than the unassailable joy of bringing children into this world with the parnter you love, and even more than those still moments between breaths in bed where the world could fall apart and you wouldn’t even remember how to care…it’s about getting fucked up together. We take bullets for each other (all totally “Get down Mr. President” style).

    We’re not windswept romantics or un-oppressable optimists or scientologists. The world is rough and relationships are work.

    But we’re friends. And no matter how slippery the grasp of my knowledge on even the simplest of concepts may be, I at least know that without being her friend, she’d never be my wife.

    So, M’sieu Mira, there’s your one. Here’s to potentially pillaging prospective partner-pals’ pleasure parts, podcast patrons! Keep up the good work Hardwick, Mira, and Creepy Uncle Jonah (which isn’t to say you’re creepy or avuncular, it just kind of rolled off the tongue. The way a creepy uncle would).

  • Hey guys – SUCH A GREAT EPISODE!

    I actually sent this to a chronic friendzoner of mine whom I’m in the friendzone with. For the last four years. Really, I put myself there instead of getting out when I recognized the signs but it was for a sense of stability. It works for us most of the time since I’m clear about it and try to respect her boundaries and she’s written me off more and more over the years so I’ve been able to deal with it slowly instead of all at once – I just stated “this is how it is” and she said “this is how it is” after about a year and we’ve been slowly separating since.

    Anyways, I just wanted to say thank you – it’s a great inspiration to hear such emotional honesty and it helps a lot working through my own issues to hear my own thoughts and ideas reinforced so I can keep on keeping on with my personal growth.

    Oh, and that story about Jonah getting on the airplane with the letter? It was weird getting the urge to give him a hug and cry. My co-workers had to tell me to knock it off since there’s a “no cradling yourself and crying silently” rule or something. Maybe it was weird I stripped naked first? I dunno. That not a thing anymore? Eh.

  • Another excellent hostful!
    Just wanna say thanks for the kind words about Denver, guys! Being a Littleton, CO native, I’m curious about where Chris lived in Littleton, as I grew up in the Columbine attendance area.

  • This might be my favorite hostful.

    All through Highschool and about half of college i was in the biggest friendzone With this one girl I had the biggest thing for and we were suuuuper tight.
    I’ve always been a pretty shy guy and have had trouble approaching or telling a girl how i felt.
    During college at one point she broke up with her boyfriend and we were hanging out more and more, so i finally mustered the courage and told her how i felt.
    It didnt pan out as i hoped. She nicely turned me down. She ended up getting back together with her boyfriend which was a bummer.
    But i never felt so free after that.
    It’s very ironic what i was doing while listening to this. It’s been about a year later after i told her how i felt but we’re still good friends.
    I like to listen to nerdist while i draw and her birthday is comin up so i was drawing a picture for her. What a funny coincidence.

  • Me too. Mid-90s to early-naughties, I lived at Hampton & Wads in various apts with the prairiedogs and prisonyard out back as well, & my girl-friend lived in the apts right across the street from columbine. I worked at the B&N. …I wonder if Chris was in CA by then or if we were neighbors.

  • Guys aren’t the only ones that fall in love with best friends, have to find the stones to say something about it, and then get further strung along or crushed.

    I would put pretty strong money that, for all 3 of you, while you were pining after the drunk girl hooking up with frat boys, there was a friend of yours that was pining after you.

  • I always enjoy the hostful episodes, but these past few have totally wrinkled my brain and if you keep it up I might have to go see a therapist…

    I wonder what it is about the nerd archetype that makes these sort of relationship issues a common theme among us? It’s not like being able to name the Wookie home planet informs how you attempt to form romantic relationships. At least I hope it doesn’t because that would be weird as shit.

    Still, it’s nice to have some affirmation that you’re not strange or broken for acting a certain way; that others have gone through the same thing and come out the other end (seemingly) normal. And as much as it sucked at the time I’m strangely happy over having gone through what I did, because for better or worse we’re all shaped by our experiences and you can’t know that you would have ended up in the same place if things had been different. I’d much rather be where I am now than I where was five or even ten years ago, and looking back I don’t know how to get from there to here without following the path that I did.