I’ll get off of this Back To The Future kick eventually, I promise, but first we need to talk about these:

Here we have the second prototype of Power Laces shoes, a la BTTF Part II, created by Blake Bevin. This updated prototype has the lacing mechanism built into the sole, and has a sensor in the sole which activates the motor automatically. As Marty McFly once said, “Alright!”

Here’s the catch: Bevin is not affiliated with Nike…she’s trying to get these things onto shelves herself. You can check out his Kickstarter site here. The question is, will this infringe on Nike’s patent for Power Laces shoes? By the looks of it, yes. Nike appears to have a patent both for an automatic lacing system and for the specific lighting of the shoes as seen in the movie.

Thanks to Hud for the comment in my previous article that lead me to this one! You are awarded 500 internets.

You know, it’s hard to say which could be considered the bigger pop culture achievement for the gang at Facebook. The multi-million-dollar Oscar-bait movie directed by David Fincher… or the Turkish pop song?!:

If anyone speaks Turkish, BTW, I’d love to know what young master Ismail YK is actually saying. (Call me crazy, but it might be something about picking up hot chicks on Facebook?) Also, the games must really be improving over there because clinging to a helicopter while you escape the tidal wave that destroys New York > FarmVille.

If Wednesday, October 21st, 2015 rolls around and we still don’t have hoverboards or flying cars, then all my childhood hopes and dreams will be crushed.

Sometimes, a product comes on the market that is so ingenious that you have to wonder why you didn’t think of it. This is one of those products.

I present to you the single greatest thing ever in the history of everything: the Gamerator.

The Gamerator is a full-size arcade cabinet that comes installed with a 26” HD monitor and a desktop PC, pre-loaded with over 85 classic arcade games. Nothing special, you say? Well, I haven’t told you about the refrigerated interior that can hold a full-size keg!

The front of the Gamerator features a tap so you can draw directly from the cold keg without leaving your game of Robotron. Oh, and there are cupholders right above the joysticks. If it could dispense cheese fries, it would be heaven.

This thing could spawn a whole new generation of drinking games:

-”Finish” someone in Mortal Kombat (perform a Fatality) and your opponent must “finish” his or her beer.
-However many Space Invaders reach the bottom, chug for that many seconds.
-Drink, play Sinistar, and try not to pee your pants.

If you’re under 21 or just not a drinker, you can always get a delicious Root Beer keg or another non-alcoholic equivalent. For those who are over 21, please remember to drink responsibly, and don’t drink and Joust.

The existential struggle of this robot is both fascinating and truly, truly sad.

A robot whose sole purpose is to unplug itself so it won’t be a burden to us anymore. I’ve put some sad robots up here, but this guy might take the cake.

But that’s okay, because here I have the single greatest invention ever. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the BEST ROBOT EVER:

Thank the lord! I was getting so damn tired of playing with my own Slinky. I mean, the fatigue. The unbelievable strain on my arms. My god, it’s as if the thing was made out of some kind of metal. Well, it is, but you know. A heavy metal. But I need not worry any longer! Nay, for an unnamed genius has given me a reason to go on! Now I will be able to enjoy my Slinky and its mesmerizing cascades of coiled metal, without any of the work. Yes, I could sit and enjoy a pastrami sandwich and a nice glass of lemonade, watch my Slinky perform, and lift nary a finger. The future, my friends, is here.

It’s that time again! Put on your party pants and let’s play some Win/Win/FAIL!

WIN: Making Justin Bieber Sound Awesome

You’re not going to believe this, but technology has found a way to make Justin Bieber sound as good as Animal Collective. How? The secret is to play him eight times slower. Yes, if you slow down Justin Bieber’s piano ballad “U Smile” by 800%, the result is an ethereal, slow-building, 35-minute-long epic. Don’t believe me? Give it a listen:

Here’s the original, for comparison. You can hear the first iteration of the chorus, around 00:30-00:45, somewhere between 6:00 and 10:00 in the slowed down version. CAUTION: songs with titles that use the letter “u” instead of “you” in a non-ironic way could cause nosebleeds, brain hemorrhaging, and an insatiable urge to tweet about J Biebz:

[via Gizmodo]

WIN: Incredible 3-D Projection On Building

It loses a few points when it turns out to be a Samsung ad and not some kinda over-the-top animation project, but it’s still pretty impressive.

[via Today's Big Thing]

FAIL: Nice Try, Sony

A 1973 magazine ad for the Sony TC-377 tape deck…

Great-Grandpa: This is for you, kiddo. Merry Christmas.
Me: Thanks, pop-pop!
(tearing of wrapping paper)
Me: This is…a tape deck?
Great-Grandpa: Yep! Now you can listen to all of your music anywhere in the entire house!
Me: Well…thanks. It looks kinda cool and vintage anyway.
Great-Grandpa: I got you this, too!
Me: Oh, thanks!
(tearing of wrapping paper)
Great-Grandpa: It’s an abacus for your mathematics homework.
Me: (cries)

[via Gizmodo]

Careful where you wave that thing. Even in ‘Merica, the country where you can get a free AK-47 with a purchase of a pickup truck, you’ll face 180 days in jail for aiming a laser pointer at an aircraft because of the possible hazards. That’s just any regular ol’ laser pointer. Now, check this thing out:

This Spyder III Pro Arctic, a class IV laser, is so powerful and bright that you can actually see the beam. It has an output power approaching 1W…for reference, your typical commercial class II laser pointer will only be about 1 mW, 1000 times less powerful. How much damage can one watt do? Well, supposedly this laser can ignite human skin. Even if it doesn’t, the blue light can cause immediate and irreversible retinal damage and cause cancer. So…a lot. It can do a lot of damage.

It’s also totally legal in the U.S. and costs about $200.

I have a tough time being at ease with that. I know a lot of dumb people who have $200 lying around who would be waving this thing like a lightsaber all willy-nilly. No, I wasn’t talking about me. I don’t have $200.

In Australia, being caught in possession of a class III laser—less powerful that the Spyder III—can land you in prison for up to fourteen years. That might be overkill, but we are talking about a country with mandatory porn filtering.

In America, class IV lasers require a key-switch for safety, but are otherwise legal. Now I’m all for the second amendment, but I also don’t want to catch fire. Or cancer.

One company would definitely be happy for a ban, though: Lucasfilm Ltd. has sent a cease and desist to Wicked Lasers, claiming that the Spyder III looks too much like a lightsaber.

What do you guys think?

As long as you’ve seen this video, you know I love text-to-speech applications. If it was illegal to make your computer say a dirty word you typed, then we’d all be let out of prison due to capacity limitations.  There is a unique joy in hearing the words “poopy smudge” computer generated. It brings out the kid in you. Don’t believe me? Try this. Highlight the following sentences and get speaking: “Hey, you pile of boners. Listen to me already. When I close my eyes all I hear are the screams of thousands of children as their blood is drained into the in-ground pools of the rich.” Xtranormal.com has taken this idea a few steps further. Continue on for an explanation and demonstration.

You may be a bit familiar with xtranormal. Their site was used to make the now infamous iPhone vs HTC Evo video. The concept around xtranormal is simple yet ingenious: text-to-movie. Once you’ve created an account you can choose from a variety of themes (called showpaks), locations, characters, and voices. Simply type something, and the character will animate and say it. Surprisingly, it sounds much more real than you’d think, but still hilariously bad. You even get to drag and drop little icons into your script to create motion, sound effects, and camera movement for that added touch. There are plenty of free options to choose from, but if you want a wider variety of selections, just pay by way of an xbox-live-esque points system.

The best part is you can create a series and even upload it to youtube. So I’ve created a little series called, “Terry.” It follows Terry through his days as an office worker that no one really cares about. I’ve embedded the first episode, “Office Party,” above. To see the next (and better) episodes go to my youtube account. I plan on doing one every couple of days now, so subscribe to keep updated.

After you’re done paying attention to me, go to xtranormal and try this for yourself! Then share them with everyone here! Easy. Fun. Hilarious!

Follow me on twitter for jokes about stuff and whatever.

Gizmodo did a very interesting study involving the quality of user photos on dating site OkCupid, and how the camera you use determines your success in getting a date through an online matchmaker. Of course, the real headline of the study is this: iPhone users get freaky with twice as many partners as Android users.

The numbers were taken, apparently, from OkCupid users and their data (which I guess includes how many people they’ve slept with). Gizmodo reports that this data comes from 9,785 users, all aged 30. So those out there who are sticklers for proper experimental procedure, that at least covers the sample size. However, I couldn’t find any mention of how many users of each phone OS were surveyed, so the sample size of users for each individual phone OS remains a mystery. Maybe they only surveyed two Android users, and they were huge Jonas Brothers fans and have been wearing promise rings for the past five years.

Which raises another question…the Gizmodo article (and every other blogger out there who has covered this subject…including me now, I guess) is quick to say that this means that iPhone users have “more sex”. However, the numbers only indicate the number of different sexual partners…it could be, that instead of iPhone users being cool, attractive, and seductive, and Android users being lonely losers, that Android users are simply more monogamous, while iPhone users are a bunch of streetwalking harlots. That’s right. I just called you iSluts. Deal with it.

iWhore

For the record, the rest of the Gizmodo article about camera quality and user photos is actually pretty interesting. And it will not judge you for your number of sexual partners.

It’s time for Win/Win/Fail! Three technological oddities, two of them awesome, and one of them totally dumb. Here we gooooooooo!

WIN: Paintable Android Figurine

Whether you carry around an iPhone or a Droid, you can’t deny that this little guy is awesome. Android passed the iPhone in new subscribers this year, and now they’ve passed them in omgsocute-ness. Here are some of Gizmodo’s ideas for the figurine:

Image via Gizmodo

WIN: Hawk Eye RC Chopper (with spy camera!)

RC helicopters are old news, but this one allows you to become your own recon and intelligence bureau with a built-in camera. It can snap still photos and take video, all at your command via the Dualshock-looking remote control.

FAIL: Roboscooper aka Dude, You’re Way Too Lazy

Don’t be fooled by the fact that the Roboscooper has infrared sensors that find objects on the ground and picks them up. The Roboscooper is worthless, and it should not be encouraged. Do not give the Roboscooper any praise after it picks up an item of one ounce or less (that’s all it can lift) off of your floor and puts it on its back. The Roboscooper is weak. When the robot uprising begins, the Roboscooper will not kill any humans. It will be relegated to picking up remains after the battle. Do not let the Roboscooper interact with your Roomba, or they will get ideas. Roboscooper costs $70, and is in no way worth that much money.

Fail, Roboscooper. Fail.