Anyone who knows me knows I love ol’ George House, especially when he’s leaning on a crutch to Huang Huang.

I’m not 100% sure where this ran but I have my suspicions (I’m looking at YOU, China). Of course, bad translation is always hilarious. ALWAYS. But in reality, I don’t even have the ability to draw a Chinese character, much less assemble a bunch of them to form poor sentences. All Asian letters just looks like pieces of Wheat Chex to me, so I gotta lotta nerve harshin’ on their English skillz.

Though, to be fair, I don’t get paid to translate things for large companies, like the lunatic who had the won tons to accept Yuan for this hatchet job.

via BuzzFeed

Made in Alabama by Vacant Manifesto. Almost makes me wish I had a boozy, ethnically stereotyped automaton to leave me for dead in a lens-filtered effect shoot out. *sigh*

WARNING: May be considered racist if you’re a Mexican robot.

EL FIN DE LINEA.

via Steve Burdette

“Nose Aerobics.” It’s a thing. It’s a thing somebody thought of and talked another person into making it a physical reality.

From the site InventionZoo.com (who claim “Clever Products for Clever People”–sarcastically, I imagine):

With numerous games to play, this is how it works: Attach the stem to the glasses, put the glasses on, then attach any one of the different games to the end of the stem and get ready for fun. By moving your head, you create the action to play the game or solve the puzzle. As seen on the “Rosie O’Donnell Show.” Guaranteed laughs!

Ages 5 and up.

Every element of that paragraph sound like fun’s opposite to me. I have devised a more appropriate marketing pitch:

Discourage Even The Randiest Of Tykes From Diddling Their Middle With The “Nose Aerobics” Time-Vacuum System!

Ages 5 and “up.”

via @EmilyKrasinski

The getting-noticed-and-then-chased chills of a zombie flick, the language of a “Deadwood” episode and the charm of Throw Mamma From The Train all rolled into one delightfully uncomfortable video that is essentially a commercial for sadness.

I love Philadelphia.

Ah, Rednecks. Sometimes they’ll surprise you. “Full Truck” is a perfect example. Comes with Uncle Jessie leather interior and an Olsen Twin Turbo V8.

Also a quick-fix when you don’t have a rear bumper so there’s no place to mount your “3SAGETS” license plate.

via People of Walmart & @solmssen

Truthfully I’m surprised this didn’t happen sooner. I’m sure it probably has the essence of treated vinyl but for anyone who wants to smell like you over-acted your way through a sea of multi-colored space vaginae, Tiberius is just for you!

Available at Entertainment Earth

This is nine kinds of awesome. I don’t know what the purpose of it is, but do you really need one?

[via Buzzfeed]

They actually did a decent job! Some of the characterizations aren’t terrible and it’s pretty funny! (for a porn–you gotta grade them on a generous curve, like being pleasantly surprised by a defensive tackle getting a combined 900 on the SATs)

The trailer IS safe-for-work and starts off with a Tracy Jordan-esque crib tour. The “30 Rock” title sequence parody starts at 2:09.

Well done, Porn!

via @lindsayism with an assist by @stevegarfield

Classic Letterman from ‘93.