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ORANGE IS THE NEW BLACK Recap: Going Tit for Tit

Getting one’s due, a comeuppance of sorts: an eye for an eye, a tit for a tit: this is how prison works. (As it so often does in the rest of the world, for better or for worse.) But during the tenth episode of Orange is The New Black, people are truly starting to get what’s coming for them, whether fully deserved or not. Because things are getting bleak for the ladies of Litchfield. Shoot, it’s getting bleak for the men, too! Guess that’s what happens when you send a semi-innocent — if crazy-awful and also not 100% totally in the right here — man to jail. Is karma a bitch or a dick?

Obviously the answer’s not that cut-and-dry, black-or-white, or really all that simple. Karma is a many-headed beast (and its genitalia is none of your goddamn business, thankyouverymuch). To some it’s not even real. But whatever your stance on it, actions referred to as such so often show the tragicomedy that life can be. And how habitual and repetitive people and their behaviors can be: like the fact that Alex and Piper can’t seem to get together unless one of them is cheating on someone else. It’s as if they want to ensure the maximum amount of destruction for anyone and everyone involved.

But now that Polly’s revealed to be the culprit in this semi-cheating escandalo, it’s a cold, hard slap of what goes around comes around for Ms. Piper here. Doesn’t feel so good to be on the flip side, does it? We were hopeful that the whole ordeal would give her a taste of her own medicine — enough to teach her to quell her shitty, selfish ways and consider how her actions negatively affect other people’s feelings for a change — but considering the fact that she left a bag of fiery poo on Polly’s doorstep, more likely than not, she’ll just keep doing what she does. Homegirl hasn’t been one for learning this season. Not really.

Why else would she go flaming poo-for-poo with Polly if she wasn’t acting just as crazy immature as Silvi, Alex’s so-called “crazy” ex? Or maybe that is how mature people work. (I wouldn’t know I’m not very mature. I giggled writing ‘poo’ so many times.) Regardless, Polly had a far different reaction than Piper did, showing the difference between adults and children, “alright, I deserved that.” Oh Piper.

Also maybe doing the wrong thing for the right reasons were Daya and Bennett, who have successfully managed to get Pornstache thrown in jail for “impregnating” an inmate. He’s going in but he doesn’t care — this sad sack is so very much that he wants Daya to wait for him. And name their kid Stan. First of all, let’s get one thing straight: Pornstache would totally give birth to a Stan, wouldn’t he? And I don’t just mean a totally milquetoast human that just so happens to be named Stan Mendez — I’m talking a Stan ala Eminem’s song “Stan”-Stan. A crazy.

Confrontation was the name of the game this week, and Morello was also a target. She got a huge, shocking surprise of her own when her fauxiancé/stalkee Christopher, who knows that she snuck out of jail and broke into his house even if no one will believe him, came to the prison to yell and scream at her. We’re personally glad he did, even if in some ways it felt a little harsh (but that’s just because we care about Morello more than him in this story), because it forced her to face her reality and confess the truth to Nicky. Maybe now, finally, saying the words out loud, will help her move forward. Maybe?!

Speaking of Nicky — we were so proud of her in this episode, weren’t you? After Taystee did the cruel, cruel, downright evil deed of throwing free heroine Nicky’s way, she gave the bag to Red. No doubt a move that’s about to bring the ongoing Vee/Red rivalry to a seriously explosive head. All thanks to Big Boo, who we’re still very mad at for selling out Red’s contraband methods for a piece of Vee’s empire pie (so to speak). These two. Oh man these two. This is going to get s-c-a-r-y. That confrontation was just the beginning. “We used to be friends,” Vee stated. And we can say quite assuredly after last week: uh no, no you not. In fact all you do is break up friendships, Vee — as evidenced by the end of the Poussey/Taystee lady-bromance.

Odds and Ends:
- We loved seeing Sophia and her son sharing a small moment during the episode. Baby steps, Sophia! Baby steps.
- Don’t forget he is the one that turned you in.
- We did not love Piper lying to Red about her shop being closed, though we do understand why.
- Still: haven’t we learned already that trying to “protect” one another from the realities of life only comes back to bite us all in the ass here?!
- I mean she’s already in jail for crissakes, be real with her jeez.
- Healy is still the worst: “I have a wife that I paid for. So fucking what?!”
- Oh and he’s also still very manipulative, using Pennsatucky as a therapy proxy/trying to win her over.
- All he wants is for women to love him but he doesn’t get that all women want is for him (and all men) to treat them like they’re goddamn PEOPLE not vaginas.
- If you don’t get that dudes you’ll never win. The end.
- Soso’s on a hunger strike, because of course.
- Sidenote: do we think Soso’s going to die because I think one way or another she might.
- We need more information on this elusive FitzCore that CityPost boy’s been yammering on about.

If you want to check out our other recaps for the season, click here!

Are you caught up on this episode of OITNB? Tell us what you thought about it in the comments (or on Twitter)!

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