Episode 216

Nerdist Podcast

Sklar Brothers

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Nerdist Podcast: Sklar Brothers

The hilarious twins Randy and Jason Sklar come on to talk sports (yes, sports!) with Matt, they come up with cat based web video and discuss their new show United Stats of America, now on The History Channel!

Check out the Sklars’ show United Stats of America on The History Channel!

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  • Yeah, my twin sister and I have that weird hand thing too! Maybe it’s electromagnetic. It’s just awkward. I’m glad to hear that it’s not just us.

  • @Doc Your paternal unit fertilized your material unit’s eggs in a particle collider. Actually, wait, that’s a compliment, I take it back… Your paternal unit did NOT fertilize your maternal unit’s eggs in a particle collider. Ha! Take that you rogue!

  • Perhaps all of what you two have said is purely factual, but it doesn’t change the fact that your mothers recently joined a weight loss program and were so successful that the IAU downgraded them from planets to dwarf planets.

  • The female originator of one half of your genetic material was so most egregiously lacking in typical facial bone structure that early 20th Century scientists once briefly quarantined her as the last scion of the Piltdown man.

  • nerdy take on a classic:

    your XX chromosome contributor absorbs so many light photons, that when she exits a motor vehicle, the low oil indicator is triggered

  • Your female progenitor is so mentally deficient that she is at least 4 Standard Deviations from the statistical norm on the Weschler Adult Intelligence Scale.

  • Iron is Fe, and stainless steel is less susceptible to oxidation, however your maternal unit’s birth canal encompasses a volume greater than that of the International Space Station.

  • The owner of the vagislide you erupted from is so obese…

    Her blubbery fat rolls make whales jealous from the warmth they must provide in the winter.
    The light going around her waist experiences significant gravitational lensing.
    Her stomach rolls, due to their depth and number, are used by geologists to mark the epochs of Earth’s evolution.
    The redshift experience by the light travelling from one side of her ass to another exceeds that of the most distant quasars (trust me, I know).

  • “Your maternal unit is so dense, light bends around her.”*

    And from the Hubby…

    “Your Mama’s so dumb, when they told her to calculate PI, she asked what flavor..”

    “Your Mama’s so crazy, she thought the phases of the moon were happy, sad, angry…”

    “Your Mama’s so fat…wait, that’s not a Mama, THAT’S A SPACE STATION! CHEWIE, GET US OUTTA HERE!!”

    *I sure hope that joke worked – LONG time since I sat in a science class.

  • My favorite part of this episode was when they all agreed that we could use a lot more civility in our political discourse and also those crazy right-wingers are loons we won’t even talk to unless they agree with how we feel about our sacred cow issues. Fuck them, amirite?

    Classy, fellas. If you’re wondering why there’s scant civil discourse in politics, I believe you’ve uncovered it.

  • @Kevin — Agree strongly with your basic statement, that if Americans want their political discourse to change for the better, it’s starts with how we talk about each other. Disagree strongly with the venue for that statement. This is a comedy show, bud. These guys’ primary concern is making you and me laugh, not changing the nature of the American political landscape. Please try not to take this stuff too seriously.

    @Everyone else — Your female progenitor is so corpulent, when she sits around the house, I mean it’s seriously an elliptical path not dissimilar from that of Mars around the sun.

  • @Kevin
    I also thought it was a bit odd that someone would say that they thought that keeping an open mind was important and then proceed to say that they would only listen to someone else’s argument if they met qualifier X, Y, and Z. That, to me, sounds like the opposite of an open mind.

    That said, I thought that your post was hilarious because it’s probably the most perfect, unintentionally ironic, meta thing I’ve seen in quite some time. You’re complaining in a douchebag, holier-than-thou way that someone else was (from your point of view) complaining in a douchebag, holier-than-thou way, that other people (from their point of view) are acting in a douchebag, holier-than-thou manner. Doucheception!

    You can’t do the very thing you’re complaining about in the complaint itself and expect anyone to take you seriously. And, shockingly enough, the fact that the Sklar brothers spent ten seconds of an hour long podcast saying something that I disagreed with, didn’t ruin my whole day, or even the podcast itself! What a concept! I can disagree with people on certain issues and still retain the belief that they’re intelligent, funny and entertaining! Is it just me? Am I the crazy one?

    • Thanks Ms. Marvel! I happen to be a dude, but my name is not a Lemony Snicket reference. Nothing against the books, I’ve just never read them.

      The female source of your genetic material is so old…
      -She would yell at Triceratops to get off her lawn.
      -When she says “back in my day,” she’s speaking metaphorically, because she was around before the giant molecular cloud of pre-solar gas coalesced and collapsed, forming our solar system.
      -She can provide direct visual confirmation of the inflationary model of the Big Bang Theory, thereby negating the Horizon Problem.

  • @Josh
    Oh yeah? Well your former incubation and gestation station is so incredibly voluminous that her recent trip to Iceland took a turn for the disastrous when all air traffic above said country had to be redirected after the local cuisine irritated the stratified squamous epithelial tissue of her descending sigmoid colon causing a flatulent outburst of mythological proportions.

  • Nerdist comment threads are the only comment threads worth reading. They are the only ones that don’t make me sad or angry. Happy Monday everyone.

    Your female progenitor has 99 problems but getting a sandwich ain’t one.

    There is a horrible horrible joke mash up. I am almost too embarrassed to click on Post Comment.

  • Your maternal genealogy is so unevolved that even Anopheles Quadrimaculatus would not use your most direct ancestor’s hematophagy to nourish its offspring.

  • Wait a second. The video replay of Jonah’s spill shows Matt bumping Jonah’s elbow that startles Jonah into coughing up his beer. A reaction based in a primal instinct of gasping extra error in a brief moment of terror.

  • LOL Still the funniest comment thread ever. Not sure I can come up with anything funnier than “Higgs Bosom”. Maybe it’s time I give it a breast?

  • @Doc Ha! Well I WAS going to say, “Thanks for the mammaries,” but instead its: Oh yeah, well YOUR zygote boat is so old, Sir Isaac Newton met her in a bar and was like, “I got her numbah, how ’bout dem apples?”

    @Diane M. Martin I thought about doing a science-y yo mama joke in Gersebermese (yer mermer!), but then realized that would be way, way too ridiculous.

  • So, so sad now… I was (really) in the midst of researching how to get Chris, Matt and Jonah action figures made to sell. I thought I had a brilliant, unique idea…SOB!

  • Ahem…

    Your direct connection to the distaff branch of your progenitors is so cellularly endowed that the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change has extended an offer for her to emigrate to Australia, causing a deviation to the moment of inertia of the Earth so large that it will shift the Milankovitch cycle into one which will significantly counteract the current and projected effects of anthropogenic global warming.

    Let’s face it, you mom’s be fat.

  • Holy moly I hope the Nerdist Three had a chance to read these. Unreal you guys — high fives all around! I spend my days these days writing and take a break from writing with these podcasts and these comment threads (I know, take a break from writing by writing? very nerdy). Y’all have been entertaining me all weekend! Truly great stuff.

    Also, not for nothing, but I think @Hubby Marvel might have won this round with his Star Wars yo mama: “Your mom is so fat, she — wait, that’s no mom.” Genius!

  • Marvelous episode. The more I hear the Sklar Brothers the more I enjoy them. Two points about the moral discussion:
    1) If only people of spotless character are allowed to criticize others, nothing will ever change. If someone were to initiate legal proceedings, say, against anyone who enters their child in one of these toddler “beauty pageants”, I’d cheer them on, even if they themselves weren’t someone I’d ever allow in my house. The truth of a critique should not be negated by the character(or lack of) of the speaker.
    2) That “they don’t know any better” argument for cossetted celebutards–that dog won’t hunt. Check out the episode of “Head Games” that aired 6/10/12; unless you’re a sociopath, most ethical behavior has been hardwired into us by evolution(as long as it doesn’t risk self-preservation). These handled types may not have had anyone spell out why what they do is wrong, but they feel it at the moment of action, whether they admit it or not. Such people only get away with it/keep acting that way because they are allowed to; it’s like Bill Maher’s old line from one of his stand up shows–“Men are only as faithful as their options.”
    Oh, and as to the imaginary conservative candidate the Sklars described as being worth listening to–you’re all probably too young to remember, but such people were all around a generation ago. We used to have moderate & liberal Republicans, and their mirror images on the left. Before Falwell’s “Moral Majority” began radicalizing the far right, it was an everyday occurance for a lawmaker(or President) to work closely with those across the aisle on issues where their philosophies overlapped. What hard-liners can’t seem to remember is that our whole system of government is built, despite the sacred myth of “American rugged individualism”, on compromise.

    Anyway, guys, thanks for another entertaining podcast–and the great news that there’s finally something worth watching again on the History Channel.

  • @Ross
    I agree wholeheartedly with your first point, but I don’t believe that anybody on this podcast has a problem being criticized, only the method used to criticize, the frequency with which the criticism comes, and how insignificant the perceived fuckup has to be to trigger a criticism. Nobody likes being spoken to as if they’re inferior and many people think that you have to grandstand and attempt to speak from a moral high ground in order to get a point across. In other words they think that if they’re not screaming at the top of their lungs that nobody will listen.

    I also agree with your second point in that I think Tiger Woods knew that what he was doing was wrong, but, again, while I think it’s correct that people look at his actions as wrong I think that people should take care not to speak about it as if they know for a fact that they would’ve acted any differently had they been in Tiger’s position. As easy as it is to Monday morning quarterback the life of Tiger Woods many people tend to forget that absolute power corrupts absolutely.

    By the way…are you a Fringe fan?