I’m your nerd host, Chris Hardwick
Nerdist is a place where we nerds come together and share the nerdery that we find. It's also my home to various elements of the Nerdist Empire. You might recognize me from TV. You don't realize that's where you know me from, but it is. You think you went to college with me or I look like your cousin's friend, but that is not the case. At one time or another you stumbled upon me on your moving picture box in such cerebral gems as MTV's "Singled Out" and Noam Chomsky's "Shipmates." and so much more...
Say hello to the contributors.
Emily is extremely right about the fighting games. Very repetitive, I know I spelled that wrong, but she is super right. Fighting games are awful. Except for Super Smash Brother….good job Emily.
That may have been your most enjoyable podcast so far, especially the first half.
When I was in fourth grade, I saw my homeroom teacher in the grocery store with ANOTHER TEACHER. Talk about fucking mind-blowing. They were clearly dating, and of course we thought this was the funniest, most scandalous piece of information we could possibly have. We thought we had something on the teacher, like he had this secret he would do anything to protect, so we kept it to ourselves and waited for the best moment to reveal it. On the last day of school, the female teacher stopped by our classroom to drop something off, and we yelled, “MR. MACARIU AND [MS. FEMALE TEACHER] ARE IN LOVE!!!!!!!!!!”
In retrospect, it was either 1) cute and funny for them or 2) super awkward because they hadn’t said ‘I love you’ yet.
Okay one more, since you started talking about peeing. In elementary school (probably the same year), I had to pee at recess. I asked the lunchlady and she said I had to wait (which, come on adults, don’t fucking do that. If a kid says they need to pee, they probably aren’t lying to you!). So I accepted my fate and peed all over my dress.
At this time, I had a friend named Natasha who was a grade A bitch. She clearly hated me and wanted me to be miserable, but of course, girls won’t tell you that to your face. They’ll just pretend to be your best friend and then torture you. My mom always said she would grow up to be a stripper, though, so I won in the end.
Anyway, at the end of the day, my mom saw my dress was stained and asked what happened. She probably already knew, since I’m sure I reeked of urine, but it was nice of her to play dumb. I said, “Oh, I spilled apple juice on myself.” In a flash, there was Natasha by my side. “It was lemonade, wasn’t it?” she said.
I looked at her gratefully, thankful to have the support. “Yeah,” I said. “It was lemonade.” She narrowed her eyes at me and whispered, in the most hateful voice I’ve ever heard, “Liar.”
After you mentioned ice cream sandwiches, I couldn’t stop thinking of Arrested Development. Also, I loved the Psych references, awesome show! And when I think it can’t get any better, Kumail throws out a Firefly (one of my favorite things) reference.
I’ve enjoyed the Skyrim DLC so far. Dragonbone weapons are sweet, especially being able to forge arrows. I stayed with the Dawnguard, and the quests have been fun, as well as the random vampire encounters when travelling.
It’s nice to hear the Mass Effect ending got turned into actual ending”s.” I, like many others was skeptical when I heard they were releasing the extension.
Also, I just got tickets for Hilarities Friday night!!!
Great show.
Also, ear sex = shinshi shinshi
Two hours after we recorded, I yelled out SHINSHI SHINSHI to Kumail on a crowded street!
**MASS EFFECT 3 SPOILERS BELOW**
It annoyed me at the end when you put his/her name on the wall he/she didn’t have a first name (unlike everyone else) just “Commander Shepard”. I mean, you had to pick a first name for the character at creation and this could’ve been the ONLY place it ever came into play. Altho I guess, that’s fine for me who just left his name as the default “John” and didn’t rename him “Fagballs” or something else equally ridiculous.
I really like the Destroy ending best, and not just because I got high enough EMS score to allow Shep to live and the Normandy to fly back to Earth to rescue her. Killing ED-I and the Geth feels horrible and very much like a betrayal, but still less of a betrayal than Control or Synthesis. I feel like doing anything but destroying the Reapers utterly would be a betrayal to everyone who helped Shepard get there.
The Catalyst asserts that synthetics and organics will always be in conflict, but in my game the Geth and Quarians made peace so I kinda feel like the kid’s full of so much bologna.
I really enjoyed this episode, especially the new atmospheric sound files you guys are trying out!
Particularly realistic: Cat meow, Ambulance siren, car horn, children arguing.
Oh my goodness I laughed so hard about the peeing part.
I will have to tell the story about when I was five years old and pooped in a neighbor’s yard.
I didn’t get a sense of what ending Emily preferred for Mass Effect. Which one did you prefer? It sounds like Kumail enjoyed his pick the most, so he chose the best ending.
How about Lego Prometheus?
I think I preferred the synthesis ending, even if it’s a little too pod person perfect, like one of those towns in a Stephen King story where everything is great and then you find out everyone is a baby-eating demon. But the more we talked about it, the more the “do nothing” ending appealed to me. But I remain firm- synthesis is my jam.
@brodie very narrow minded statement. ALL games are repetitive. Just because you don’t like something doesn’t give you the right to leave out the facts.
@Emily if everyone is the same (hivemind) what makes you think that somewhere in the multiverse new life won’t spawn outside of the hivemind? When that life becomes intellectual I’m guessing that everyone in the hivemind would have a I’m better than you attitude and try to take over that new life. So I don’t see this as a happy ending at all.
Oh also that was an awesome podcast… in case I did not make it clear enough. (Most of them are.) I do enjoy the hostful episodes. Enjoy your vacation, and come to Seattle for a podcast so I can see it.
@Kyle S, if I could like your post I would. I agree completely.
Also, as a side note, you two were more adorable than usual in this episode. Especially the Amazon promo.
If I had to pick a canon ME3 ending for myself, I would go for Destroy. It’s pretty weird that they present Synthesis as the best ending (you need to meet specific conditions to get it AND the Starchild actively tries to talk you into it) despite the really creepy Authoritarian wet dream aspect of it. The idea that the “best” ending involves one guy making a decision to fundamentally alter every sentient creature in the galaxy against their will? And that decision results in a universe full of homogenous people who will live together in peace and harmony and everyone lives forever… with green eyes replacing blond hair and blue eyes, I guess? And then the fact that they’re still pushing “Organics and Synthetics will always be at war” despite giving us multiple examples of that NOT happening? It’s just a hot, creepy Fascistic mess in general.
As far as Destroy goes, you’ve completely removed the Reaper threat. There’s no “replacement” because all synthetic life has to be completely rebuilt from scratch… Which will take hundreds of years. And it also assumes that Synthetics will always be at war with Organics… Which we’ve already proved isn’t the case a la EDI, Legion and uniting the Geth and Quarians. Plus, if your war rating was high enough Shepard lives. So the other endings can suck it.
You can infact buy live animals on amazon
http://www.amazon.com/Live-Ladybugs-Hirts-Gardens-Approximately/dp/B0057AZ5U8/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1341258797&sr=8-1&keywords=ladybugs
I’m thinking of coming to one of the Cleveland shows, but as I have never gone to see standup my butt is puckered in social fear. What night should I go? And will you guys pretend to like me?
The mention of Nolan North’s ever-present and super-recognizable voice reminded me – he was the Penguin in Arkham City, and that doesn’t sound like Nathan Drake at all.
Of course, I already know you guys aren’t my kind of gamers, but this is quite of selection of not-my-kind-of-games.
Last episode, with Keith Apicary was one of my favorites.
Which I only said so Chris doesn’t yell at me for “only coming here to be negative”. Sometimes positivity is out of place.
If you choose destroy and get the “breath” scene where Shepard lives you get a different cinematic. Instead of Shepard’s placard going up on the memorial wall they stop short of putting it up and the Normandy takes off, hinting that they’re going to fins Shepard. It really seems like the best choice since the premise of synthetic life always rebelling against organics is disproved right in the game.
I was a little confused by Kumail and Emily’s discussion about the least “arrogant” ending in Mass Effect. They seemed to imply that inaction is something distinct from an action, even GIVEN that the choice is certain to be impactful.
That’s seeing a boulder roll down a hill and saying, “I don’t know who pushed the boulder, or what it will hit. Maybe it will kill the next Hitler. Therefore, I took the least arrogant path of inaction.” But, at that moment of decision, you are effectively creating a new universe where you stood still, or waylaid the boulder, etc… Every action is as “arrogant” as the next.
They didnt talk about the Indocrination Theory and Emily thinks COD is a mindless shoot NO FUCKING DUH PEOPLE ONLY PLAY IT FOR THE MULTIPLAYER. I HATE EMILY, HER OPINION SUCKS
Not just a hostful episode, a joyful one! Amazing from the epic promo time to the end!
The truth comes out! After years of being slandered by Joss Whedon as demon-spawn, vampires finally took their revenge! Lousy blood-suckers, we would be getting Firefly season 9 on blu-ray right now.
Lego Prometheus? “I want to know who made us and why!” “It was the Danish, we promote attention to detail and following direction.”
Avengers should have had a Lego game, especially since there are Lego Avengers play sets, maybe next time.
Oh, and Lego Back to the Future. That’s a win.
Shabu shabu is a Japanese dish, it does involve dipping meat though.
I, like many others, grew up seeing Harrison Ford as Indiana Jones AND Han Solo. It really explains movies to the child mind.
Al: I don’t think Kumail and Emily are saying that the new ending option is a non-choice free of responsibility, especially considering how the fight turns out. I think the idea that is so appealing is the option of rejecting the deus ex machina that springs up at the very end of the series, so that Shepard and everyone who has rallied together to fight the Reapers can take their fate in their own hands, which is what you are building towards the entire game. The first three endings were Shepard deciding how things were going to turn out on his own. The new option is still Shepard’s call, but he(or she) was choosing to let the amassed forces win or lose on their own merits, so they, not Shepard alone, would decide the day.
Also: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9S75Rfva9O8
Hey y’all lets go find some treasure!
Hey guys,
Emily, you said that the song ‘Mad World’ would have fit well in the Mass Effect ending. I don’t know if you’ve heard this already, but take a listen to this fan-created song called ‘Reignite’. Everyone that I have played it for has been reduced to tears, even if they haven’t played a single Mass Effect game. It’s that beautiful.
AMAZING podcast!!! I loved Kumail’s pee story!!! I laughed to the point of tears!!! When he started imitating the sound he made (reduced to complete breathless laugh/cry drool mode)!
This whole episode was funny, informative, and just downright perfect. Thanks Kumail and Emily!!!!
Great way to rebound from the kieth apicary debacle…
MORE HOSTFULS!!!!
I have a question for Emily in regards to her thoughts on Destruction in ME3.
If there was a Reaper self-destruct option, which would allow EDI and the Geth to survive do you assume that eventually EDI and the Geth would rebel and turn on organic life? If you think it’s inevitable that in the destruction future new synthetics will have to turn on their makers you must believe that EDI and the Geth would eventually as well.
EDI is planning on getting horizontal with Joker and in my playthrough I unite the Geth and the Quarians, so Synthetics and Organics can co-exist peacefully.
Also does anybody else think that EDI and possibly the Geth could be repaired? It isn’t technology that’s destroyed, so I’d guess that EDI would have a protected back-up somewhere and the Geth aren’t even hardware in the 1st place, so they should definitely have some kind of back-up somewhere.
ok I really love you guys, but I seem to always disagree whenever you talk about the Mass Effect endings. My first problem is that Emily seems to be adding things that I don’t think has any validity, such as how the destroy ending is the most short term and that the Reapers will somehow return or we’ll be at war with synthetics eventually. If anything it seems to be the most long term solution since its the only ending where the reapers no longer exist. I feel as though, in the other 3 endings the Reapers still exist, which means that threat is still there no matter how unlikely it is to resurface. The destroy ending has the worst short term consequences but in the long run I think that the galaxy has proven with the Geth and EDI that synthetic life and organic life can coexist. The Quarians sure won’t forget how the Geth started helping them rebuild their home world, and the Alliance won’t forget how much EDI helped in eliminating the Reaper threat. As for Hackett saying “We did it” and you saying that everyone seems to be taking credit for what Shepard did, sure Shepard may have activated the Crucible, but he sure as hell didn’t build it, or protect it, or hold earth long enough for it to be constructed, or single handily fight on all the planets being attacked by Reapers. Shepard wouldn’t have even made it off of Earth in the beginning if there wasn’t a team effort. Its like a star quarterback, he may be the one doing the main part of scoring, but without his offensive line he’d get sacked every time. Also, you much not have watched the best possible ending for destroy, because if you have over 3100 EMS, then your crew hesitates placing Shepard’s name on the wall and instead flys off, presumably to go find him. Then you see the camera zooming in on Shepard’s chest buried in rubble, only to have him/her take a quick breath at the very end, leaving the assumption that Shepard actually survives. The control ending you seemed to be pretty right on but I really don’t think its that hubristic to try and control them, theres more risk but more potential reward. I view the control ending as the full realization of what the catalyst’s creators imagined. The catalyst was created to keep peace between organics and synthetics, but eventually felt that the only possible solution was to create the reapers, thus creating the cycle. With the new catalyst having Shepard’s feelings, memories, and personality, he can use the reaper’s force to keep peace between synthetics and organics if necessary but will never turn to the catalyst’s original solution of a forced cycle of extinction. I agree with Kumail on the synthesis ending, Shepard is essentially forcing every organic and synthetic being to evolve, whether they want to or not and it just seems like a less horrible version of what the Reapers are doing with the husks and other reaper forces. It seems immoral and unnecessarily invasive and seems to me is only a short term solution. Its been proven in scientific labs that organic life can come about from non organic materials in the right conditions, and since the synthesis only affects current organic and synthetic life, what happens when new all organic life comes about or new synthetic life is created, it leaves us no better off then before. The only reasons the reapers stop in the synthesis ending is because pure organic and pure synthetic no longer exist, but when organic and synthetic life comes about again the Reaper’s purpose is suddenly viable again. Also, I disagree with the hive mind idea that Emily added, I think the green eyes were Bioware’s attempt to show that all life was both organic and synthetic without having to change the actual character models themselves. The refusal ending you guys pretty much hit the nail on the head, even though I feel like its kind of a just roll over and die type of ending. Why can’t I see Shepard going back out into the Normandy and trying to take out as many Reapers as he/she can in a blaze of glory? K now sorry for the rant, still love you guys and I listen every week
Thanks all! Glad you guys like these hostful episodes. Maybe we’ll do more in the future, you know?
Ben Clarkson, come to the show! It’ll be fun, I promise. And then come by afterwards and say hi. It’s like watching a movie at a theater, except at a movie you don’t get to come and say to hi to Spiderman afterwards.
Kumail
Kumail
I think this is my favourite Nolan North role: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0qSPTnozsfU
Also, speaking of sports games: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o7YwY1LyeNA
You live in the Destroy Ending. You also find out how your squadmates left the battlefield. I really liked the Extended Cut.
Hey Kumail and Emily!
I know you guys are not big PC gamers but when i heard you had not really played RTS games i immediately thought of Starcraft 2 and how much fun i had playing it, especially with my friends. If you have some down time pick it up!!!
In essence the Synthesis ending turned everyone into the Humanoid Cylons from Battlestar Galactica. Everyone is essentially the same thus ending conflict, but they still posses individuality and variance from person to person.
Another analogy could be Newtypes or Innovators from the Gundam metaverse,
Amazon has ice cream sandwiches:
http://www.amazon.com/Schwans-Ice-Cream-Sandwiches/dp/B005JTMLA4/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1343514535&sr=8-1&keywords=ice+cream+sandwiches
Starting to hate Emily. Probably because all i play are fighting games… HATE! The only reason you are bored by them, is because you button mash and don’t realize those games DO have lots of depth! Kumel needs a new co host pronto!