Nerdist was started by Chris Hardwick and has grown to be a many headed beast.

Minecraft: A Quick Non-Primer on Maps

by on June 12, 2012

I’ve been playing Minecraft for a month or so now and I can’t find my house. Or any of my houses. Or underground lairs. Or small lava pools or pig sanctuaries or partially landscaped, strangely laid out amphitheaters, or what I thought was a cool idea at the time, water parks for chickens, or even my pick axe thing.

So I guess I need a map. Duh. And I know I can craft a map out of sugar cubes or butterfly ephemera or some such nonsense, but, honestly, guys, I can barely craft a stick without getting distracted by bath pigs, so I don’t really see that happening. I just want to build a third of a house with some ill placed torches and a bed thrown haphazardly in the pool sanctuary (which is really just an accidental place where I dug too close to the ocean) and maybe some kind of sex dungeon, and then, usually, I am pretty drunk on wine, so I pass out on the couch after tweeting about an octopus eating a cow.

Then there is something called Minecraft Maps, which I guess is like how you can share tracks you create in Trials, but instead of LOTR Eyes of Saurons (ssss), you create a fantasy world where your house is built into the side of a mountain and the days all run together and you never age. Totally different.

I know I’m not alone in losing my shit (heh) playing Minecraft, and also possibly being lulled into a sense of dreamy complacency by the dinky dinky music. I have watched a nine-year-old girl lose her house and find it again and then giggle a lot because she replaced her head with a square pumpkin while making a wall out of wool. So it seems pretty regular as far as Minecrafting goes.

Anyway that is how not to play Minecraft with maps. Plus, you can kill cows, but I don’t because I’m not an asshole.