I’ll get off of this Back To The Future kick eventually, I promise, but first we need to talk about these:

Here we have the second prototype of Power Laces shoes, a la BTTF Part II, created by Blake Bevin. This updated prototype has the lacing mechanism built into the sole, and has a sensor in the sole which activates the motor automatically. As Marty McFly once said, “Alright!”

Here’s the catch: Bevin is not affiliated with Nike…she’s trying to get these things onto shelves herself. You can check out his Kickstarter site here. The question is, will this infringe on Nike’s patent for Power Laces shoes? By the looks of it, yes. Nike appears to have a patent both for an automatic lacing system and for the specific lighting of the shoes as seen in the movie.

Thanks to Hud for the comment in my previous article that lead me to this one! You are awarded 500 internets.

As I wrote in my Coming Attractions post, horror dealing with possession or satanic cults is horror that sticks with me when it is done well. Possession movies are most often a sub- set of the evil child movies. To be honest, I don’t normally care for evil child movies. It seems that many of them try too hard, rather than letting the natural creepiness of children lay a subtle framework for the film.

Enough about my preferences and on to the film at hand!

The Last Exorcism is not a story about a possessed child. It is the story of a pastor that lost his faith long ago, yet continues to preach and deliver people from demonic possession/oppression. The film is directed by Daniel Stamm, who, based on his filmography, likes to play with blurring the lines between documentary and film.

Patrick Fabian (prolific television guest star) plays Cotton Marcus, a Louisiana pastor who began his career as a preacher; I believe they said around age 6. Following in the footsteps of his father, Cotton learned the tricks and necessary traits to work the congregation into a frenzy.

After reading a story about the death of a child during an exorcism ceremony, Cotton decides that he can no longer continue to perform exorcisms. Cotton defends exorcism by saying that while he no longer believes in demons, (effectively stating that he no longer believes in a God) the service he once provided can help people that are held captive by the thought that they are possessed. Exorcism can help the mind release the thought, basically, because if one believes they are possessed, they can also believe that the ritual has set them free.

When Cotton comes across a story that The Vatican is opening a school to teach the exorcism ritual, he decides that he needs to take action to stop people from buying into the sham and to protect children from accidental death during exorcism. To do this, Cotton hires a film crew to follow him on what will be his last exorcism. Selecting a random letter from his pile of requests, Cotton tells the crew that they will follow the request to completion, capture it on film to reveal the process and thereby debunk exorcism.

The letter requesting help from the pastor takes the crew to southern Louisiana, an area, we are told, that because of the multicultural background, has many varied views of religion. The crew decides to get some footage of the locals talking about various superstitions that center around the area. I got the feeling that the crew was out to show how simple the townspeople were. That feeling was verified by Cotton in the last clip, interviewing the locals.

Cotton and crew arrive at the Sweetzer farm and must convince Louis Sweetzer, played by television “that guy” Louis Herthum, to allow the cameras. While we don’t see what was said during the exchange, we see Cotton using his charisma, charm and position as a pastor to convince Louis to allow the filming of the exorcism.

Then we meet Nell, the star of the film, played by the child like (You’re kidding… she’s 24?) Ashley Bell. Bell oozes the simple innocence of a sheltered country girl. She is polite in a way that is lost to today’s youth and there is a genuineness to her character. This innocence makes the demon manifestation even more unsettling. Bell can go from sweet, yet confused to downright creepy with nothing more than smile.

We are allowed to watch Cotton set up the space for the exorcism, complete with a myriad of party tricks that give the illusion of the supernatural. Cotton performs a trite, well rehearsed ritual and claims to have cast the demon out of Nell. Louis pays Cotton a fairly large sum of money and the crew departs.

This is where the movie kicks in.

I don’t want to give too much away. Everything I’ve given to this point is build-up for the second half. Suffice to say that the exorcism did not work and because of his arrogance, Cotton has put Nell in danger, potentially in more than one way. We get a chance to see the demon at work in Nell.

What we really get to see is Bell’s star potential. I am hopeful that this will be her breakout role.

As the movie progresses, we are left to wonder about secrets in a small town. Who is guilty, who is telling the truth and who all is involved. Questions that are answered before the final, unexpected ending of the movie.

One of the strong points of the film is that every image we see is viewed through the lens of the camera. One of the weak points is the shaky cam stuff. Some of the attendees of the film were not prepared for the extent of the shaky cam. Cloverfield would not have been a friend to those individuals.

Casey Criswell of the Bloody Good Horror podcast, who went with me to check this one out, said of the film, “While it was no “Exorcist”, it was still a pretty fun watch.” Casey’s right, it is no “Exorcist”, but maybe it’s The Exorcist for today’s generation. A generation whose horror consists mostly of poorly made remakes. This movie surpasses the last big film of a similar subject, The Exorcism of Emily Rose, by staying away from the courtroom and maintaining the use of the camera for our point of view. Nowhere near as shocking or well made as The Exorcist (Director’s Cut coming to theatres clocking in at 2hr 45 min.), The Last Exorcism plays well for the younger crowd, although, some will find that it drags a bit.

It’s not perfect, but few films are. I enjoyed it.

How much?

Out of $10, how much would I pay to see this again? $7, but only with people that have not yet seen it.

Jay (J.C.) Fralick is the co-host of the Wanna Watch a Movie Podcast
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Yo ho, I know you may be thinking, “Is that some sort of shoehorned David Lynch reference that Rachael stuck in there in order to keep the Nerdist vibe going?” But don’t be mistaken. These balls are definitely blue (hurrrr):

So these came about because our fearless leader, Chris, tweeted about some cake balls that he received from Austin Cake Ball, and kindly asked if I would make some for him to stare at. He suggested red velvet, but red velvet cake always unnerved me in that way I couldn’t describe until people started ordering those “witty” groom’s cakes in the shapes of like, armadillos and cats and shit made out of red velvet cake so that it looked like your cake was roadkill when you cut it open. I had some blue gel food coloring laying around from my agar agar cups, so I though I’d make some blue velvet cake balls instead!

Cake balls sound hard, like you’d need some sort of special equipment, but they’re actually pretty easy. It’s just crumbled cake that’s bound together with frosting, rolled into balls and then coated with frosting or chocolate on the outside.

I thought I’d give my cake balls a delicious Lynchian twist and make some cream cheese frosting with the flavors of cinnamon and chili to complement the chocolate of the blue velvet cake to give it a bit of a Mexican hot chocolate vibe. Though I guess an actual Lynchian twist would be to put like, a dead hooker in the middle of each cake ball, but that’s neither here nor there. The full recipe (and more yummy pictures) is after the jump. +10 charisma points to the person who makes the best blue balls pun in the comments.

All right, y’all, I don’t make too much homemade cake around these parts. This may actually be the 2nd from-scratch cake I’ve ever made. But honestly, this is a great recipe, and since they don’t generally make blue velvet cake mix, you’ll have to do it the homemade way anyhow. But it’s not too hard, if you do a little bit of planning (usually my downfall in these matters), you totally get to feel like a kitchen superhero when your cake comes out of the oven and tastes yummy and awesome and your mom brings all the leftover cake balls to work and then gets harassed for three days afterward for the recipe.

I adapted this recipe from one I found on FoodNetwork.com, but you can use any red velvet recipe you’d like. Just add blue food coloring instead of red.

Before you do anything, take 2 sticks of butter and 2 eggs and set them out on the counter and scram for a while. Go watch a couple of episodes of Doctor Who or give your dog a haircut or something, whatever. You want to give these ingredients ample time to fully come to room temperature (and for the butter to soften), which takes about 3 hours.

Ok, now you have the butter and eggs warm, now what? Get the rest of your ingredients together. I know it’s super Martha Stewart-style to have all your ingredients measured out into little dishes before you start, but this makes it 10x easier when you’ve got the mixer going and you don’t have to worry about overmixing your batter while you measure out baking soda. Also! This is the point at which you’d want to pre-heat your oven to 350 degrees. Don’t forget about that until you go to put your cake in the oven and realize that it’s cold like some people might have done accidentally…

Blue Velvet Cake

Before you get started, spray a 13×9 baking pan with cooking spray. The pan and the greasing method aren’t super important, since you’ll be crumbling the cake up anyhow, so any type of pan you have is fine.

Then cream the butter and sugar together in a mixer. Just beat them together for a few minutes until they’re good and mixed and the mixture is about a shade lighter than normal. While you’re doing that, mix the cocoa powder and the pinch of salt into the food coloring to make a terrifying deep blue paste.

After the butter and sugar mixture is light and fluffy, take the bowl off the mixer and mix the food coloring/cocoa paste in by hand with a spatula or something. This way you can ensure that you get it mixed through as evenly as possible.

Now you can put the bowl back on your mixer. In the measuring cup that you put the buttermilk in, add the two eggs and mix together, then add that to the nice blue mixture you’ve got going on. Mix in the vinegar and the vanilla. Then, last but not least, slowly mix in the flour and baking soda. And I mean slowly. If you put it all in at the same time, then the mixer throws blue flour all over your kitchen and you stain your white t-shirt and get chunks of blue batter on your eyelid and you get pissed off. So trust me, put the dry ingredients about a quarter at a time and only mix until everything has just come together.

Give the bowl one last scrape to make sure everything is mixed together and then decant to your greased pan. The batter will seem kind of thick, and like a disappointingly small amount, but don’t worry, this cake ends up very moist and fluffy. Bake the cake for about 30 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted into the center comes out clean. I started checking after about 25 minutes.

Now let it cool for a while. I watched “Jagged Edge” with my mom and laughed about how they tip-toed around actually saying the phrase “jagged edge” for 2 hours, but we all choose to spend our time differently. Don’t judge me.

Anywho, when it’s cool, crumble the cake into a big bowl and run your fingers through it until it is uniformly crumb-y. Now. For the adhesive. I will admit, I cheated and used a can of cream cheese frosting. I only did this because it is easy, and you can’t taste the frosting in the balls anyhow. Please, for the love of all that is holy, don’t use this to frost your balls (heh). It will just taste like lard. If you like, you can make a double batch of the homemade cream cheese frosting (recipe below) and put half in the cake crumbles.

Now form your balls! Make them any size you want. I used a small ice cream scoop to scoop out the right amount, then I squeezed it really tightly in my hand so the balls were nice and dense and didn’t fall apart. After you’ve formed the balls, put them in the refrigerator to set overnight so they don’t crumble when you ice them.

Now for the outsides of your balls. Most people coat their cake balls with chocolate or that white chocolate bark that you can find in the baking aisle, but I don’t like chocolate so much, so I made some cream cheese frosting that echoes the flavors of Mexican hot chocolate to complement the chocolate flavor in the cake.

Mexican Hot Chocolate Cream Cheese Frosting

Beat all of the ingredients together with an electric mixer for about 5 minutes until the frosting is airy and fluffy. Then dip the cake balls in the frosting and even it out with an offset spatula or a butter knife or whatever. You could make this actual chocolate frosting by adding a bit of cooled, melted semi-sweet chocolate to which you added some espresso or instant coffee.

Then cover with sprinkles. Then eat. Maybe share some if you want. Then also be prepared to have the scariest blue poop ever. Yessssss.

~ ~ ~

Visit my awesome blog, follow me on Twitter @gaggingtowards, or check out my Kickstarter project to raise money for my book about grown-up picky eating.

If LOST had lips, I'd never work up the courage to kiss it.

It’s been about a week since the Lost box set has come out. Enough time to finish all 5252 episodic minutes along with all the extra features. I’ll assume each and every single one of you has done so. You’ve read the pull out thing-y with your black light. The stone pieces reflected a distorted version of your smile as you set them on the board to a game you don’t know how to play. You got frustrated trying to roll up Jacob’s message in the ankh, which was nothing but gibberish symbols that meant nothing. You are done. You’ve finished all that is Lost: The Complete Collection on blu ray or dvd. Or have you?

wwwwWWWWAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaannnnnnhhhhhhaaaaaaaeeeeaaaao

(That is my typographical interpretation of the theme music.)

Continue on to get mind fingered. WARNING: SPOILERS!

So you got answers to things you didn’t care about, Walt is infecting your dreams again, and you teared up during the behind the scenes stuff. Time to pack it up. That’s everything. WRONG! You didn’t think the people behind the most picked apart series ever would spoon feed you all of the extras, did you?

Grab your black light and go at that map like a forensic investigator goes after people stains at a motel murder scene. Do you see the heart of the island? Of course you do. You did this already. It’s beautiful isn’t it? Like a holographic Mew. Anyone a member of the Pokemon League circa 2000? Take notice of the arrows and turn the map accordingly. Some of you are going, “Duh! Idiot. Shut up. Like, whatever.” The rest of you are going, “Holy Smoke Monsters! A hidden disc! I could have went years without finding this!”

There’s a hidden disc in the lid. How freaking cool is that?! Plenty of more things to geek out about, until you’ve hit play on everything. Then, that…is…it. Done. There couldn’t possibly be more. WRONG AGAIN! There are a ton of easter eggs throughout this thing!

You could try to find them all on your own like I did. (I failed.) On the other hand, you could go to Annie Chu’s complete list at the Examiner. She does a wonderful job of exposing all the secrets, I think. If more popped up on some other list, I wouldn’t be surprised. Lost is pretty much a giant middle finger pointed straight at you. Are we sadists for enjoying Lost so much? Eh, who gives two farts? Have fun.

See you in another life, brotha.

I blurred the robot sexy bits out for you people who have day jobs and intolerant bosses. You're welcome!

IGN and Kotaku reported some exciting Fallout: New Vegas news this weekend! ROBOT CONGRESS WILL BE ALLUDED TO OR SOMETHING. It seems sex with robots is totally a go for the upcoming apocalypse (game). Here is what the ESRB says:

There is also an extended sequence suggesting (no depiction) sexual activity with a robot (e.g., “Fisto reporting for duty . . . Please assume the position,” “I suppose I should test you out . . . Servos active!” and “Something wrong with someone if they got to f**k a machine.”)

So…yeah. You can have sex with a robot named Fisto in the new Fallout game without his/her consent. Huh.

While I may not be down with the idea of robot rape, this news got me to thinking about electronically enhanced human-esque borg things I’d totally do the dirty with in a pinch.

1. Samuel T. Anders (callsign “Longshot”) from BSG

Cylon bed head rrrrrrroooowww

Need I specify the pre goo bath/oracle flying into the sun Anders? Well, I just did anyway.

2. Sonny (The robot from I, Robot)

Dude can do serious Chop Socky. I just wish he’d killed Shia LaBeouf before he could ruin the Transformers for me forever.

3. Annalee Call (Alien Resurrection)

Robot/alien sexual tension!

Winona Ryder’s least annoying role in the most controversial of Alien movies.

4. Marvin the Paranoid Android Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

In the film, Marvin was a big headed white pot bellied thing but in my dreams he’s Peter Saarsgard, amirite?

5. Sam Worthington as Marcus Wright in Terminator Salvation

While the movie was a punch in the gut to Terminator fans, Worthington’s character was a glimmer of hope in an otherwise shitty two plus hours of McG’s masturbatory poopfest.

6. Summer Glau as Cameron in The Sarah Connor Chronicles

Well, duh.

7. Buffybot

8. Harrison Ford as Rick Deckard in Blade Runner

Yes. Deckard is a replicant, 9/11 was an inside job, and Inception was ALL a dream. MOVING ON.

9. Jude Law as “Gigolo Joe” in AI

So pretty. So sad. So pretty. So sad. SPLOOGE.

10. Lor from Star Trek:TNG

Getting head joke goes here!

He’s like Data but without Spot the cat, boring morals, and the Sherlock Holmes obsession!

With whom would you make sweet sweet robot love (video game robots too obvs!) ? Tell me in the comments!

Naturally I think this is awesome but I am pissed I didn’t do it first.

You know, it’s hard to say which could be considered the bigger pop culture achievement for the gang at Facebook. The multi-million-dollar Oscar-bait movie directed by David Fincher… or the Turkish pop song?!:

If anyone speaks Turkish, BTW, I’d love to know what young master Ismail YK is actually saying. (Call me crazy, but it might be something about picking up hot chicks on Facebook?) Also, the games must really be improving over there because clinging to a helicopter while you escape the tidal wave that destroys New York > FarmVille.

There are plenty of badasses in movie history, but only six can be the baddest assest of all. What makes a badass should be self-evident, but for this here list I’m going to boil it down to three criteria: 1) Ability to overcome obstacles using guile and cunning as well as force, 2) durability in the face of overwhelming odds, 3) SACK! The swagger to laugh, or smirk, at whatever situation presents itself. There are plenty of characters that I’ve left off the list by simple fact that they are hot heads, so guys like Indiana Jones or Martin Riggs are suitably awesome, but lose their cool too often to be considered for this list. Get it? Let us begin.

VI – Walker in POINT BLANK (1967)
One of the many adaptations of Richard Stark’s novel “The Hunter,” in which a man is imprisoned and his money stolen by his so-called friends. He wants his money, no more, no less. As far as single-minded characters go, Walker is probably the best. Played by the rock solid Lee Marvin in his gruff and sturdy prime as evidenced by the scene in which Angie Dickinson beats on him as hard as she possibly can and he not only doesn’t get hurt, he doesn’t even move. Walker is the kind of character we know will kill us if we get in his way. The scene most exemplifying his badassery comes when he calmly dangles, then drops, his former friend Mal Reese off of a balcony, then just as icily leaves the scene of the crime before anyone notices.

V – Sanjuro in YOJIMBO (1961)
A masterless samurai walks into a gang-ravaged town with nothing but a sword and a sneer and leaves with a pile of bodies behind him. Toshiro Mifune, in a role that would be his calling card, displays subtlety and nuance behind his cold-ass glare and solemn face. “Yojimbo,” one of Akira Kurosawa’s very best, is one of the first movies to depict the hero getting the snot beaten out of him only to pick himself up, dust himself off, and kill every last fucker he’s ever seen. In an iconic, and famously ripped off, scene  Sanjuro slices two guys to death and hacked the arm off another, then calmly walks to the cooper and says, “Two coffins. No, maybe three.”

IV – John McClane in DIE HARD (1988)
This is the role that took Bruce Willis from comedy tv actor to full-on action god. John McClane embodies wrong place at the wrong time, but where some characters might just stay quiet and let the proper authorities handle it, he dives in head first and pretty much single-handedly kills every terrorist-cum-thief in Nakatomi Plaza. He also pioneered the Jack Bauer trope of fighting back a man-cry during a particularly heavy and dire situation. His crowning achievement, of course, comes when he coined the immortal phrase “Yippee-Ki-Yay, Motherfucker,” which he has said in all four films. For a moment that is specifically “Die Hard 1,” though, we turn to the scene in which he jumps of a roof, barefoot, his feet cut up with glass, tethered by a fire hose and slams full boor into a plexi-glass window, which he then shoots and falls into. Talk about risking life and limb.

III – Jules Winnfield in PULP FICTION (1994)
In Quentin Tarantino’s canon of badassery at all costs, Jules, played by the monstrously awesome Samuel L. Jackson, is his crowning glory. For not being in the movie quite as much as John Travolta or Bruce Willis, Jackson is easily the most memorable part of the whole shebang. From his bravura show of force at the beginning of the film to his quiet realization of the value of life at the end, Jules easily takes the biggest journey. Basically the only character in the movie to come out more or less unscathed, his transformation is the lynch pin holding all the others together. His piece de resistance comes during the ending diner heist where he ponders the futility of life, death, and his role in them while spouting bible verses and participating in one of the zig-zaggiest Mexican standoffs in all of filmdom. He’s trying real hard to be the shepherd.

II – James Bond in any James Bond movie
There are few literary characters in the last 100 years that have as famous a surname as Bond. The name immediately evokes cool. Ian Fleming envisioned his super spy as nothing more than a paper-pusher who kills, a government stooge with a gun. Little did he know that his blunt instrument would become one of the most popular and enduring figures in Western culture, appearing (officially) in 22 films between 1962 and 2008. Bond is always there to foil some evil, and often ridiculous, plot to destroy or hold ransom the entire population of Earth and he always does it with a twinkle in his eye, a shit-eating grin, and the ability to bed anything with a vagina. It’s almost impossible to nail down (pardon the pun) just one of the many great Bond moments over the years, but one of my favorites has to be in “From Russia With Love,” (1963) when he has a shootout with a helicopter and comes out the victor. After shooting it down with a small sniper rifle, and the ensuing glorious explosion, Bond merely quips, “I’d say one of their aircraft is missing.”

I – The Man With No Name in THE GOOD, THE BAD, AND THE UGLY (1966)
Sure, I may be a little biased given the film is my number one favorite of all time, but it’s hard to argue with Clint Eastwood’s gravitas in the badass department. What makes TMWNN so different is that he’s a trickster character who is truly only in it for the money and is always scheming for the best position to get it. His skills as a gunman are unmatched, but it’s his brain that gets him out of most situations in this film. He always makes sure he has the upper hand, even when it looks like a surefire demise. This is the third film to feature Clint as this character and though he has the fewest lines of the three leads, he makes the most of them. Every line he utters is memorable, as is every gunshot. The entire movie builds to his ultimate ascension to badass royalty, culminating in the greatest showdown in Western movie history and one of the best lines ever: “There are two types of people in this world, my friend: those with loaded guns, and those who dig. You dig.” He’s not a very nice guy, but there’s definitely a reason he’s called “The Good.”

And there you have it. Go rent some movies and enjoy some badassitute.

You’re welcome.
-Kanderson

YOU MUST WATCH THIS. The video starts playing automatically on page load so click here to

This goes from being severely Redneck to almost adorably Japanese. It is a top to bottom win.

via noob.us & Hunter Boone

PS – Don’t try this if you have access to a hay baler. Clearly this was rigged in some way. A hay baler will put your parts into a haystack, but they won’t be in the right order or moving anymore.

Disney is attempting to make their classic (and still perfectly hilarious) content hipper, phatter and/or qualitatively phresher by adding douchebag overdubs to many of their timeless cartoons. As in the ones that were doing just fine the way they were—thank you very much—you cynical, soulless, money-grubbing corporate savages.

But the results are goddamn fantastic…in a gallows humor, psyche-shattering, has-the-world-really-come-to-this(?), sort of way.

This, I can handle with a slow, dry, world weary guffaw. BUT! They just had to go and push the envelope a little further…

[NSFW Duck Ranting]

The only upside I can see to all of this is that it conjures up the mental image of a towering, half-frozen Walt Disneystein corpse-monster slap fighting with the 400 ft. Jedi ghost of Stanley Kubrick in the middle of downtown Tokyo.

…or maybe that’s just me and my way of dealing with this traumatic assault on my childhood. Everyone has their own process.