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Dissecting Trailers: Lock-Out

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5nu7VlD-9rw&w=615&h=342]
There’s truly nothing I can say to preface this trailer except “What the actual fuck?” Now let’s begin.

0:06-0:10: Hmm, this has the unmistakable aroma of Europe already.

0:10-0:14: Gravelly-voiced trailer narration is a sadly dying art. However, anytime you hear it, you know it’s going to be a “good one.”

0:14-0:20: Rampant CGI. Looks a little like Minority Report, doesn’t it?

0:20-0:25: Oh, for fuck’s sake. A prison in geosynchronous orbit around the Earth? That would be the largest space object ever built. Way to use space for its intended purpose, fictional future world leaders.

0:25-0:30: It’s a good thing ships are slower in space, otherwise that gun would be incredibly inefficient.

0:30-0:35: Alright, the plot of this film, you’re asking us to suspend and awful lot of disbelief here. Would they really send a hot blonde up in outer goddamned space to a prison full of the planet’s most insane and dangerous criminals?

0:35-0:44: Well…that escalated quickly.

0:45-0:48: Okay, really? The hot woman is the PRESIDENT’S DAUGHTER. If you really cared about her you would have realized this had narrative linchpin written all over it.

0:48-0:53: There’s always just one man. No one ever says, “Well, luckily I know like five or six guys who could probably do it; let me get on Twitter and see who’s around.”

0:54-1:02: What exactly is he good at besides causing multi-car pile ups? I’d also like to that voice actor Corey Burton for redubbing whoever the president is talking to for the purposes of the trailer.

1:03-1:10: Guy Pearce as Hugh Jackman as John McClane as Snake Plissken.

1:11-1:16: In this future, the space program is bigger than Apple.

1:16-1:25: How exactly is he FALLING? There’s no gravity in space, last time I checked, so he’d just keep going forward forever or until something stopped him. Have people totally forgotten the science part of science fiction? (The answer is yes)

1:26-1:27: Of course it’s from the producers of Taken. It’s another movie where Maggie Grace has to be rescued, I really hope “damsel-ing” is prominent on her list of skills.

1:27-1:35: Again, the gravity generator will hold him up.  Fine, but why then does the bad guy fall to his death? Come on, fellas, you’re losing your heads.

1:35-1:40: You’d think she’d be a little more grateful to see someone who wasn’t actively trying to rape her.

1:41-1:49: She’s really wearing the best disguise I’ve ever seen. I’m surprised it didn’t work.

1:49-1:52: It’s falling out of the sky… How unprecedented.

1:53-2:00: It has been quite a while since we’ve seen a good insane Scotsman on the big screen. So it’s got that going for it.

2:00-2:06: It is kind of cool to see Guy Pearce in just a straight up badass role, that’s pretty rare for him. Is he going to follow in Liam Neeson’s footsteps and play nothing but that now? Will Pearce get to fight off wolves in a few years?

2:06-2:12: Shots of nothing at all, good for any trailer. Also, they seem to have taken a good amount of liberty in telling the story of the NBA’s recent lockout. Fewer tattooed convicts, though.

2:13-2:23: And no trailer is complete without an oral sex joke.

Hooray to this movie for being outwardly ridiculous from the first shot of the trailer. I’ll probably see it.

-Kanderson liked this movie the first time he saw it, when it followed him on TWITTER

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19 comments

  • Wow, Kyle, you are being really negative about this film. It looks like a generic action flick but in space.

    Also, the reason he falls when in the space suit is because he clearly pushes off with his left foot so he goes forward until he reaches the station i.e. something else stops him.

    I think you would enjoy movies more if you realize how amazingly difficult it is to get a movie made and enjoy the bad and cheesy parts for the sole reason that it exists, that said, it does not mean you have to like it.

  • Even as they said his name was “Snow”, they only made it to “Sn” and I finished with “Snake Plisskin.”

    “He’s the best there is…but he’s a loose cannon.” Way to break new ground, writers. This is clearly a character that we have never seen before in any other movie. Ever.

    I would say, in its (potential) defense, that there *is* gravity in space. An object in orbit in is a state of freefall due to the force of gravity that’s why things appear “weightless” in orbit. Gravity holds the Moon near the Earth, and pulled Skylab down. Otherwise gravity propagates outward from a given mass without end or limit at the speed on light.

    While the Earths atmosphere (which has no well defined edge, does create some minor drag for objects in near-Earth orbit, it’s minor enough to ignore generally/ Still, it’s possible that our hero or a prisoner fired maneuvering rockets to adjust the velocity of the station, which could cause its orbit to decay.

    So they could still save themselves on the “it’s falling” point (we’ll see if they actually do, but it’s possible).

  • I was willing to believe this was an actual movie trailer at first but, as the improbabilities started to pile up, (space prison? president’s daughter? loose cannon??) I had to ask myself the obvious question: Is this a joke?

  • It would appear that in the future at least they found out a way to eradicate violent crime by females. Unless there is a second space-prison floating up there waiting for a sequel: “Escape From New York: Space Edition Part II”

  • There’s always that one guy and he’s ALWAYS “a loose cannon!”

    It’s been a while since I’ve played them, but I would swear a couple of the shots in that trailer were copied from the games Dead Space and Dead Space 2.

  • I love the Nerdist site and its talkbackers….i just saw the preview and jumped here to type “ummm…why isnt this titled ‘Escape From New York 3’…its the EXACT plot of the first 2″…..then i read that at least 2 talkbackers already made the same connection.

    That being said…it looks like a fun popcorn action flick!!!

    3ToF

  • This looks hardcore awful. And yet, I kind of really want to see it. It’s the best way to pass a Sunday afternoon. Watching a crap Sci-Fi movie while eating popcorn and Goobers.

    And Guy Pearce looks good…I cannot lie.

    Aaannnddd…I liked Taken. Sorry, I did.