As I wrote in my Coming Attractions post, horror dealing with possession or satanic cults is horror that sticks with me when it is done well. Possession movies are most often a sub- set of the evil child movies. To be honest, I don’t normally care for evil child movies. It seems that many of them try too hard, rather than letting the natural creepiness of children lay a subtle framework for the film.

Enough about my preferences and on to the film at hand!

The Last Exorcism is not a story about a possessed child. It is the story of a pastor that lost his faith long ago, yet continues to preach and deliver people from demonic possession/oppression. The film is directed by Daniel Stamm, who, based on his filmography, likes to play with blurring the lines between documentary and film.

Patrick Fabian (prolific television guest star) plays Cotton Marcus, a Louisiana pastor who began his career as a preacher; I believe they said around age 6. Following in the footsteps of his father, Cotton learned the tricks and necessary traits to work the congregation into a frenzy.

After reading a story about the death of a child during an exorcism ceremony, Cotton decides that he can no longer continue to perform exorcisms. Cotton defends exorcism by saying that while he no longer believes in demons, (effectively stating that he no longer believes in a God) the service he once provided can help people that are held captive by the thought that they are possessed. Exorcism can help the mind release the thought, basically, because if one believes they are possessed, they can also believe that the ritual has set them free.

When Cotton comes across a story that The Vatican is opening a school to teach the exorcism ritual, he decides that he needs to take action to stop people from buying into the sham and to protect children from accidental death during exorcism. To do this, Cotton hires a film crew to follow him on what will be his last exorcism. Selecting a random letter from his pile of requests, Cotton tells the crew that they will follow the request to completion, capture it on film to reveal the process and thereby debunk exorcism.

The letter requesting help from the pastor takes the crew to southern Louisiana, an area, we are told, that because of the multicultural background, has many varied views of religion. The crew decides to get some footage of the locals talking about various superstitions that center around the area. I got the feeling that the crew was out to show how simple the townspeople were. That feeling was verified by Cotton in the last clip, interviewing the locals.

Cotton and crew arrive at the Sweetzer farm and must convince Louis Sweetzer, played by television “that guy” Louis Herthum, to allow the cameras. While we don’t see what was said during the exchange, we see Cotton using his charisma, charm and position as a pastor to convince Louis to allow the filming of the exorcism.

Then we meet Nell, the star of the film, played by the child like (You’re kidding… she’s 24?) Ashley Bell. Bell oozes the simple innocence of a sheltered country girl. She is polite in a way that is lost to today’s youth and there is a genuineness to her character. This innocence makes the demon manifestation even more unsettling. Bell can go from sweet, yet confused to downright creepy with nothing more than smile.

We are allowed to watch Cotton set up the space for the exorcism, complete with a myriad of party tricks that give the illusion of the supernatural. Cotton performs a trite, well rehearsed ritual and claims to have cast the demon out of Nell. Louis pays Cotton a fairly large sum of money and the crew departs.

This is where the movie kicks in.

I don’t want to give too much away. Everything I’ve given to this point is build-up for the second half. Suffice to say that the exorcism did not work and because of his arrogance, Cotton has put Nell in danger, potentially in more than one way. We get a chance to see the demon at work in Nell.

What we really get to see is Bell’s star potential. I am hopeful that this will be her breakout role.

As the movie progresses, we are left to wonder about secrets in a small town. Who is guilty, who is telling the truth and who all is involved. Questions that are answered before the final, unexpected ending of the movie.

One of the strong points of the film is that every image we see is viewed through the lens of the camera. One of the weak points is the shaky cam stuff. Some of the attendees of the film were not prepared for the extent of the shaky cam. Cloverfield would not have been a friend to those individuals.

Casey Criswell of the Bloody Good Horror podcast, who went with me to check this one out, said of the film, “While it was no “Exorcist”, it was still a pretty fun watch.” Casey’s right, it is no “Exorcist”, but maybe it’s The Exorcist for today’s generation. A generation whose horror consists mostly of poorly made remakes. This movie surpasses the last big film of a similar subject, The Exorcism of Emily Rose, by staying away from the courtroom and maintaining the use of the camera for our point of view. Nowhere near as shocking or well made as The Exorcist (Director’s Cut coming to theatres clocking in at 2hr 45 min.), The Last Exorcism plays well for the younger crowd, although, some will find that it drags a bit.

It’s not perfect, but few films are. I enjoyed it.

How much?

Out of $10, how much would I pay to see this again? $7, but only with people that have not yet seen it.

Jay (J.C.) Fralick is the co-host of the Wanna Watch a Movie Podcast
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There are plenty of badasses in movie history, but only six can be the baddest assest of all. What makes a badass should be self-evident, but for this here list I’m going to boil it down to three criteria: 1) Ability to overcome obstacles using guile and cunning as well as force, 2) durability in the face of overwhelming odds, 3) SACK! The swagger to laugh, or smirk, at whatever situation presents itself. There are plenty of characters that I’ve left off the list by simple fact that they are hot heads, so guys like Indiana Jones or Martin Riggs are suitably awesome, but lose their cool too often to be considered for this list. Get it? Let us begin.

VI – Walker in POINT BLANK (1967)
One of the many adaptations of Richard Stark’s novel “The Hunter,” in which a man is imprisoned and his money stolen by his so-called friends. He wants his money, no more, no less. As far as single-minded characters go, Walker is probably the best. Played by the rock solid Lee Marvin in his gruff and sturdy prime as evidenced by the scene in which Angie Dickinson beats on him as hard as she possibly can and he not only doesn’t get hurt, he doesn’t even move. Walker is the kind of character we know will kill us if we get in his way. The scene most exemplifying his badassery comes when he calmly dangles, then drops, his former friend Mal Reese off of a balcony, then just as icily leaves the scene of the crime before anyone notices.

V – Sanjuro in YOJIMBO (1961)
A masterless samurai walks into a gang-ravaged town with nothing but a sword and a sneer and leaves with a pile of bodies behind him. Toshiro Mifune, in a role that would be his calling card, displays subtlety and nuance behind his cold-ass glare and solemn face. “Yojimbo,” one of Akira Kurosawa’s very best, is one of the first movies to depict the hero getting the snot beaten out of him only to pick himself up, dust himself off, and kill every last fucker he’s ever seen. In an iconic, and famously ripped off, scene  Sanjuro slices two guys to death and hacked the arm off another, then calmly walks to the cooper and says, “Two coffins. No, maybe three.”

IV – John McClane in DIE HARD (1988)
This is the role that took Bruce Willis from comedy tv actor to full-on action god. John McClane embodies wrong place at the wrong time, but where some characters might just stay quiet and let the proper authorities handle it, he dives in head first and pretty much single-handedly kills every terrorist-cum-thief in Nakatomi Plaza. He also pioneered the Jack Bauer trope of fighting back a man-cry during a particularly heavy and dire situation. His crowning achievement, of course, comes when he coined the immortal phrase “Yippee-Ki-Yay, Motherfucker,” which he has said in all four films. For a moment that is specifically “Die Hard 1,” though, we turn to the scene in which he jumps of a roof, barefoot, his feet cut up with glass, tethered by a fire hose and slams full boor into a plexi-glass window, which he then shoots and falls into. Talk about risking life and limb.

III – Jules Winnfield in PULP FICTION (1994)
In Quentin Tarantino’s canon of badassery at all costs, Jules, played by the monstrously awesome Samuel L. Jackson, is his crowning glory. For not being in the movie quite as much as John Travolta or Bruce Willis, Jackson is easily the most memorable part of the whole shebang. From his bravura show of force at the beginning of the film to his quiet realization of the value of life at the end, Jules easily takes the biggest journey. Basically the only character in the movie to come out more or less unscathed, his transformation is the lynch pin holding all the others together. His piece de resistance comes during the ending diner heist where he ponders the futility of life, death, and his role in them while spouting bible verses and participating in one of the zig-zaggiest Mexican standoffs in all of filmdom. He’s trying real hard to be the shepherd.

II – James Bond in any James Bond movie
There are few literary characters in the last 100 years that have as famous a surname as Bond. The name immediately evokes cool. Ian Fleming envisioned his super spy as nothing more than a paper-pusher who kills, a government stooge with a gun. Little did he know that his blunt instrument would become one of the most popular and enduring figures in Western culture, appearing (officially) in 22 films between 1962 and 2008. Bond is always there to foil some evil, and often ridiculous, plot to destroy or hold ransom the entire population of Earth and he always does it with a twinkle in his eye, a shit-eating grin, and the ability to bed anything with a vagina. It’s almost impossible to nail down (pardon the pun) just one of the many great Bond moments over the years, but one of my favorites has to be in “From Russia With Love,” (1963) when he has a shootout with a helicopter and comes out the victor. After shooting it down with a small sniper rifle, and the ensuing glorious explosion, Bond merely quips, “I’d say one of their aircraft is missing.”

I – The Man With No Name in THE GOOD, THE BAD, AND THE UGLY (1966)
Sure, I may be a little biased given the film is my number one favorite of all time, but it’s hard to argue with Clint Eastwood’s gravitas in the badass department. What makes TMWNN so different is that he’s a trickster character who is truly only in it for the money and is always scheming for the best position to get it. His skills as a gunman are unmatched, but it’s his brain that gets him out of most situations in this film. He always makes sure he has the upper hand, even when it looks like a surefire demise. This is the third film to feature Clint as this character and though he has the fewest lines of the three leads, he makes the most of them. Every line he utters is memorable, as is every gunshot. The entire movie builds to his ultimate ascension to badass royalty, culminating in the greatest showdown in Western movie history and one of the best lines ever: “There are two types of people in this world, my friend: those with loaded guns, and those who dig. You dig.” He’s not a very nice guy, but there’s definitely a reason he’s called “The Good.”

And there you have it. Go rent some movies and enjoy some badassitute.

You’re welcome.
-Kanderson

Disney is attempting to make their classic (and still perfectly hilarious) content hipper, phatter and/or qualitatively phresher by adding douchebag overdubs to many of their timeless cartoons. As in the ones that were doing just fine the way they were—thank you very much—you cynical, soulless, money-grubbing corporate savages.

But the results are goddamn fantastic…in a gallows humor, psyche-shattering, has-the-world-really-come-to-this(?), sort of way.

This, I can handle with a slow, dry, world weary guffaw. BUT! They just had to go and push the envelope a little further…

[NSFW Duck Ranting]

The only upside I can see to all of this is that it conjures up the mental image of a towering, half-frozen Walt Disneystein corpse-monster slap fighting with the 400 ft. Jedi ghost of Stanley Kubrick in the middle of downtown Tokyo.

…or maybe that’s just me and my way of dealing with this traumatic assault on my childhood. Everyone has their own process.

Looks like we are getting an Inception sequel quicker than expected. It looks kind of, I don’t know, boring. What do you guys think?

I also exist on Youtuber and The Tweet Machine. Stop by, but take your shoes off, please. I just got the carpet cleaned.

Today I decided to look at that time-tested movie trope of the alien invasion. Almost from the time we realized there was an outer space we’ve been dreaming about the life that might exist somewhere among the stars. And, almost as immediately, we decided they were probably hostile douche nozzles who would kill us, the paranoid meat sacks that we are. However, some of these “threats” posed in popular fiction have been slightly less frightening than, say, a blender turned to frappé. Whether too ridiculous, convoluted, or just plain timid, these are the alien invaders we could easily give a swirly to.

VI – WAR OF THE WORLDS (1953, 1988, 2005)
This one goes at the bottom (top) of the list because these aliens and their tripod spacecrafts actually do kill a great deal of people. It’s the perfect plan: “Martians” attack us in order to use our planet as their own. They begin growing their vegetation and pretty much decimate the planet. The only problem, of course, is they couldn’t get past our first, best, and only line of defense: a germ. These sophisticated alien invaders must not have any immune system to speak of because they wither and die in a matter of minutes after catching some unnamed bacterial infection, leaving nothing but empty husks. When the novel was written by H.G. Wells in 1898, this was probably a viable answer to the problem. Now, on the other hand, it’s just kind of silly. I hope if the aliens do invade, they’re this lame. I have a cold right now, let me cough on the fuckers.

V - THE BLOB (1958)
Similar situation as War of the Worlds, this little nugget features Steve McQueen as a teenage drag racer facing off against, well, a Blob. It’s basically just that. An alien that is nothing more than an amorphous mass of red gelatin that engulfs whatever’s in its path. It seems pretty horrible, until you find out that it can be easily stopped by a fire extinguisher. Apparently, the pressurized CO2 can render the entire thing useless and indeed freezes it utterly. Once it can’t blob after anyone anymore, the military drops it in the middle of the arctic circle, which is great until the polar ice caps melt. So soon we’re going to have to deal with global warming AND a huge alien loogie. Thanks again, military! If you get past the silly horror, The Blob is actually a thinly veiled warning against the growing Communist threat. A huge, seemingly unstoppable RED thing is sucking everything into itself and making good, honest Americans a part of its evil marauding. Not bad for 1958. All credibility does go out the door with the easier than necessary solution, and of course this hysterically out of place theme song.

IV - SIGNS
Here’s a message to all you would-be alien invaders out there: If you’re going to invade a planet and do the whole “gas them with your weird arm toxin” thing, maybe don’t invade a planet made predominantly of THE ONE THING THAT HARMS YOU!!! I do not dislike this movie, in fact as far as house/family under siege movies go, it’s probably one of the best. M. Night Shamalamadingdong does a good job of keeping the aliens more frightening by only giving us small glimpses of them, like a foot in a corn field, or a hand under a door, but then the end of the movie comes up and the whole thing is ruined. Apparently, these aliens and their infinitely advanced cloaked spaceships and coded crop circles are harmed by good ol’ H2O. Goddamned WATER brings about the death of these things. You know what planet has no water? Statistically, every other planet in the whole frigging universe. Pick one of them instead. Did you not do your homework at all? Way to fail so horrendously, aliens. I’m glad Joaquin Phoenix beat the tar out of you. You’re stupid.

III – CRITTERS
The poster for this movie is a complete misrepresentation. If a group of things that looked like that invaded Earth, I would legitimately be afraid, but the critters are actually little, carnivorous balls of fur. It’s like some Trekkies got high one night and said, “Dude, what if Tribbles could, like, eat you?” And his friend, undoubtedly said, “Duuuuuuuuuuuuuude.” That’s the general conceit of this movie. But, we’re lead to believe, these koosh balls with teeth are so dangerous that two shape-shifting alien bounty hunters need to be dispatched. Really, anyone with a nine iron should be able to take these things down. Or just, like, a ruler. I think it was really just an excuse to make a monster movie with hand puppets. I liked this movie the first time I saw it, when it was called “Gremlins.”

II – INDIANA JONES AND THE KINGDOM OF THE CRYSTAL SKULL
This is the saddest I’ve ever been in a movie theater, and I saw Spider-Man 3. A little piece of my childhood died in the summer of 2008 and went to join the part of me that used to like Star Wars. Apart from being just an all-around stupid movie, it also does what no previous Indiana Jones movie could: prove that science is actually less believable than magic. Nazis seeking enlightenment from The Ark: Good movie. Commies seeking enlightenment from Mayan space aliens: Awful movie. The actual alien portions of this movie play like any other Aliens-Were-Always-Here flick, and, sort of like Mission to Mars, amounts to a bunch of people saying things. If the aliens were willing to give the ultimate knowledge in the universe to someone, why didn’t they just go find that person instead of waiting for someone to find them? And then they have the audacity, nay, the balls to pass judgement on those that arrive? If I were Indiana Jones, I would have punched all of them in their weird, oblong crystal skulls.

I - PLAN 9 FROM OUTER SPACE
Let me see if I can understand this plan, known to the aliens as “Plan 9.” Since the American government did not respond politely to your barrage of flying saucers, you will reanimate the corpses of the recently deceased to, what? Kill everyone? Terrible plan, right? Well, what you don’t know is that the first eight plans from outer space were even worse. I happen to have access to the previous plans from these diabolical heathens and will share them with you now.

Plan 1 From Outer Space: Let loose a pod of angry sea turtles
Plan 2 From Outer Space: Throw lit matches at everyone’s sweaters
Plan 3 From Outer Space: Send a giant robot down to Earth and kick Brit Hume really hard in the shin
Plan 4 From Outer Space: Replace all the chocolate in the world with less-delicious chocolate substitute
Plan 5 From Outer Space: Miley Cyrus (this one actually worked)
Plan 6 From Outer Space: Act really aloof and sarcastic in hopes Earth won’t know we secretly love it
Plan 7 From Outer Space: Tap everyone in the world on the shoulder and then run away
Plan 8 From Outer Space: Burrow deep into the Earth’s crust and lie dormant for millions of years until such time as an expedition makes its way toward the core of the planet and then step out and tell them we’re happy to take their literature but we’re just not very religious

This is the movie Edward D. Wood, Jr is most known for, and with good reason. It’s glorious shit. Widely regarded as the worst movie ever made, though I would personally give that dubious honor to “Manos: The Hands of Fate,” “Plan 9 From Outer Space” is that rare kind of bad movie that is so unbelievably atrocious that it has actually become entertaining. Made for about $.35, it shows that anyone can make a movie as long as they throw some zombies and flying saucers in there.

And there you have it. Aliens pose no threat.

You’re welcome
-Kanderson

Nerds, we have failed miserably! Scott Pilgrim vs. The World came in 5th this weekend behind The Expendables, Eat, Pray, Love, The Other Guys and Inception. While I’m excited by the staying power of Inception, I’m very upset that the two most fun films of the year did not take the top two spots.

I had planned to write a very different story on these two, but I cannot overcome my disappointment in Scott Pilgrim’s opening. I’m sure the film will earn and it is destined to become a cult classic, but I wanted the nerds to beat the jocks just this once, not come in almost $25 million behind. Honestly, I shouldn’t be surprised. Nerds never win in a popularity contest or any event that showcases brute strength and I guess box office draw falls somewhere along that spectrum. I had just hoped that our numbers had been growing as we slowly make our way into the mainstream and that Scott Pilgrim would be a chance to make our numbers known. Perhaps we were divided between Star Wars Celebration and the cinema. Whatever the cause, it’s not too late for some great summer entertainment.

Friday night was the guys’ night. My nephew and I braved the opening night crowd and went to check out The Expendables. As a fan of mindless action flicks, I had been looking forward to this one for quite a while. I remember hearing that Stallone was working on a film starring himself, Li, Statham, Lundgren, Austin, and rumored cameos by Schwarzenegger and Willis. According to Stallone; Van Damme, Segal and Norris were asked about making an appearance in the film, but it was not meant to be.

In the case that you weren’t sold on The Expendables because of the cast alone, I’ll give you a little bit about the plot. Stallone plays Barney Ross, leader of a mercenary group that is hired to overthrow the dictator (General Garza, played by David Zayas, best known to me as Angel from Dexter) of a fictitious South American island-nation. The team consists of Lee Christmas (Jason Statham) whose weapon of choice is a blade, martial artist Ying Yang (Jet Li), Toll Road – demolition expert (one time MMA champ, Randy Couture), the unstable sniper Gunner Jensen (Dolph Lundgren – Seriously, this guy is a chemical engineer and a Fulbright scholar from MIT?) and heavy weapons expert Hale Caesar (the too awesome for words Terry Crews). Rounding out the good guys is the sage-like Tool (Micky Rourke – I’m not calling him a tool, that’s really his character’s name).

We find out early on that Garza is working with an American named Munroe (Eric Roberts). Munroe’s personal guards include Paine, played by Steve Austin and The Brit, played by the familiar-but-I’m-not-sure-from-where Gary Daniels.

From the opening scene of the team in action to the massive explosion, hand-to-hand combat and gunfire period of over-stimulation that is the climax of the movie, The Expendables delivers; as long as you were looking for shit to blow up, one liners and people to get killed in ways that make the entire theater exclaim “Damn!” I also want to mention that I love the music choices in this one. Southern Rock and action flicks are made for each other and songs by Georgia Satellites, Mountain, Thin Lizzy and Creedence Clearwater Revival belong in this movie like Mtn Dew at a tabletop gaming session. If you can forgive the digitized blood in a few scenes, Stallone has written and directed the perfect action flick.

Sunday was the day that my wife, my niece and my nephew went with me to see Scott Pilgrim vs. The World. The moment the Universal logo came up, accompanied by matching 8-bit song, I knew this would be something I would enjoy.

Scott Pilgrim vs. The World is about..uh..Scott Pilgrim (played by Michael Cera). Scott Pilgrim is your average 23 year old Canadian slacker who plays in a band, is between jobs and lives with his friend and gay roommate Wallace Wells (Kieran Culkin).

Scott Pilgrim is dating a 17 year old high school student named Knives Chau (Ellen Wong). Knives loves Scott and she loves his band – Sex Bob-Omb. Unfortunately, for Knives, Scott meets the girl of his dreams in Ramona Flowers (Mary Elizabeth Winstead from Death Proof and Live Free or Die Hard). Also unfortunate for Knives, Scott gets too caught up in trying to win Ramona to break it off with Knives. Also also unfortunate, but for Scott this time, Ramona has seven evil exes that have banded together to control the future of Ramona’s love life. In other words, Scott must defeat the seven evil exes in order to continue dating Ramona.

Scott Pilgrim is filled with video game references. From Scott’s Pac-Man pick-up line to battles between Scott and the exes set to look like boss fights, this is one for the long time video game player.
The best part of Scott Pilgrim is the battle scenes. Comedic, action-packed, exciting and nostalgic I was a bit sad that there were only 7 evil exes.

This week was my favorite week in recent cinema-going history. The perfect action movie and the perfect nerd movie in the same weekend made it a joy to hand over my money. Thank you Mr. Wright and Mr. Stallone, you gave us some great entertainment. Keep doing what you do so well.

How much would I pay to see these again?

The Expendables: Out of $10, I would pay $8 to see it again. I could never get tired of some of those explosions and watching as the group takes on impossible odds.

Scott Pilgrim vs. The World: Out of $10, I would pay $10. I love this movie and if I had any question about any future Edgar Wright projects, they are gone and I’m sold!

Jay Fralick is the co-host of the Wanna Watch a Movie? Podcast
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As a student of film of all kinds, I often feel it necessary to watch movies I don’t especially have a yen to see. Recently, I decided it was high time I did some learnin’ about the giant monster movies from Japan. Did you know that giant monsters that attack buildings are called Kaiju? Well now you do! I wasn’t expecting much from the movies; I had seen a few of the many Godzilla films prior. “Godzilla vs. Megalon” is one of the more ridiculous ones, featuring Godzilla fighting a number of silly creatures, eventually being aided by a robot named Jet Jaguar, who was invented just to sell little Japanese kids merchandise and eventually get his own set of movies. He never appeared again. But the movie did end with a nifty song about him. Listen to the Jet Jaguar song!

But I figured I’d go back to the beginning and check out not only Godzilla, but some of his contemporaries. I was pleased to discover that they didn’t start out very dumb at all. In fact, they were done very seriously and actually well for the time period. The thing that was most amazing is the care that was given to the model work. Obviously, the conceit of these films is that there’s a guy in a rubber suit marauding a mini version of Tokyo (or whatever city it happens to be) and to do so, there needs to be a mock-up of the city. The models look really fantastic and they’re shot to showcase this. You can tell they’re fake, but they’re the most realistic kind of fake you can have. Reminds me of when I was a kid watching Thomas the Tank Engine. Remember how elaborate those sets were that the toy trains were driven around on? It’s just like that, only with big guys in suits destroying everything.

The first film in the cycle, the first Kaiju film ever, is “Gojira” (1954). This is actually a super suspenseful movie, and, like “Jaws” after it, much is done to keep the giant lizard hidden for the better part of the movie. It’s aided by the black and white photography and the majority of the attacks take place at night. Practically, this is also a way to keep the effects from being too noticeable. A few of the closeup shots in this film are actually done with a hand puppet, which went by the wayside later on. The story is pretty simple: nuclear bombing has caused mutations in a dinosaur creature living on a remote island. He gets enormous and attacks Japan, and it’s up to scientists and the military to destroy him before the country is decimated. True of the first few of this movement, “Gojira” actually develops its characters realistically and there’s even a tragic love story. The film is also a obvious allusion to the horror of nuclear warfare that befell Japan only a few years before. There’s a portion of this movie where displaced women and children huddle together in a makeshift shelter and wail at the loss of their homes and husbands. It’s a much darker moment than one would expect from a giant monster movie, and was completely cut out of the American release.

After that came the immediate sequel, “Godzilla Raids Again,” (1955). This movie suffered from sequel syndrome and things didn’t make a whole lot of sense. It also lacked the direction of Ishiro Hondo, who would become synonymous with Kaiju films until his final entry, “The Terror of Godzilla” in 1975. In “Raids Again,” Godzilla fights a big ol’ Ankylosaurus called Anguirius. The version I saw was dubbed into English, and badly. I wouldn’t suggest watching this one unless you’re like me and doing a retrospective on them. There’s a cool fight by an ancient-looking temple and that’s about it.

My first break from the big green guy came in the form of “Rodan” (1956). Rodan is, apparently, one of the big three in Kaiju, and is a big pteranodon. The interesting thing about this movie is that it’s only 75 minutes long and Rodan is only present for the final 15. The bulk of the movie depicts a group of miners who are digging far into the Earth’s crust only to discover a clutch of giant, prehistoric insects called “Meganulon.” They’re about the size of a horse and attack and kill a number of people in the small mining community. These beasts turn out to be nothing more than food for the two Rodans who hatch from giant eggs and attack the entire world. The last 15 minutes of this movie, though, are almost worth the rest. Again, great effects, and watching a big dinosaur fly around and crash through buildings and shit was pretty spectacular.

Next up was “Mothra,” (1961) and is possibly my favorite of the bunch. It follows the exploration of an irradiated island and the discovery of a primitive culture thereupon. Among the strange peoples, the explorers find tiny little twins who sing. Not like midgets, but indeed twin miniature Japanese women. And did I mention they sing? Well they do. What do they sing about? Well, Mothra of course. When the rich and greedy Nelson, the financier of the exploration, kidnaps the sisters to exploit them for monetary gain, the sisters sing their Mothra song and summon, you guessed it, Mothra, a massive caterpillar-like creature who hatches from a big-ass egg and makes a swimming b-line to the sisters in Japan in order to save them. A scientist, a reporter, and a photographer who were on the mission take it upon themselves to try to free the twins before Mothra destroys everything. It takes them a long, long time, enough time for Mothra to create a cocoon around itself and metamorphose into the flying insect creature we expected from the name. It continues destroying everything in its search for the girls until they’re finally delivered by the good guys. Then everyone waves as Mothra takes them back to the island. No hard feelings I guess.

Really no hard feelings, since the next film is “Mothra vs. Godzilla,” (1964). A similar storyline to the first film with the exception of Godzilla added to muck things up. A giant egg is washed ashore and examined by a slew of people. Turns out the egg belongs to Mothra and the tiny twins reappear to warn everyone to give the egg back, lest they feel Mothra’s wrath, but of course they are immediately ignored, cuz they’re little, and again enslaved for theatrical purposes. After getting freed by the same collection of good guy jobs as before, the girls return to their island. Good thing too, as that is the exact moment Godzilla decides to rise from under the ground and attack the city. Luckily, Mothra has come to claim her egg and in a considerable show of niceness, decides to fight Godzilla, but gets killed. The egg then hatches and two Mothra larvae are born and do battle with Godzilla. This movie, while not as entertaining as the first Mothra, is still fun and is the last film to feature Godzilla as an all-out bad guy.

The final film I decided to watch was “Ghidorah, the Three-Headed Monster,” (1964). The plot to this film is SUPER convoluted and involves a princess who may or may not be from Venus warning the people of Japan that King Ghidorah, the horrible three-headed monster is coming to decimate them. What exactly he’s king of is anyone’s guess. While this is all happening, Godzilla and Rodan appear and decide to fight each other, to the detriment of the surrounding cities. Larvae Mothra arrives with the twins to convince the other two evil things to help it fight Ghidorah. Theres’s a whole sequence where the three beasts speak to each other in their respective growls and chirps with translation provided by the tiny twins. That’s the moment I knew that I was done watching these movies and they’d passed irreparably to the realm of hokeyness. The three good creatures fight the bad creature with the three heads and then it’s over. Good production value and typically fun, this movie is marred by too many Kaiju and a nearly incomprehensible plot for the human actors to be involved with.
There are a plethora of other Kaiju films, like “Gamera,” (1965) the giant turtle creature movie produced by a rival company to Godzilla’s Toho, but I decided to stop there. Before they got TOO silly. But, just to let you know, Gamera is filled with turtle meat. It says so in the song.
Watch these movies for good fun happy times.

You’re welcome.
-Kanderson

Michael Cera and Jason Schwartzman pause during their busy promo tour for Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World to moonlight as weathermen for Fox 5 in Atlanta. Comedy gold:

Your local weather reporter is now INVALID. Also, go see Scott Pilgrim tomorrow!

(Thanks, Kristi!)

Some weeks are better than others are for new releases. I had no intention of seeing Step Up 3D, so I thought I’d take a recommendation from one of the readers (Thanks, The Drummer from Def Leppard’s Arm) and check out The Other Guys. You know, the latest Will Farrell flick, but this time he’s a former forensic accountant that has been transferred to a spot amongst New York City’s finest. Unfortunately, for Farrell’s character – Allen Gamble, he is teamed up with an action hungry, temper-tantrum-personified in Terry Hoitz, played by Mark Wahlberg.

Adding to Hoitz’s frustration is the fact that the whole precinct lives in the shadow of two hero cops named Highsmith – Sam Jackson, and Danson – Dwayne Johnson. Due to a strange set of circumstances, early in the film, there is some opportunity to move into the spotlight and Hoitz wants it. The problem is that his partner, Gamble, wants no part of the danger associated with action-movie detective work and Hoitz hates him for it.

Let me hit the parts of the film I wasn’t too fond of first. I’m going to throw it out there, I don’t know him personally, but in every role he’s played, I can’t stand Rob Riggle. He plays the same part every time. Come on, Rob, how about a little variety. Oh… and you’re not funny with your yelling and repetition. You’re freaking annoying.

Aside from the jokes (remember “soup kitchen”), we’ve seen this one before, but I think that may have been the point. Two cops stumble upon some type of conspiracy involving a famous or powerful guy who is connected or protected so well that many are afraid to look into the case. Our heroes spend most of the rest of the film trying to build a case.

Things I love about this one:
I love Steve Coogan. This guy makes me laugh no matter what he does. I also love the lovely Eva Mendes as Gamble’s wife, who is described as plain by Farrell, throughout the film. The on screen banter between Mendes and Farrell is almost as good as the banter between Farrell and Wahlberg. I also love Michael Keaton’s slightly neurotic Captain who moonlights at Bed Bath & Beyond and seems at times to have given up on life.

Not a lot to say about this one. Not many surprises, it plays out exactly how you think it will. Some of the situations and visuals are funny, but we’ve seen it before.

How much would I pay to see this one again out of $10? $5. I have a feeling it is not as re-watchable as director Adam McKay’s other outings.

I’m looking forward to next week. A Double rain..er, a double review.

Jay (J.C.) Fralick is the co-host of the Wanna Watch a Movie? Podcast

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