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Nerdist was started by Chris Hardwick and has grown to be a many headed beast.

I’m In Die Hard 5 Apparently!

by on August 29, 2011

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As someone who has enjoyed the supercop antics of John McClane over the years, it pleased me to no end to find out that I have apparently been cast in the fifth installment of the popular Die Hard franchise. I’m not sure how or when this happened–as I’ve never been contacted by anyone involved with the film–but know that I will provide details as I get them!

Yippie Ki-Yay and a heartfelt thanks, Mother Fuckers!

 
43 comments read them below or add one

  2. fourth billed… i think you are getting justin longs part, or at the very least, the dad from family matters part

  3. So, don’t they pretty much have to put you in the movie now? I mean, it’s on the internet, so it must be true.

  6. Weird that this “Lucy McClaine” character has a name so close to (but not quite!) that of “Lucy McClane”, John McClane’s daughter. Almost makes me wonder if IMDB is unreliable.

  12. You probably play the distant cousin of Timothy Olyphant’s character who’s for some reason butthurt.

    But good news: this also means you get to be the evil character in a classic Disney movie, too.

  13. For a long time I inserted myself into random movies on imdb.com, all were uncredited extras: crying woman, screaming hooker, etc and were accepted and added. Many other similar sites copied that info so that when I finally got busted my name is still attached to those movies all over the intarwebs.

  14. Maybe your character name should be “Big C”…

    Just make sure they do a real “R” version this time instead of that Disney version they did last time.

  16. You remind me of one Eddie Munster. I shall like to see you play the role completely covered in sores (abrasions, lesions…)

  17. I guess I should have made my last comment as Dieter from Sprockets, not as Ren Höek…

  18. @Brian – The “dad from Family Matters” name is Reginald VelJohnson. A little respect, if you please.

  19. You’re playing Timothy Olyphant’s brother, playing mind games with John McClane in order to fool him into thinking you want revenge, but really you’re going to irradiate all the lithium in the world (so no one can make Li-Ion batteries anymore), but really you’re going to steal it all and kill your cohorts. BTW, I’ve never seen any of the Die Hard movies, none of them. That’s entirely my own plot, yup, never seen one of them.

  21. Perhaps you were cast by the same guy who was messing with your credit at Wells Fargo? That mystery guy who is apparently guiding your career unbeknownst to you.

  22. I think it’s a coded death threat.
    Excuse me I have to go shopping for a new tinfoil hat.

  23. I think it’s time they reboot the franchise. Die Hardwicke: Starring Big C as John McClane, Mirabooey as the wisecracking civilian sidekick and Vajonah as the cottage cheese hating villain. Third act twist reveals that Wells-Fargo is actually pulling the strings. “Yippee Ki yay and enjoy your burrito mother fucker.”

  24. Cool, and I agree with John Lewis. If they added Weird Al, you two would have two movies together to your credit. haha!

  25. You might not know this yet, but you play John McLane’s bumbling sidekick Billy, who’s from the future and part gorilla. It’s a pretty large role, including a sexual encounter with Sumalee Montano. Your role will climax in a death scene in which you fall from an exploding helicopter into a tank of Barracuda’s. Will contact you later this week with the details.

  26. Clearly you’ll be some kind of computer hacker, probably European so work on your accents. I imagine the movie will be called something like “Only the Good Die Hard” which oddly enough will be the same name as the porn parody remake.

  27. it also says you were on zoey 101 and other stuff idk whats true!? looking forward to you in die hard Big C, maybe “Big C” will be your hacker code name. “Big C” also sounds like a crack dealer. I really hope it is the hacker thing, you just wrote a self-help book you can’t go around dealing drugs.

  28. Considering how hard it is to get the IMDB folks to update pages with *real* information (publishers have tried repeated times to get my name added to the in-development GeekDad movie, to no avail), I find it ironic that fake info made it in. OTOH, if you DID get in the movie Chris, I’d TOTALLY go see it!

  30. Being the villain would be coolness itself–recall Hans Gruber. They were always the suave, smart ones in the franchise.

  31. Party Hard, Die Harder
    Die Hard or Bust
    Ready, Set, Die Hard
    Dance or Die Hard
    Parting is Such Sweet Die Hard
    Die Hard my Darling
    Swing Low Sweet Die Hard
    Die Hard, with a Smile
    Miracle Day, no one can Die Hard
    Die Hardly

  32. Amaze Pants!

    Can you get Bruce Willis’ autograph for me?

    Thanks!

    Sincerely,

    Brian.

  39. Clearly what’s happened here is they’ve gone back to Kevin Smith, and he said “No, get my buddy to do it instead. You know the guy from ‘Web Soup’?” “You mean Joel McHale? Sure, he’s cool.” And thus.

  40. Dearest Mr. Hardwick,

    Die Hard 5?

    I wish you the best of luck with that.

    Sincerely yours,
    -Di.

    This is why I <3 my husband:

    Roland: What's the plot of DH5? An alzheimer-riddled John McClaine accuses staff at his retirement home of stealing his medication and being a deep cover terrorist splinter cell?
    THE TWIST: They really are, and nobody believes him

    Me: Chris Hardwick is yet another relative of Han Gruber. This way we can play the flash backs from Die Hard 1 &3.
    We can totally write this movie.

    Roland: It practically writes itself!!

  41. (cont from last post)
    Memo from the “higher ups”: East Germany and Communists are about as dated as Ming the Merciless. Is there any way we can work islamic terrorists or at least North Korea into it?

    ***************************
    I should know better than to comment at work…anyways….

    Congrats Mr. Hardwick. Good luck.

    Thank-you,
    -Diane.

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