That dress covers nothing. You can still TOTALLY see that dog’s snizz.

via Jason Chen

I may be 24, but I still love Pokemon. I find this adorable. I’d say yes should a girl gave it to me, if we lived in a universe where it’s ok for women to ask men out on dates.

I have a feeling people will have split opinions on this smooth, dating tactic.

(via Kotaku)

Gotta Catch’em All. All of my tweets.

So I’m buying jeans at the Beverly Center Mega-Mall complex and Shopatorium today and a dude comes up to me and says, “I love your blog!” which is exciting to me because I enjoy being acknowledged. I reply with the clever, “Thanks!” (as you should do in a situation such as this) and go to shake his hand. When I look down, I see some decorative flesh art that is so epic that I start taking pictures of it almost before I ask if it’s okay.

The best part is, THEY’RE NOT DONE. Soon lightsabers will adorn each finger. He said he felt weird because, “If I were Caucasian, Obi Wan would look right, but because I’m Mexican, he just looks kinda tan,” to which I reply drolly, “Well, Tatooine IS in a binary star system.” *snort laugh*

So to this fine young gentleman with exquisite taste in online periodical literature (whose tweetstream is @matthewebone) I say, “NICE TATOOINE TATTS!”

Btw, don’t bother cutting off his right hand. It would only become more powerful than you could possibly imagine.

Well, if you enjoy granulated spices in any capacity I can’t see a good goddamn reason why you wouldn’t want to unleash them onto your food with these gravity-based spice deployment units. Space Invaders prepared us for the impending alien invasion, should it come in a rhythmic, typewriter-like attack from chunky jagged creatures.

For added enjoyment, you can make the classic video game laser sound “pchew pchew” every time you shake some out.

via TechVert & @ineedryan

I got nothin’ for this one. Other than abject terror, that is…I mean, I’m sure it’s nothing more than a benign cutaneous keratinous tumor but GAH!!!

via zuzutop

Sweet cheese these are hilarious. See nine more at Uphaa.

Anyone who knows me knows I love ol’ George House, especially when he’s leaning on a crutch to Huang Huang.

I’m not 100% sure where this ran but I have my suspicions (I’m looking at YOU, China). Of course, bad translation is always hilarious. ALWAYS. But in reality, I don’t even have the ability to draw a Chinese character, much less assemble a bunch of them to form poor sentences. All Asian letters just looks like pieces of Wheat Chex to me, so I gotta lotta nerve harshin’ on their English skillz.

Though, to be fair, I don’t get paid to translate things for large companies, like the lunatic who had the won tons to accept Yuan for this hatchet job.

via BuzzFeed

Made in Alabama by Vacant Manifesto. Almost makes me wish I had a boozy, ethnically stereotyped automaton to leave me for dead in a lens-filtered effect shoot out. *sigh*

WARNING: May be considered racist if you’re a Mexican robot.

EL FIN DE LINEA.

via Steve Burdette

“Nose Aerobics.” It’s a thing. It’s a thing somebody thought of and talked another person into making it a physical reality.

From the site InventionZoo.com (who claim “Clever Products for Clever People”–sarcastically, I imagine):

With numerous games to play, this is how it works: Attach the stem to the glasses, put the glasses on, then attach any one of the different games to the end of the stem and get ready for fun. By moving your head, you create the action to play the game or solve the puzzle. As seen on the “Rosie O’Donnell Show.” Guaranteed laughs!

Ages 5 and up.

Every element of that paragraph sound like fun’s opposite to me. I have devised a more appropriate marketing pitch:

Discourage Even The Randiest Of Tykes From Diddling Their Middle With The “Nose Aerobics” Time-Vacuum System!

Ages 5 and “up.”

via @EmilyKrasinski

The getting-noticed-and-then-chased chills of a zombie flick, the language of a “Deadwood” episode and the charm of Throw Mamma From The Train all rolled into one delightfully uncomfortable video that is essentially a commercial for sadness.