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Occupy Duckburg

The economic state of the world is hitting everyone, even in once-safe and financially secure locations. I feel it’s important to allow those troubled by the lack of jobs yet not on our nation’s radar to get a chance to speak their mind. The following is an open letter from a concerned citizen of Duckburg:

Irresponsible Businessman

I feel there is a real problem in Duckburg’s economy and it begins with the citizen right at the top, its so-called “top citizen,” the zillionaire Scrooge McDuck. It is simply despicable that in 2011 most of us have to get by on pittance while one man continually gets richer. His total earnings have never been reported, even to the IRS, but it’s believed to be somewhere in the multipujillions. He isn’t simply the richest duck in town; he’s the richest duck in the world. Not even internet pioneer Mark Duckerberg can rival his fortune.

Sickening Wealth

I am well aware that Mr. McDuck rose to prominence through nothing more than self-reliance and ingenuity, and in many ways he embodies the American Dream; however, his disgusting amount of wealth is greater than the annual income of the entire rest of the city. He wasn’t even born in this country! And to flaunt his massive wealth the way he does, by putting it all in a giant white bin with a dollar sign on the side, rubbing it in our faces… it’s an absolute disgrace, not to mention an eye-sore disrupting the natural beauty of our fair city. Maybe he should put some of that money back into the economy instead of depleting the gold reserve by keeping everything in coins and then being unhygienic and swimming around in it. It’s probably covered in fungus and bacteria.

What exactly does he do with his money? He spends it on ridiculous big-ticket items. Things like race cars, lasers, and aeroplanes, things that even the most conservative of us would describe as a “duck blur.” Then he goes off and gallivants around the world on these ridiculous treasure-seeking holidays. He has three young nephews to take care of, and he’s always putting them in harm’s way. It’s completely irresponsible parenting. Young children should never be involved in derring-do. If anyone else subjected their kids to things like this, they’d be arrested for reckless endangerment. More exceptions for the wealthy. He also has a full-time butler, maid, scientist, accountant, and bodyguard, some of whom aren’t even local Duckburgers, depriving tax-payers of high-paying jobs. At one point he also had a pilot working for him; However, that gentleman so objected to McDuck’s rampant over-spending, he was expatriated to St. Canard, a city so infested with crime that they’ve actually been forced to accept aid from a masked vigilante.

A Story All Too Common

And speaking of crime, we’re all aware at the multiple failed attempts by the Beagle Boys to break into Mr. McDuck’s money bin and steal his “Number One Dime.” No one deserves to have their personal safety and property at risk, and I do not condone the methods enacted by them, but can we truly blame them? They’re a large family all living under one roof, and they all have criminal records, so getting legitimate work must be tough. They’re in and out of the justice system so often they can’t possibly make a real go of it. If McDuck would simply open one of his factories here instead of outsourcing everything overseas, perhaps people like Ma Beagle and her sons wouldn’t need to resort to theft and larceny.

I’m asking you, citizens of Duckburg, to join me tomorrow in protesting Scrooge McDuck’s gross misuse of wealth and stand in front of his money bin until something is done. We can’t keep suffering while he lives in a palace. It’s time for a change.

I am the 99.999999999%

-Kanderson likes old cartoons. Follow him on TWITTER

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17 comments

  • I can’t believe someone wasted their time writing a long letter about a subject so completely absurd. Why don’t you do something useful. As everyone knows, Scrooge McDuck has saved this city, and dare I say, this world, countless times. He has even, reportedly, rewritten history! Think of the wonders that Mr. McDuck has provided us. Autistic unicycled superheroes. Baby tricerotopses. The plot of Inception. The list goes on and on. Mr. McDuck has earned his fabulous wealth many times over, and the sooner you realize that, the sooner you will start being a productive indiviual. Or would you rather have remained encased in gold?

  • I was left by my family to live with my two brothers (Hughie and Louie) and Uncle. His immeasurable wealth has allowed me to live a lavish life of ease. Though I am put in harms way, these adventures are experienced by only a handful of Duckmanity.
    I am the 0.000000001%
    I stand with the 99.999999999%

  • Without Mr. McDuck the entire city of Duckburg would be nothing but a handful of failing farms and a decommissioned army base. I doubt the state of Calisota would even exist; it be some empty stretch of scenic nothing between San Francisco and Portland. Complaining that he, basically, hasn’t done enough for us lately is the dumbest and most spoiled claptrap I’ve heard in years! McDuck isn’t cheating anyone out of anything. He may be the wealthiest Duck in the world but he sure as tail feathers made his fortune through hard work and commitment. He made it honest, he made it square.

    The money bin might get to the jealous types who’d think the duck some crazed hoarder but you don’t get to be as rich as McDuck by keeping your capital in a safe. The bin is, dare I say, but sentimental petty cash. The true wealth is in the factories, research centers, warehouses, buildings, plants, etc. The industries that McDuck starts and runs that employ so many of us and make modern life possible.

    It wouldn’t surprise me one bit to learn that this whole protest is just some clever diversion by that horrid witch, whats-her-name, in an attempt to once more harass, McDuck in particular and, our fair metropolis in general. I’d suspect the Beagle league of the plot but I doubt those glorified chicken thieves have the skills to dictate a lengthy letter such as the one above let alone write it.

    Now get back to work!

  • I’m torn about the economics involved.

    By putting most of his wealth in a money bin he is effectively taking it out of circulation. Capital is to be used to make more money, but much of McDuck’s fortune is stagnant, leading to a liquidity trap. McDuck could simply invest in others, enabling others to raise their status while also benefiting. His use of a money bin may be his right, but it does make him a decent citizen.

    This, though, is fraught with danger. McDuck is also a hoarder, in that by holding such vast wealth out of circulation he is affecting the inflation rate and creating a scarcity problem. Should he decide to McDuck could release his funds, flooding the market with capital and, in effect, printing money. Carefully done, a rise in inflation could help those in debt, as their relative debt will fall. But McDuck, most probably the holder of many loans, would lose on such a deal; most likely, he will continue to hoard until he fears lenders defaulting more than his relative loss of wealth. Regardless, it is clear he holds too much power; a classic clash of democracy and capitalism.

    From photographic evidence, much of his wealth is in gold and diamonds. This investment flies in the face of the more creative accounting that expanded the economy before the crash. Wily, in that he avoided much of the devaluation of assets following the crash (and, having his own money bin, was not effected by the bank crisis), but it also is fairly safe from rises and falls in the economy. He has no reason to care about the economy at large. His wealth is an island; he needs no one, yet he can play puppet master at any point.

    True, as others have said, he has saved Duckburg several times, but how many of those issues were brought to bear because McDuck attracted them in the first place?

    Duckburg citizens have several options, but the best might be to create a shadow economy, based on a shared currency like DuckBucks or even a simple barter system. McDuck can deal with the larger world, while the citizens of Duckburg help each other.

  • I think fingers are being pointed in the wrong direction. Ever single cent he earned, he earned fair and square. The legal way. (Glomgold is who you should be questioning business habits.) And what he chooses to do with his assets is HIS business. The money he keeps in his bin is only the money he personally earned. treasures and coins he physically earned. He has his corporate money, money that his companies and such, in banks and constantly circulating. What’s a few billions in his money bank, if he still has lots of his septagatrillions circulating about.

    Let the duck swim in his coins, if he wants to. He practically founded the city. And a guy as old as him, who has done so many things we haven’t even fathomed on possibly doing in our lifetime, just wants to spend his remaining days happy. Let him be.

    And how DARE this man bring up the fact he wasn’t born in this country. Shame. Shame on you, sir! He is every bit as Calisotian as the rest of us. Just because he wasn’t born on our soil doesn’t mean anything. he shared the dreams of our fathers and mothers before us. A dream to make his life, and the life of his family, better. A dream of economic wealth and happiness. isn’t that what we all want? Enough money to live without stress and be happy?

    Honestly…it just sounds like propaganda against Scrooge McDuck, to me. And I can’t help but feel that a certain John D Rockerduck’s money is behind this…

  • Uncle Scrooge is the biggest penny-pinching old skinflint around. All that money of his just sits there in his big old bin, collecting dust. (I ought to know…I get stuck de-dusting it for 15 cents an hour!) Sure, he may take my nephews and me on trips around the world, which SOUNDS like fun, but all we ever see is dusty old archaeological sites and sunken ships. All he ever thinks about is his doggoned money! He’ll never know the joy of a tall cool fizzy soda because he won’t spend the money to buy one. Um…where was I going with this?

  • Scrooge McDuck has done alot for the community and the world at large. Scrooge McDuck is the richest duck in the world and perhaps the universe. However the world hasn’t become a post apocalyptic wasteland, Why do you think that is? As an insider I am privilideged to say that Mr. McDuck had his scientist work on a series of prototypes to track down terrorists and had them dealt with. So with the worst of Duckmanity safely removed Scrooge then began to purchase all the worlds arms contractors and arrange it so that they could never supply to the world’s governments and unite against them if they ever got too aggressive to prevent a global world war which would cost considerable duck lives.

    Lets talk about the beagle boys for a second. Scrooge McDuck hooked them up with a record label after discovering their singing abilities. Their mother however intentionally sabotaged them because she has and addiction to the adrenaline release provided by the dangers of a life of crime. And might I add none of the Beagle Boys have ever been killed during a burglary. Why do you think this is? It’s because Scrooge allows them to keepy trying hoping one day the Beagle Boys will stand up to their mother and become free of her negative influence.

    As for his personal pilot. Launchpad McQuack was personally sent to aid the masked vigilante in cleaning up the city of St. Canard. Scrooge could have done this himself but it is suspected that much like Scrooge has his own nephews so too does the vigilante and that the this hero will instill the strong moral ethics into his young heir.

    Scrooge’s expeditions with his nephews are not entirely unheard of. Parents usually take their children on expeditions around the world. These Nephews are learning much and undoubtably will be exposed to cultures and history that might be miswritten in standard school texts. They also help keep Scrooge McDuck grounded and inspire the best in him.

    And let us not forget Oxychew, A simple gum to help breathe on the moon invented for Mr. Mcduck is now available for scientists who need to research in oxygen free enviroments. Scrooge McDuck is truely a pioneer of innovation.