Now THIS, good people, is the textbook definition of “lemonade” from that irritating saying about lemons. Professional Australian Christiaan Van Vuuren has apparently been placed under strict quarantine due to TB. To cope with the isolation, he started making music videos in his hospital room under the name Fully Sick Rapper.

Good on ya, mate! And let this be a lesson to all of you lazy creatives with no excuse for not making stuff! It’s like my grandpappy always said, “Don’t wait until you get TB to make cool shit.” He was prophetic that way.

Follow Christiaan’s medical steeplechase at @FullySickRapper on Twitter or see his other “keeping insanity at bay” vids on his youtube page.

via @paix120

I have seen a lot of music videos in my lifetime. I was there when MTV started. I remember Peter Gabriel’s Sledgehammer, Dire Straits’ Money For Nothing, and MJ’s Thriller, and I can say without exaggeration THIS IS MY NEW FAVORITE MUSIC VIDEO. The Mouse-trappy Rube Goldbergness of it all. A triumph!

I guess EMI smartened up and let them make their vids embeddable again. Smart move. This one is go to blow up like Vesuvius.

Well done, chaps!!!

via @EvilQueenBeryl

I’ve only ever heard a couple of covers of Hard ‘n Phirm songs but this one may be my fave.

via @JesseFromCanada

What would a collaboration between The Shins’ James Mercer and Danger Mouse sound like? THIS. It would sound exactly like this. And that is GOOD.

Pitchfork reported on this way back in September of aught 9 but only just today was I fortunate enough to stumble upon the cherubic music-baby of these two talented chaps.

Broken Bells’ full album will be captured by me when it is released March 9th.

Well, you knew this was coming.

I’m glad this is a thing.

via @neuroticmonkey

Thanks to Jonah Ray, Paul Bonanno, Annie Hardy, Rob Huebel, Brendon Walsh, Dave Gibbs, Ambrielle Web, Eli Braden & adult entertainment megastar Dana DeArmond.

Another set of thanks hurled at AOTS EPs Vinny Rutherford and Joshua Brentano for giving us cash money and a great G4-ey crew.

Thanks also go out to the 1980s for existing solely so we could make fun of it.

And thanks to me. I thank myself. Yeah, I’m just that egocentric.

Final thanks go to YOU for watching!!! 30% more thanks if you pass it on but no gratitude penalties for not.

Update: Hilariously, people keep asking where I am in the video. I’m the one with long blond wig, cowboy hat and spandex singing into the microphone with balls on it. I know I should dress that way ALL of the time but I am too attached to my normal costume of a slightly too small ironic tshirt and fancy sneakers.

ATTN CANADA & OTHER NON-US NERDS: Try this link.

I could go ON AND ON about why “The Christmas Shoes” is the worst song ever written and subsequently recorded but why read words when you can hear a live performance of it by myself and Phirm with Patton Oswalt interjecting wonderful commentary throughout?

Possess it forever here!

Recorded at Comedy Death Ray’s Xmas Show, 2006
Submitted by @GiovanniGiorgio (thank you! I had completely forgotten we did this)

As long as Soapbox keeps making and leaking these to me, I’ll keep postin’ ‘em. And from what I understand, there will be more. For the first time in ages this wave of new vids make the Muppets feel like “The Muppet Show” again.

Hurray!

FUN BACKSTORY

A few years ago I played a character named Stacee Jaxx in a brand new 80s rock musical called “Rock of Ages,” written by my pal Chris D’Arienzo. It was truly AMAZING for me–like million dollar karaoke. And who wouldn’t want to play a douchebag rock star? We did the show in 2005 and again in 2006 in Los Angeles and then we didn’t anymore. That is, until the show popped up on Broadway this year. The producers were very sweet to offer me the part I originated but literally everything I was working on in LA would have to be dropped to move to NY: no more G4, “Barnyard,” stand-up, so with great difficulty, I had to pass…and the Broadway show schedule is a demanding bitch. I don’t know how those actors do it. Eight shows a week is like a cleat to the vocal chords.

Anyway, within the world of the show I was in a super-famous 80s glam-metal band called “Arsenal,” whose two super-famous hits were “Beaver Hunt” and “I Want Your Cans.” Just for the crap of it, the then musical director Dave Gibbs and I wrote and recorded those songs. I would give them to you, but they have since been licensed by the show so I can’t. A few months ago, they came to us and asked us to submit an idea for a “Rock of Ages”-themed song for a Broadway Christmas compilation album, so we quickly wrote and pitched “All I Want for Xmas (Is To Rock),” which they were worried might be a tad suggestive for a Broadway Christmas compilation album. Fair enough. They weren’t wrong. And I don’t mean that passive-aggressively. I genuinely love all the folks who make ROA happen.

That brings us to now. A few weeks ago I says to Dave Gibbs, I says, “Hey Dave Gibbs, let’s just record the song ANYWAY. We already wrote the flippin’ thing,” to which Dave Gibbs replies, “Perfect! We can name the group after my first band ever: Sniper.” “F**K YES WE CAN.” I quickly retorted.

So, there you have it. I really wanted to pretend this was a lost track from the late 80s whose session tapes had been found buried in the walls of the Rainbow Room, but I suck at pretending. Sniper is mainly two nerdy white guys who recorded and mixed this with two other nerdy white guys.

THREE LAST THINGS

1) Yes, it’s supposed to be a ridiculous song with dumb-ass lyrics. It’s part of the fun of paying homage to that genre.
2) You may download it for FREE right HERE. If you like it, pass it around a lot.
3) If you are a stripper I DEMAND that you strip to it this holiday season.

Happy holidays and thank you for your time amidst this ocean of self-indulgence.

PS – Play it as loudly as possible. It’s better that way.

PPS – The song is MOSTLY safe for work. Except for the line “Deck the halls with titties.”