That image you see above isn’t a Russian poster for one of Mark Wahlberg’s movies. (Though it would be kind of funny if it were for the Planet of the Apes reboot, where he does play an astronaut, and yet didn’t feature any apes at all.) No, this is a book cover. A book by Vadim Polishchuk called Return of the Republicans, apparently. (Yeah, I’m even more confused now.)

Welcome to Shameless Russian Covers. Here is their brief but pointed description: “Sometimes Russian book covers are not just bad, sometimes they inexplicably have popular actors and characters on them. This is their story.” I’ve become pretty unabashedly addicted to Tumblr, even though I don’t have one of my own and don’t really feel the need to. (I maintain one for work.) Easily my favorite Tumblr pages are pop-culture spoofs like the brilliant Fake Criterions, or the sort of found item collections exactly like this that keep you coming back for more. Which is why I really hope that Shameless Russian Covers — which appears to have just gone up yesterday en masse with about a dozen entries all at once — isn’t just a fluke and they continue to add to it. Because this shit is BANANAS. Observe…

Here’s Ryan Reynolds in his entire Deadpool getup from that prequel, doing… I’m not sure what. Having an out of body experience?:

And this is hardly limited to major box-office stars; a lot of the guys they are appropriating for their heroic poses are genre TV, fandom-beloved leading men – you know, the kind of guys the nerdverse actually want to headline their ripping yarns more often. AWESOME.

Look, it’s a very pensive looking Nathan Fillion (presumably on a train speeding towards some action?):

And an equally pensive Jamie Bamber, wearing some kind of shit-hot space gauntlet:

And a camo-clad Jensen Ackles, who is in “the shit” (which some might find hot):

And John Barrowman, who is now apparently Russia’s answer to James Bond. Nice epaulets.:

Oh, and just to keep us on our toes, they are not beyond dipping into the realm of classic cinema for their heroes, either. Here’s French film icon Jean-Paul Belmondo in a jaunty beret, and he seems find it hilarious that he’s being fired upon from only a few feet away:

Please, whoever is running this Tumblr… MORE. And often. This is better than lazy mash-up Chinese DVD covers. (If not quite as inventive as Polish cinema posters. That Weekend at Bernie’s one gives me nightmares. For more than the usual reasons.)

e2-e4, everybody!

sidenote: I took this photo at an antique store. The dimensions of the board are about 3′x 3′.

I wrote you this letter.

I love you, Internet. I love you harder everyday. When I wake up, I could go outside and soak in some much needed vitamin D. Instead, I run to you, Internet. You comfort me, tuck me into bed, join me for most meals. When I’m depressed you show me this, and this, and this too, and we LOL.

It wasn’t always this way. You had to seduce me first. You’d say, “Don’t worry about doing other stuff. You’ll have to think, or move, or do something else I don’t care to think of. Your parents see me as a distraction and as a threat. That gives you a rush. Use me. Download this video on Limewire. It may be racist, but it’s 2001, or something like that, you’re young and stupid. It will be funny to you.”

You were so right. I was young and stupid, but not anymore. I use you to learn how to do this, and this, and this too. You make me think about life’s important questions. You open me up to artists of the higher culture. I’m better because of you.

I don’t know how you do it, Internet, but you always manage to fulfill desires I don’t know I have. Take this grid of video game consoles for example. I never knew it, but I’ve wanted to see that my entire life.

I’m told Egypt doesn’t have you right now. Not sure why. I suppose I could use you to read the news, but why would I do that when I could go to this site.

Urz 4 Eva,

Matthew

Find Matthew on the Internet site Twitter.

[via College Humor]

I’ll see you on Twitter. PEACE!

[via Break]

You can follow Matthew on Twitter.

It’s not that I don’t enjoy the occasional round of Mario Kart or a quality Guitar Hero battle, in fact, it’s quite the opposite. When I get sucked into a game you have to pry my clenching hands away from that controller. You could also probably lure me away with concert tickets or a cookie if the situation ever arises. That being said, when my friend Brian sent me this video over the holidays, I was partly confused but also amazed. It wasn’t just the concept that left me in fits of giggles, but the fact that a group of people spent serious time thinking this was a good idea. The music can also be described as the best-worst part of the experience.

The game is called Zoo Race. It’s a Christian video game about the racing of animals  after they were saved from death on Noah’s Ark. Naturally, the animal people then have a dance party to some awesomely horrible country-rock 8 bit music. Did I mention Jesus is there?

I don’t want to ruin the magic of watching it for the first time, but this is how Brian set up Zoo Race – Noah’s Adventures, the game movie:

“I don’t know what kind of mood you’re in, but I couldn’t stop laughing when some family friends showed this to me earlier. It’s the opening cinema scene from a REALLY cheap game called ‘Zoo Race’ for PC which is Christian or something. Also, they show a montage of the game-play. Make sure you watch the whole thing.”

(Take a good look at Ruben’s arm at 1:41)

With the holidays behind us and New Years right around the corner, it’s basically just boring old winter time again. Fortunately, somebody has taken advantage of the blizzard sweeping the Northeast and made an impressive Jabba the Hutt snow sculpture.

Know of any other snow creations that will tickle our fancy? Tweet me a link and I’ll post it on here!

Found via Furious Fanboys

(via I Own Image)

(found on Digg)

(Merry Christmas)

(tweets)

You know what else helps? Perspective. Mugger-floopin’ perspective.

With the possible exceptions of Lite Jazz and the tortured screams of dying unicorns, the nightmarish crescendo of whirring rattles heard in this video is perhaps the best example I’ve ever come across of the Soundtrack To A Poorly Chosen Career.

I mean, c’mon; take some night school classes and pursue a dream of yours that doesn’t involve death by angry snake swarms in the cold and spooky darkness.

Or, y’know, keep wrangling ornery venom-serpents for giggles and making Blair Witch accounts of your travails…y’crazyass darkness-plumbin’, headlamp-wearin’ Demon Hunter/walking adrenal gland of a person.

To each their own.

‘I can’t feel my legs. Think I peed myself a little. Need a bigger bucket’

Crow-Eating Editor’s Note: Glib internet tomfoolery aside, the creator of this video is…well…he’s kind of an A-1 Badass. Saving snakes and taking names. For more information, be sure to check out his site.

• Yesterday, approx. 10:30 p.m. I’m perusing my Twitter feed and notice one of the entertainment news accounts (honestly, can’t remember which one) reporting about Nancy O’Dell taking over for Mary Hart on Entertainment Tonight.

• This begets a sudden realization, after reading how ol’ Leggy Hart has been on ET for nearly 30 years, that I still have foggy childhood memories of the early days of the show: All relaxed slow-pan camera angles, soft-jazz renditions of the theme tune with none of the obnoxious guitar riffage of today.  Lo-fi, stock photography-crammed graphics and a noticeable dearth of red-carpet coverage compared to the current incarnation.  Back in the early 80′s, my grade-school recollections included a lot more casual-Baba Wawa style sit-down interviews in people’s homes and segments that really had little to do with celebrity gossip or fashion, though they were still entertainment-relevant.  Basically, entirely free of the tabloid-y tropes that characterize the show today. You know what that means: YOUTUBE TIME.

• Fifteen minutes later, after browsing and watching several clips in varying degrees of hilarious, I happen upon this clip featuring original co-host Ron Hendren (and his spectacular perm) breaking down the home video revolution in easy-to-understand bullet points.  Betamax? VHS? Laserdisc? How DO you best spend your $700?!:

I realize it’s a terribly soft target to elicit yuks from early-80′s footage like this, with outrageous prices for home video gear, top-loading VCR’s and whatever the hell that flat 8-track looking thing from RCA was. (How many of those units sold? Three?!)  Granted, it’s rare that they’re not still funny regardless. And that’s not why I felt this nugget of news-magazine-y history was worthy of a blog. Watch that segment again, and stop and think about it: This was on Entertainment Tonight! (!11!!1111!1!1!!!!) Once upon a time, the show that indirectly unleashed the musical tyranny of John Tesh on an unsuspecting public actually provided useful tips to gadget geeks. Doesn’t that just just beat all? (And no, it doesn’t make amends for inflicting Steven Cojocaru on us later, either. But it’s something.)

Also, note: For anyone who finds this significantly less amusing than I do, stick with it and there’s a groovy vintage bit of cinema advertising tacked onto the end. *whip-crack!* (That’s your hint…)

Next time: I actually get back to significant telly talk, of the Caprica-eulogizin’ variety. (Even though there are still episodes yet to air. Of which I’m going to watch one tonight. *gasp!*)