by Matthew Burnside on August 16, 2011
Scientists are at it again, everybody. Going around messin’ with RNA like they own the place. Injecting it into mosquito embryos to turn off the gene that produces fertile sperm. Once the ‘squitoes realize they won’t be responsible for any children, they are going to go all over town squirting jizz out of their itty-bitty, insect dicks. They’re creating a playboy strand of male mosquitoes. Soon the puddles in our backyards will be used as key parties for swinging pests. What is this world coming to? Encouraging mosquitoes to have sex outside of wedlock. I, for one, am disgusted.
Apparently, female mosquitoes only bang it out once and carry the baby sauce around forever to use for reproducing. Gross! By tricking some of those lady mosquitoes into carrying a belly full of blanks, their eggs will be empty. Thus, less bug bites. The question is, “Are these dumb broads dumb enough to not notice?” Their words, not mine. In the meantime, pick up a few bottles of bug spray while you’re out. If you take one and dump it into a 2-liter bottle and toss it in a fire, you can almost set a whole camp site on fire. That’s what we did in Boy Scouts. Please don’t do that. My dad is still pissed about his stuff. Let it go, dad! It was over ten years ago! Love me again!
They say they are doing it to prevent the spread of malaria. I think they are just sick of skeeters mucking up their barbecues. There’s got to be something more going on here. We’ve been losing the BBQ Wars for years and need our Manhattan Project. By creating a strand of free loving, slut insects, they’re encouraging the mosquitoes to pass around tiny insect STD’s and kill each other off. Brilliant.
Follow Matthew on Twitter at @MatthewBurnside if you’re into that thing.