All your coffee are belong to us.

This being the eighth month of August and on the heels of Sprudge’s cautionary list to baristas, it’s probably a good time for us all to consider what I’ll call 8 Simple Rules (RIP John Ritter) to consider at your neighborhood coffee shop.

1. This isn’t the gelato shop on Saturday night– order your coffee and move on. While you may be confused by something new on the menu, when ordering your coffee first thing in the morning, it is best to refrain from asking more than a question or two. Caffeine is a delightful addiction and some of those people behind you might be packing heat and wondering why you’re coffee-blocking them. If you need to read the menu for a couple minutes or for the love of all that is good and decent, make a phone call, DO step out of line.
2. Play foursquare on your phone, not the side of your cup. The number of modifiers you add when describing your drink is directly proportional to the size of a douchebag your fellow customers think you are. The staff are likely to cheerfully oblige you, but the meter on this cab to cheese-log island is only running higher the longer you keep adjective-izing.
3. Try something new. Coffee is a crop and grows on trees– it has seasons. If your usual coffee or blend is gone for a time, don’t fret. Take it as a chance to learn about seasonality and give the new brown hotness a chance.
4. Don’t make demands. If a shop doesn’t make the coffee you want or in the way you’re used to, either trundle your way back up to rule 3 or walk out the door. Half way into the sentence “But, WHY don’t you…” it should become clear that you’re dangerously straddling the line between your Aunt Rosie’s “Why I NEVER, in MY day I would sooner spoon up puddle water than pay more than 5 cents for a cup of…” and your Four Year Old Self “Buh, buh, buh I want the OTHER…ice…cre-hee-hee-heeeeAAM” (mouth spittle forming into a huge bubble that inexplicably won’t pop as you silently mouth the word “mom”). Coffee shops have different standards, equipment, and menus. They may not be able to make the beverage you’re used to. They may have tried making your beverage and realized it tasted bad or that they couldn’t make a profit on it. If you want something they don’t have, the time to make a suggestion is in a friendly note mailed to the owner, not while in line in front of a lady whose two toddlers have been alternately serving as freeweights and air raid sirens and who sees your neck as the only thing standing between herself and her cup of coffee.
5. Get your beverage for-here or in ceramic. While using ceramic is better for trees and landfills, the real beneficiary in all this is your mouth. Ceramic always tastes better than paper and mostly doesn’t taste at all. As an alternative, pick yourself up a ceramic to-go cup. A lot of places will throw a dime at you for bringing your own cup, mind you, your mug might get chucked back at you if it’s dirty.
6. Buy some whole bean coffee to take home. Unless you’re standing at one of the very few remaining coffee carts left in the nation, one of the ways that coffee shops keep the doors open is by selling whole bean coffee. Show your local shop some support and buy some coffee to take home. Also, few things will give you an appreciation for all the hard work your baristas do quite like trying to make coffee for yourself for a change.
7. Be disloyal. I don’t mean to say that you should spurn the folks running your favorite shop, just that you should get out there and try some different shops. Coffee is continuing to evolve and proliferate and if you branch out now and again you might just find something new worth supporting. Shops around the nation are starting to follow the 2009 World Barista Champion’s lead to create disloyalty cards that ask customers to try several cafes around a particular city with the reward being a free cup of coffee at your favorite location. Seattle’s disloyalty card is off and running and it appears that the ATL will be 2nd to launch theirs.
8. Tip. It’s not always easy when you’re dealing with credit and store cards, but when you receive good service for a tasty beverage, give your barista a tip. You throw a dollar at that bartender for leaning on a knob to deliver your $2.75 PBR, so why not the same for the person that is going to grind, dose, tamp, and carpal-tunnel their way to deliver your brown juice?  A good barista has the ability to not only deliver you a tasty beverage, but can sometimes even adjust your attitude back to “I’m going back into the meeting and showing that boss of mine SOMETHING. I will roll my eyes ONLY HALF the time! When I alternately nod off and re-awake in short succession it will be with so much gusto they’ll swear I’m channeling Brian Posehn at a Slayer concert T! P! S! Re-POOORT!” Like I was saying, baristas could use the appreciation and honestly, the money. Witness barista Michael Phillips of Intelligentsia Coffee bringing home the World Barista Championship to the United States for the first time since it’s inception 11 years ago. Years of practice and preparation while holding down his day job and his only payout is more work in coffee (and the ability to rock suspenders like no other). There is no Food Network show in the works, mild fame outside of coffee, little fortune other than his humble pride for a job done well, all that and …just part of what’s left in the tip jar at the end of the day.

When attempting to jailbreak your washer in order to turn the stain-agitating action up to 11, keep in mind the extreme likelihood that you’ll just end up bricking it instead.

Everyone has heard of The Information Super Highway, aka the Internet. You are on it right this very moment. How many people really use it for information, though? I don’t mean price checking Look Around You (available now on dvd, finally) or seeing how many episodes of Battle Bots aired. I’m talking about real information. Life saving information.

I woke up the other morning to my roommate, Mike, crying outside my door for help. Since he doesn’t have insurance, the hospital wanted to charge him over $200 to remove his stitches. I wouldn’t stand for it. I see myself as a protector of the people, so I offered my assistance in exchange for a free meal at the Souplantation. He wiped his tears, sucked up his snot, and agreed. Thanks to Google, you can now call me MB M.D.

It didn’t take me long to figure out the complexities of cutting some threads and pulling them through human flesh. Lacing your shoes is harder. Without any troubles, I found an abundance of free tips written by real doctors, who, to the best of my knowledge, don’t travel through time. Their knowledge now filed into my mental trapper keeper, I sterilized my tools and got to work.

I quickly realized that wearing a SARS mask would fog my glasses. A choice needed to be made: the glasses or my mask. The mask won. Mike couldn’t really wash his foot for a week so it smelled like the inside of a tauntaun.

Two minutes in and I was halfway done. I could have charged $50 per minute at this point. Dumb move on my part. He even used a coupon at Souplantation. I got hustled.

Speaking of Souplantation, I needed a snack.

After snacking, I decided to play through a chapter of Alan Wake.

Mike didn’t think I was taking it seriously. He’s the one who turns down the music at the party. I gave him a glass of milk to calm down and got back to it.

A few minutes later and I was done. Simple. I saved the day and got my soup buffet. All is well. No need for amputation. Although, I wonder if Google could have taught me that too?

The moral of this story is to use the Internet to discover new, useful information and help people. Oh! Also, doctors suck and overcharge for ridiculously easy procedures. OH! Aaand I need to shower and shave before I let someone take pictures of me.

Got a story of Google heroism or day-saving intelligence? Share it already.

Digital hugs.

There is something wholly intimidating about some guy’s face up against my girl parts. This should not be the case, but it is. This becomes the case when one is subjected to one of the deadliest mood killers known to the human race: The Velociraptor Snatch Attack.

VSA, as the acronym goes, is the repeated act of orally or manually pleasuring a partner (usually female) in such a way that causes the receiver’s pelvis to scoot away in retreat, seeking asylum from the over-zealous onslaught.

If done properly, VSA should feel like one’s naughty bits are being hunted by a highly-intelligent voracious fictional dinosaur. This can be rather distressing.

For instance, during an enthusiastic bout of licks, a female may start scrunching her body away from her giver, tilting her pelvis so that her goods are farther away than is reachable.

Her lover then proceeds to either:

A) Army crawl toward her and bury their face deeper into the target, licking with renewed fervor.

or

B) Gently massage her outer labia and ask, “want me to go lighter?”

Which one exemplifies VSA? Did I hear Lover A? You are correct.

Now, who gets a second date? You guessed it: Lover B!

***

So, this “scooch” is the natural counterbalance to the Velociraptor Snatch Attack. It is the act of fleeing away from the perceived threat of discomfort.

At first, The Scooch is accompanied by words, such as: “owe!” “please be gentle” and “honey, seriously, I don’t like that.” If the same behavior resurfaces time and time again, the receiver often retreats entirely.

Thus, communication during the activity turns to avoidance OF the activity itself.

Bummer.

The most fascinating part of VSA is its ability to resurface. Sure, on the first offense a partner will heed those requests. But one week later, there it comes, leaping out of the shrubbery to attack.

So what have I learned from years of VSA? Speak up. Don’t give up. And if all else fails, curl up into a little ball and cry. That usually hits the point home.

Sigh. It’s fun to be hunted, but not to be mauled.

***

Tweet me. Write me. Read me.

*Special thanks to my friend John, for without his Jurassic Park reference, this post could not be possible.

Shut up, can.

I try my best to be a “green” consumer. I really do. But as a wise green philosopher once said, “There is no try.” In other words, I can buy as many reusable tote bags as I want, but it won’t do anyone any good unless I actually use them, instead of leaving them in the kitchen cupboard. I also can’t, for the life of me, remember to buy new Brita filters (not carried at my crappy nearby grocery store), so my eco-guilt turns to eco-anxiety every time I buy another plastic jug of water.

As another wise green philosopher once said, “It’s not easy being green”. I don’t think he was referring to this type of situation, considering the lack of electrical outlets in the swamp, but the phrase still applies.

Fortunately, there are some pretty neat gadgets out there that can help.

Printer-company-turned-electronics-company Brother is developing AA and AAA batteries that renew their energy by making your lazy ass provide a little. How? Simply shake the battery, and the electromagnetic induction generator installed inside the casing will provide the rechargeable battery with power. With current technology, the power of the batteries will be limited to devices with occasional use under 100mW…meaning all they will be good for is remote controls, LED flashlights, and the like. Still, never having to buy or replace (or throw out) batteries for your TV remote ever again sounds great to me. Plus, the first thing I do when my remote stops working is shake the bejeezus out of the thing anyway, so it’s not like I have to change my habits.

[via Tech On!]

But what about all the stuff I have plugged in? Those batteries won’t help with the power consumption from essentials like my TV, refrigerator, and lava lamp farm.

They're free-roam.

Regular energy usage meters are boring, so you might want to go for an “Energy Orb” instead. The Energy Orb is a creation of Southern California Edison worker Mark Martinez, who modded an Ambient Orb to change color based on energy use. The result is this:

The orb will remain a soothing blue or green color as long as you watch your juice. Use up too much power, and it will start flashing an accusatory red. I’m sure with a little work you could install speakers and have it play a recording of your dad yelling “turn off that light when you leave the room!” if you want.

[via InHabitat]

This won’t help you in your home, but it’s pretty cool:

This is QinetiQ’s Zephyr, a completely solar-powered UAV that is setting a flight record right now by attempting to fly for two weeks straight! Assuming nothing happens by the time this article goes up, it will have been flying for nine days. I know, I know, it’s unmanned, but it’s still pretty cool. If you want to see a solar plane take on some passengers, you’ll want to keep an eye on the Solar Impulse project, which hopes to be the first to have a manned solar flight around the world. The best part? One of the project leaders is Captain Bertrand Piccard. Captain Piccard. Swear to god. And he’s bald, too.

[via Engadget]

Got any green tech tips? Or green tips in general so I can stop flaying myself for using paper towels? Leave them in the comments!

You... and me.

Even from deep within my office cubicle, I can hear your squeals of delight “The weather has turned. Summer is here! We haven’t a care in the world and now we’re free to douse ourselves in near-boiling HOT coffee!” What’s this? You say it’s too hot for the coffee? I’m here to inform you that thanks to the crack ice technologists of the 19^th century our desires for coffee and chilly beverages CAN co-exist.


Where is this ice-ed coffee?

Regardless of the coffee you use, be sure to first cover the bases of buying good whole bean coffee. Your first instinct for choosing a coffee is probably “When I’m right, I’m right. And me? I’m always right.” And I’ll be the first to agree–who better than you knows what coffee you like to drink? And yet, it’s possible that you’re utterly wrong.

It’s not uncommon for your favorite hot brewed coffee to taste awful when brewed over ice. Some of this can be attributed to the iced coffee brewing process, but more of it is likely due to the flavors in the coffee you’re drinking.

Witness this all too familiar fine dining menu:

Entree: hot oozy shepherd’s pie, sopped up with a dinner roll? Delicious!

Dessert: shepherd’s pie ice cream (even when topped with a cherry and liberally sprinkled with nuts)? Disastrous.

As demonstrated above, there’s a time and a place for every flavor, you just need to find it. Therefore, your charge when you brew with ice is to find a coffee whose flavors you’ll enjoy when they’re chilly. For most folks, this will be a coffee that is sweet and has a medium to high acidity (we’re talking sparkly mouth tingles here, not pH you thirsty Thurston Howell the Thirds – think fresh squeezed orange juice vs. orange Kool-Aid; the OJ has more acidity or exciting mouth “pop”). In addition to this, when you’re flipping over bags to read at the coffee shop or grocery aisle (or scouring summaries at Sweet Marias to roast your own), consider descriptions that talk about fruit flavors you think you’ll enjoy. You’ll likely find yourself deciding between some Latin America and East Africa coffees because these growing regions tend to have the aforementioned acidity and subtle fruit flavors that yield a good iced coffee. Here are a few examples.

PT’s Coffee: Kenya – THIMU – Peaberry

Stumptown: Colombia La Esperanza

Counter Culture: Michicha Natural Sundried

Just remember, you’re the one holding the coffee pot and 10W30 funnel in your mouth, so if, before you pour, you find a coffee from some other growing region that tastes great, go for it. And after you do, please add it to the comments below. When in doubt, ask your friendly barista what coffee they use in the shop for iced and what coffee they recommend for brewing iced at home.

What do I do now?

Let's do this...

While there are lots of good methods for brewing iced coffee (Toddy brewers, Chemex, Aeropress, and the like – thanks @sprobro), and some methods that are not (mildly nsfw)  I can’t resist the instant gratification of double-strength press pot coffee poured over ice.

Equipment- kettle, press pot, tablespoon measure, and a burr grinder if you can swing it.

Supplies- good tasting water, coffee, and ice

• Start boiling your water
• Grind your coffee coarse (look for a mention of press pot or French press in your grinder directions) and add the coffee to the press pot. When brewing hot, a good starting point is to combine 2 tablespoons of coffee for each 6 ounces of water. For this example, I’m using a press pot that yields just over 30 ounces of coffee, so I’ll need to grind double the normal amount- 20 tablespoons of coffee total.
• Take your water off the boil and let it rest 30 seconds to cool just below boiling
• Add water to the press, stir the grounds briefly so they all get soaked. Place the lid lightly on top of the press pot.
• Set a timer for 4 minutes.
• At the bell, slowly push down the press pot plunger, thereby separating the grounds from the brewed coffee.
• Set out your glasses and fill them with enough ice such that when you pour, half of the cup will be ice and the other half your coffee.

Now, sit back, chilly glass of coffee in hand, pop in a Frosty the Snowman dvd and curse that you must go outside and mow in this damnable heat.

If you know of coffees that are delicious iced or if you have burning coffee questions that would make interesting Nerdist Coffee fodder, please @me - or add a comment below.

I’m on a road trip. I’m wearing earplugs. I’m thinking about condoms. Squinting at my screen in the Texan darkness, my little post is turning into an opus. Honestly, I’ve been writing since I cleaned barbecue sauce off my fingers in Memphis.

So this week, let’s just get some basics out of the way. We can even dialogue a bit in the comments. I want to see what you think, so I can come back in a few weeks with something more personalized for such an awesome group of human beings as I find here. Let’s begin:

1^st, let’s face it. As much as school health educators have crammed condom use down our throats (if you were lucky enough to get taught the essentials in school) we as a society generally make pouty faces when it comes to condoms.

Rubber rage is a common theme and I get it. “I can’t feel anything!” “They’re too tight!” and “They keep breaking!” are the exasperation I hear most frequently.

2nd, I don’t desire a threesome with a plastic bag as much as the next person. But can we refine the experience a bit? The answer is: Yes! A thousand times YES! The condom of your (or your friend’s) dreams exists! It’s different for each person, but there is hope.

3^rd, it’s better to have one than not. The least sexy experience I’ve had with a condom is when my partner didn’t have one. I made him run all the way to 7eleven 3 blocks away. His excuse? You’re the one who’s a sex educator! My excuse? Uh, I had no plans of having sex this evening and you’re the one with the erection.

So until I get back to Cali South, I leave you now in the capable and nerdy hands of Paul Joannides, Psy.D. He’s the author of my favorite sex book OF ALL TIME,  “Guide to Getting It On.” It’s the book I spent many a night at Denny’s pouring over in high school. It’s hilarious. It’s reassuring. It’s fact-tastic.

Here’s Paul in his very first instructional YouTube vid nerding-out hardcore on the subject. It’s a little rough around the edges, but it schooled even me. Be my friend, Paul! We can be condom nerds together! We can do condomlabra craft night and have a montage! Paul? Oh well. Here ya go. See ya on the other side of Arizona.

So, you’ve graduated from pitching a tent and living at your local Starbucks to support your habit. You’ve read up at coffee geek and home barista about the tools you need to aim hot coffee into your throat and made at least one purchase that your loved one confused for a Swedish-made, er, enhancement device. But, you forgot one… small… detail. The coffee.

The Good news: whole bean coffee is available EVERYWHERE- cafes, supermarkets, …Frys Electronics Warehouse?

The Bad news: the coffee most everywhere is less than awesome.

As you stroll down the grocery aisle or through the café, here are a few tips you can use to get into at least the same zip code as good coffee.

Can you see the coffee beans? No? Good.

Bad Coffee Bins, No Donut

A few of the key enemies of fresh tasty coffee include light, heat, air, and moisture. If you can see actual coffee beans (in a clear Ziploc-type bag for example), that means light can get to the beans too. Far worse than even a clear baggy of coffee are those cursed plastic bins, present in practically every grocery store on the planet. In addition to light, the clear bins let regular air interact with the coffee and stale it long before it could ever hope to make the journey home to your coffee brewer and your tum. While the bins would appear to complement the fresh produce analogy that coffee people like to use, bins epically fail the wine analogy– when’s the last time you dunked your fingers in an unsold bottle of wine and then traipsed on your merry way to let some other sucker buy the resulting bottle of vinegar? This is to say nothing of the coffee oils that accumulate on the bins, go rancid, and infect all subsequent coffee added to each bin.

Please, please, please give me a date, will you???

Coffee people love to talk about dates and it’s not all “let’s get your fixie together with my fixie and bump ironically whited-out front forks.”  The dates we’re talking here are roast dates and if you’re stuck in why-the-effs-did-I-agree-to-come-heres-ville USA, cross your fingers and hope for expiration dates.

From roasting… to enjoyment.

When roasting stops, coffee begins aging. The first 24 hours are actually pretty exciting and necessary for the coffee to develop its flavor. After that, though, it’s all a steep downhill ride to the tastes-like-big-chief-tablet grave. As coffee ages, the beans emit CO2 which is why you’ll sometimes see your coffee bags get all puffed up. During the aging process, roasted coffee will throw off several times its own volume in CO2. This is why roasters choose to either sell their coffee in tin-tie kraft paper bags (the CO2 can escape through the top) or in flavorlock valve bags, which allow the CO2 to slowly escape through a clever one way valve without letting in oxygen which would stale the coffee. CO2 emission also helps to account for the extra-stale flavor of canned coffee. In order to keep the cans from exploding, commercial coffee roasters (think Nestle and Sara Lee) have to let the coffee stale and dump most of its CO2 payload before sealing up the can.

"I'm fresh"

Depending on the particular coffee and the roast applied to it, your coffee could peak within the first week or as late as 2+ weeks after roasting. The only way you’ll know when the coffee peaked is by (1) guzzling it daily and (2) referring to the roast date helpfully printed on the package. No roast date? Don’t be surprised. Other than their own standards, coffee companies aren’t given a lot of incentive to print roast dates. Their primary customers (grocery stores) would prefer that consumers think coffee is no different than a twinkie that can be safely stored on the shelf until the end times. As a result, you’ll find most coffee roasters that print roast dates on their bags are working hard to produce a fresher, tastier coffee and get it to your retailer in a timely manner.

"Mum, how old am I?"

In the unfortunate case that you can’t find a bag with a roast date on it to save your life, the next tier down is “best by” dates. These companies, while not best-in-class, are at least admitting that coffee degrades over time and should be consumed sooner rather than later. You may never know how long a particular coffee roaster considers their coffee to be good; it could be several weeks or months, but choosing a coffee that has a best by date on the bag is better than nothing.

Less is more.

Strolling down the aisles at Costco you’ll see 2-3lb bags of coffee at dee-lightful prices. The problem is, even with your bordering-on-criminal coffee habit, it’s unlikely that you’ll use up the bag within 7 days of opening it. Keeping an opened bag of coffee for much more than a week can only end with stale flavor and tears. Don’t do it… for the kids.

Well, I hope I’ve given you a few more criteria for making this, the most critical decision in your day. If you have burning coffee questions that would make interesting Coffee Nerdist fodder, please @me or add a comment below .

Finally, if you’ve tried all the coffee in your town and want to branch out to other coffee roasters, here is a handful that I’m a fan of. While they may not be in your neighborhood, they will gladly deliver by mail.

Espresso Vivace (espresso only) Seattle, WA

Stumptown Coffee Roasters Portland, Seattle, NYC, Amsterdam

49^th Parallel Coffee Roasters Vancouver, BC, Canada

PT’s Coffee Roasting Topeka, KS

Counter Culture Coffee Durham, NC

Ritual Coffee Roasters San Francisco, CA

Intelligentsia CoffeeChicago, LA

Terroir Coffee Acton, MA

Brown Coffee Co San Antonio, TX

Does this sound familiar? You’re trapped in your office building staring down the double barrel of both a long meeting and a hand-scrawled sign that reads

Even pessimism can be tasty!

“The coffee’s NOT free, 5¢ a cup or 25¢ a week” atop a ramshackle Mr. Coffee, and shelf groaning under 3lbs of Folgers coffee-style product. When there’s no hope of a decent coffee bar for blocks, your remaining choices quickly become clear – join the cult of the nectar of the tards, admit utter defeat and drink the coffee-like dreck before you, OR enter the frustratingly delicious world of cubicle-based specialty coffee brewing!

Meet the Aerobie AeroPress. The frolf masterminds at Aerobie have taken the same technology that launches projectiles upwards of 1,333 feet and used it to funnel hot coffee into our gullets. While it may have started as a laughable product by the makers of the Aerobie Squidgie Ball, the AeroPress has spawned nothing short of an entire coffee subculture, furiously innovating the art of personal brewing.

What is this AeroPress?

Aerobie AeroPress

The AeroPress is a pair of clear, nested, BPA-free tubes with a plunger and filter assembly that you fill with coffee and hot water and then stir before applying pressure to dispense coffee into your favorite mug… as detailed here.

The coffee geeks have said their piece (albeit in a 212 page half-decade-in-the-making epic dogpile of AeroPress discussion and debate ) – the AeroPress does NOT produce espresso. On the other hand, the manufacturer’s method DOES brew a tasty Americano-style coffee concentrate, and does so with a modest investment of equipment and time. Tech site Tested.com’s Will Smith made a fine video of the process here . Not satisfied to just enjoy AeroPressed coffee, dedicated coffee geeks have gone so far as to invent new brewing styles that yield a full 6oz cup of coffee and, as you might expect, have created the World AeroPress Championship , the THIRD ITERATION of which will be held in London on June 23rd and 24th. Before your eyes roll too deeply back into your head, consider that the previous champions of this competition have shared their winning recipes here for you to both ogle and wantonly copy in an effort to fill your belly with tasty coffee, all the while lording your superior coffee-making prowess over your peers during your next meeting. It’s like open source software, but with less compiling, penguins, and FSF donations and MORE hot coffee swilling.

My life used to be a mess. I had accumulated a seemingly limitless assortment of toys, books, inoperative gadgets and of course, faded newspapers. With each move I managed to collect more and more boxes, like debris caught in a gravitational field of pointlessness…that is, until I discovered the organizational trick known as “Trashing.” Trashing is a process by which you take things that are in your house and place them somewhere else, where you have no responsibility for them anymore. The cornerstones of The Trashing Technique are government sponsored bins that are somehow emptied of their contents on a weekly basis. No one knows for sure exactly how it works, they just knows it works.

After years of personal research on hoarding, it turns out that old magazines serve no observable purpose; the information retrieval process on a stack of magazines is sucktarded at best, and uneven weight distribution makes them less than ideal for in-home fort-building. I could give them to my neighbor but, he’s a stuck up jerk. You know who has no taste boundaries? The Department of Sanitation. They’ll take anything I can cram in their cans (that sounds weird, but go with it).

So the next time you think about putting those extra unusable dock adapters that came with your new cell phone into a drawer simply because, “You never know,” you do know. You’ll never use them. And the novelty bobble head Bin Laden that someone gave you for your birthday is only fun the first second you see it. After that, it’s another miniature roommate to deal with. Just because you have space doesn’t mean you have to fill it. You don’t
jam old pennies and phone cords into your mouth and nose just because
they’ll fit there, do you? Well, do you??? ANSWER ME.

So stop being a filthy gypsy. Take all the stuff you don’t normally use and Trash It. You will feel lighter and more in control. Think of it as “filing it into forever” or at least “wiping the excess poo off your brain’s bum.”

Trashing uses the latest in landfill technology to streamline your home or workplace.