Welp, there’s another Apple announcement tomorrow morning, no doubt during which a turtlenecked Prometheus will descend upon Yerba Buena Center and share some kind of knowledge of the gods that mortals will tear their eyes out to acquire. What will it be? New MacBook Airs? iTV (much to the ire of the British network already using that name)? CloudTunes? Veriz-iPhone? The creation of an actual white apple that tastes like a not-too-distant Utopian future?

As I am hosting Attack of the Show on G4 tomorrow, I can promise you that we’ll cover it. In the meantime, mark your spots on the above card to see how well you know the mind of Steve.

via Today in iOS Podcast

North American Doctor Who fans got a mondo-enormo-sized bit of news on Wednesday regarding an upcoming DVD release.  In an exclusive interview with David and Marty Hooie of the spectacular Hoo On Who podcast, Daniel Hall of 2 Entertain, the folks behind many BBC DVDs, among them the fantastic line of classic Who, broke the news that the distributor finally reached an agreement to allow the 1996 TV Movie to be available on Region 1 for the first time ever!

The 1996 TV movie is the lone screen outing by 8th Doctor, Paul McGann.  The movie was co-produced by the BBC, Universal Television, and Fox with Universal retaining the North American home video rights.  It was long believed that Universal didn’t care enough about the property, or didn’t think it would yield much money, and as such we’d never get to see the movie in the U.S. or Canada anywhere but on bootleg or YouTube, which I suppose is also a bootleg.  But Mr. Hall’s announcement yesterday means sometime in the next year, R1 fans will get not only the movie, but the super deluxe special edition that will be released in the UK later this year.

The DVD will feature a number of excellent documentaries about the making of the movie and the adventures the 8th Doctor took in comic strip and audio form in the interim until the new series began.  I’m most excited for an all new commentary recorded by McGann and 7th Doctor Sylvester McCoy, whose regeneration is depicted within.  The DVD should be out sometime in the next 12 months and I’m as excited as a little girl.

You’re welcome.
-Kanderson

Seems like you can’t go anywhere without bumpin’ into ‘billies. Go out to get a soda; you run into a meth-billy. Pick up some fast food for the family; you run into a fetish-billy. Go to Craigslist; you get the picture. Take haven in your panic room. It’s time for another Hillbilly News Update!

Get Me Outta Here

Chris Collins, you are a hero. Did I ever tell you that? I didn’t? Well, you are and you need be that hero now. There is a person trapped in that Dr. Pepper vending machine. Take this axe, valiant one. Free them. What do you mean you don’t hear anyone in there? There is. Trust me. I’m crystal meth. I’m very trustworthy. Now chop.

Good ol’ “Chris from Boise,” which we’ve all agreed on calling him, was cruising with his meth around town. Upon passing a vending machine, he imagined voices or something from within it. So, he took his axe out and started splitting the metal beast that had swallowed the innocent victim. If you were on meth, you’d do it too. You’d also compare yourself to Paul Bunyan to the authorities and get arrested.

[via Seattle Weekly]

Talk About a Spit Wad

Darlene Pinnix, 55 years of age, came back to her North Carolina home after midnight. A late night gallivant of the provocative persuasion perhaps? Husband Lonnie Pinnix, 38 years of age, seemed to think so. He WANTED HER OUT OF THERE. She just wanted to lay down after a busy night of sex, or work. I don’t know. Lonnie’s distaste for this, combined with the deep seeded hate of his name, drove him to grab his pistol and load it – with a wad of toilet paper.

Darlene got treatment for some powder burns on her back and now, Lonnie is keeping his back to the wall in prison.

[via UPI]

Greg Edison < Thomas Edison

Yeah. I used this picture last time. So what? No one bought this baby yet.

Nothing says “use a condom” like a failed father selling his kid on the internet. Greg Edison got fed up with his fussy kid and tried to sell it on Craigslist. “She will be on the porch waiting for you,” he types. “LOL,” he types. The laughter doesn’t cover up the fact that you are a hillbilly, Greg.

[via Seattle Weekly]

NOW THATS WHAT I CALL COSPLAY!

Carlton Kohert: Young. Engaged. Marine. Drunk. Kinky.

Carl got drunk and left his fiance at the lake. She had to hitch a ride after walking five hours to get home, but that’s besides the point. He left to dress up in a child’s banana costume and whip his banana out at a Wendy’s. After that he hit up the department store to do some burnouts in his Stratus. But we all know that is boring. I suppose he did it to help brainstorm his next brilliant idea. He got out with a shotgun in hand and “talked some gibberish” about white supremacy. His dick was put away at this point. Calm down.

[via Seattle Weekly]

Tweet Me

The den is expanding beautifully. I feel like a plump termite queen.

Rachael Oehring – FOOD: You may have already seen her lickable screen shots of Princess Leia Cinnamon Rolls the other day. She runs a delicious blog at Gagging Towards Bethlehem.

Danny Damore – WEB: Danny finds neato stuff online with nerdy undertones. And nerdy overtones.

Kyle Anderson – WEB with an emphasis on Doctor Who: Why, he just reviewed the 11 Doctor action figure set this very day!!!

Becca Gleason – MUSIC: I KNOW! Finally! Becca co-runs The-Sound-Advice with her pal Matt Grosinger.

Also, you will see Nerdist Podcast citizens Jonah Ray and Matt Mira poking around on here from time to time. I keep bugging Mira to write about his passion, NASA, so that will happen soon just to shut me up.

Welcome all! You are handsome patches on this digital quilting bee!

Get yer tix here!

Nerdist Poster art courtesy of Node Warrior DANIEL SPELLMAN.

Taiwan’s NMANews reports on the Apple iPhone 4 “Antennagate” story with groundbreaking journalism.

via Gizmodo

Hillbillies – a carefully crafted breed of humans designed for our entertainment. I’ve collected four stories of irrationality to share with you all. Sorry. I’ve collected four stories of irrationality to share with y’all. There’s beer, nudity, cheese, and a baby co-op. All the ‘billy news your tiny hearts can handle after the break.

Walmart: The Hillbilly Beehive

Thanks for shopping at Walmart. Let’s see what we’ve got here. Some potato chips, a can of Manwich, a light bulb. Some AA batteries, a big ol’ bag of socks, mosquito repellant with extra DEET. Gun ammo, beef jerky, and…this is a baby. We don’t sell babies. Where did you get this?

A lovely Californian couple were in need of some extra cash since their last meth hits were wearing off. They hopped in the car with their 6-month-old and set off for Walmart, the hillbilly’s heaven on Earth. Trying as hard as they could, they just couldn’t persuade two women to buy their baby for $25. Too expensive maybe? Surprisingly, the police were called in on this black market bartering. Probably out of the fear of socialism taking over. They were taken to jail and now there’s one less meth addict breastfeeding in the world.

[via Yahoo!]

Be On the Lookout for a Naked Cheese Thief

I may live in Los Angeles, but I am an Ohioan at heart. There’s not many things more entertaining to me than an Ohio hillbilly news story. They are a special breed. Just watch FOX Toledo to see what I mean. They seem to only report on hillbilly culture, the weather, and terribly racist stuff. My friends and I called the primetime news, “Today in Racism.”

He may not be from northern Ohio, but Cincinnati’s Darrell Bess is worth mentioning. The man was hungry. Who doesn’t get hungry? So he did what anyone would do, stole a four pound block of cheese and escaped to the public library. On his way to the restroom he got bored and stole some dvd’s to entertain himself. Upon reaching said restroom, Darrell had worked up a sweat and needed to cool off. He removed all his clothing and splashed around in the sink. When the police came to spoil his fun they found the cheese, the dvd’s, and some knives. Hillbillies always carry knives. They’ll claim they’re for work, but they’re probably not. Thankfully, Darrell wore clothing to his court date.

[via Cincinnati.com]

Drunk Driving

If there is one distinctive hillbilly smell that isn’t deer pee, it’s alcohol. Apparently, this Paul Sneddon guy decided to go on a four day bender in an effort to get back at his liver…and his car. I’d say he did pretty good. At three times the legal limit he got behind the wheel, crashed into stuff, and flipped onto its roof. (I like to imagine an old, rusty Chevy Lumina.) That wasn’t enough for Paul, though. Too far down the hillbilly totem pole to be respected by his hillbilly friends, I guess. While waiting to be rescued, he reached for another cold, refreshing can of beer. Gotta take the edge off. Right, Paul?

[via The Daily Telegraph]

Another Drunk ‘Billy

Awe, the first days of summer. Nothing like hitting the Florida beaches, cruising for babes, and relaxing on an inner tube in the Gulf of Mexico during the worst oil spill ever. This blackout drunk drifted a mile offshore oblivious to the world around him. After blaring their horns and shouting to no avail, the Coast Guard rescued the incoherent dumb-dumb. Although, the guy isn’t completely worthless. His name is Jerry Whipple. That’s a fun last name to say out loud.

[via Gadling]

Comment or Tweeter Me!

Just like Gremlins 2: The New Batch, a have dropped this blog in water and the resulting pustules have erupted with fresh talent (sadly, though, no Tony Randall)

KIALA KAZEBEE - Games
I met this delightful young woman and her husband when I performed in Portland last year. You may have already seen her post about Red Dead Redemption, which stirred up the discussion pot nicely.

MATTHEW BONE – Art
You have probably already seen Matthew’s hands. He owns the two that have the kick-ass Vader/Kenobi tatts that I wrote about a couple of months ago. He is an artist with an eye for art, so this only makes sense, really.

NICOLE CAMPOS – TV/Pop Culture
I first met Nicole in my hosting infancy when she was a contestant on my first game show for MTV, Trashed. She also writes for LA Weekly and if you read her recent post about the Fringe-verse, you know she is brimming with nerd cred.

JAMES ENLOE – Watches
James emailed me a little while back and pitched a column about watches. Personally, I don’t wear them because the weight of them on my wrist agitates me, but I sure do like lookin’ at em! I thought this was a super cool idea so now we have a Watch Nerdist. Think of him as your Timelord. (Scratch that. Think of ME as your Timelord. Because I want to be one. Well , one in particular, anyway.)

Welcome! Welcome! A thousand times WELCOME!!! You are shiny new threads in the rich fabric of the Nerdist tapestry!

*NOTE: I am aware that “contributores* is a Spanglified English word that does not exist*

A fair question indeed!

Today a sponsored tweet went out on my tweetstream.

WHA?! But…you…why…just…ASSHOLE!”

There was much less backlash than I had anticipated, actually. Still, I am a pretty up-front guy and I would like to tell you what’s going on:

For about 18 months or so, I was the lone scribe on this site. I turned down sponsorships because it just seemed like people didn’t need more advertising thrown at them and I was happy to work alone for free just to provide information to readers about weird, nerdy stuff that I like. Then, the podcast happened. Again, I passed on sponsorship early on for the same reason. Now, I’m about to launch a social network for the Nerdist Community–a space where hopefully nerds will unify to create cool stuff (more on that later, but beta invites will be going out to those who want them soon).

Recently, I took on contributors because my time was becoming too splintered between working for G4, traveling & doing stand-up (I’m putting an hour together for a special), book-writing, Wired writing, and managing the various Web entities. So here’s the thing: currently, I have about 20 people working for me to help expand the Nerdist horizons who aren’t being paid a cent. Jonah, Matt, the contributors, my new editor Laurie, the social network peeps…all working for free. I explained to them up top that while 80% of my time is devoted to Nerdist-related endeavors, none of it generates any money. They still said okay.

But I feel like it’s not okay. Good Will should only have to last so long (try opening a business with “hugs” as collateral). While some of you say things like, “WTF do you need extra cash for???” I will tell you!–> I really want to give people free things but it costs money to give people free things. I am not a large corporation. I am just a dude. But it is my dream that each of these Web-based entities will one day be able to sustain themselves. If Nerdist.com generates enough money to have a paid staff with paid contributors and a paid editor, we can bring better content consistently (I don’t think anyone can dispute that the contributors have added a whole new excellent dimension to this site). It allows content creators to feel okay about the time they’re throwing into their work instead of worrying about other work that actually feeds them.

I understand where we’re at as a society. America is a fucking billboard at this point and it’s irritating. But understand that I can’t keep doing this forever unless there is a sustainable business model in place, and I certainly don’t want you shelling out cash for it. If I can get a month’s worth of quality blog posts out of my contributors just by writing a SENTENCE on Twitter, I’d be crazy not to do that. Know this: the sponsorships will not become overwhelming. On Nerdist & Node (the upcoming network) you might see a banner, on the podcast a 30 second live “brought to you by” read, and the VERY OCCASIONAL tweet (and I really do mean VERY occasional). This will allow each of these to survive and improve. If it bothers you too much then I respect your decision to disassociate yourself from me and my various bullcrappery. If you can, though, please just try to ignore it if it bothers you and appreciate the content that I provide. Know that it’s not me trying to buy a summer house but rather me trying to expand an idea and give you more stuff. Also, and this is the most important point in my opinion, I will ALWAYS tell you if something is sponsored. NEVER worry that I’m slyly trying to sell you something by recommending it. There will never be a doubt as to whether or not what you’re seeing is something I am genuinely sharing or something that is keeping this rickety boat afloat.

You have been more than generous with your time and attention, and I respect and appreciate the trust that you have given me and this blog , the podcast, and my twitterings these last 2 years. Looking ahead, I’m hoping this could actually become some kind of  professional organization or something. I might be able to hire someone to edit and prepare the podcast files (instead of poorly doing it myself)! I could produce comedy vids for the site! I may even be able to manufacture promotional swag to give away…FOR FREE!!! I am incredibly excited about the new stuff that’s going on and the potential we have for growth. I sincerely hope you’ll stick around with me to see where it goes from here.

I less than three you,

Chris

Fred Willard is one of our generation’s most gifted comic actors. A master of sketch comedy and heralded for his quick wit and improvisational expertise, Fred has entertained audiences with unforgettable movie, television, and stage performances for over thirty years. He is an alumnus of Chicago’s famed improv group The Second City, a three-time Emmy nominee, and co-creator of The MoHo Group–a weekly sketch comedy workshop. He has appeared in over fifty motion pictures, including Roxanne, This Is Spinal Tap, Waiting for Guffman, Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy, A Mighty Wind, For Your Consideration, American Wedding, and the award-winning animated film WALL-E.

Yes, THAT Fred Willard. Come see Fred at Largo for our next Nerdist Podcast Live! series. I can promise you incredible times, unforgettable surprise special guests and there are even rumors of a book signing involving Fred and his new tome, Fred Willard’s Magnificent Movie Trivia.

This show will kick you in the brain with awesomeness, so you must be there on Thursday, July 28th! Buy your tickets now, before it’s too late!!

THIS IS THE TICKET LINK