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A Sitcom from 2013

From watching all of the promos for the upcoming shows coming to network television this fall and in mid-season, I think I’ve finally figured out the secret to getting your sitcom greenlit by a network.

Based off a formula of being reactive to trends/what’s successful elsewhere, attempting to address a current issue, attaching one, if not several, big names to the project, and creating a situation that dutifully avoids such description as edgy, subversive, and, arguably, both original and smart, I think I’ve got something worthy of being shoved down people’s throats. First on billboards, bus and bench ads, then on actual TV, the show I have in mind is so greenlight-ready, I’ve already written the press release for it.

Coming to (REDACTED) this fall, from the brilliant mind of [insert someone like JJ Abrams or Joss Whedon and if you can't get them someone who has major credits, even if they only want $$$], comes a brand new series that will make you laugh harder that you’ve ever remembered laughing, even if you had a time machine.

Following his cameo in Ricky Gervais’ Life’s Too Short, Liam Neeson (played by Liam Neeson or Nick Offerman), sick of having special skills, being a Greek god, and punching wolves, just wants the laughs. Reprising his role in Taken 2 (the sequel is filming right now) and getting hold of a time machine, he’s going to go back in time and stop himself from taking the starring role in Taken, thus preventing himself from being typecast. The actor will then have to avoid being cast in hard-hitting Oscar dark-horse dramas about gay marriage, financial collapse, or the depletion of natural resources, navigating himself out of the treacherous and unnecessarily ornate office spaces of Hollywood in what critics [or whoever will give us press] call “exactly like Entourage if it was darker, hipper, and actually funny.”

With the help of Channing Tatum (played by Channing Tatum), [or any just-turned or about to turn A-list star who was in a comedy last Summer], and Jon Hamm (played by Sam Worthington), and Pamela Adlon [or anyone else who can lend comedic credibility to the show by their name alone], Neeson can adapt to the vastly different world of 2008 when Obama was celebrated almost across the board and you people were still all about 9/11 jokes, and he’ll never have to worry about every looking off dramatically into the distance. He also wouldn’t have to worry about saying lines of dialogue between explosions in a movie or be mistaken for Ralph Fiennes ever again. Instead, he can do it now for the laughs that he, and not a Ralph-profile lookalike, was destined to get.

From people that did something on Modern Family, Big Bang Theory, Two and a Half Men (with Charlie Sheen), The Simpsons, Community (post-Dan Harmon), and the jokes in The Avengers, comes LIAM NEESON’S PERSONAL REDUX, premiering this fall on (REDACTED).

Can’t wait to hear about this at Network TV Upfronts in 2013.

 

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