The 10 Worst People at Concerts
by Matt Grosinger on May 2, 2011
As one of your resident music nerds, I have taken the onus upon myself to frequent concerts in order to maintain my street cred. Now, I know what you’re thinking, but the life of a music blogger isn’t all fun and games. There exist several occupational hazards that can make the job risky business. Although hearing loss and sore quads are pretty rough, it turns out that your biggest threat at concerts are other people. So for the benefit of concertgoers everywhere, I have compiled a red-flag list of people to be wary of at shows.
- Screaming Bitches. Everyone hates you, all the time.
- Out-of-place Bros at Indie Shows “Yo dude, whats this sentimental bullshit? I thought Iron and Wine was going to be a weight lifting/binge drinking expo”
- Flash Mob Instigator. Flash Dance Party = most fun you ever had getting trampled.
- Passed Out Stranger on the Ground. Are you dead? I hope not, but I’m not going to check until after this song. I probably couldn’t differentiate between your pulse and the bass line anyway.
- The Tripping Hippie. Quick, play dead! Don’t imperil yourself by becoming part of his hallucination or buying his love beads!
- Your Friend’s Parents. It’s common knowledge that parents only like Randy Newman, so if you see them at a show, something is amiss. Tell them Antique Road Show was the night before and remove yourself from their vicinity
- Train of Fat n’ Tall Guys Being Conducted by a Short Girl. I didn’t come to the Tallest Man On Earth to actually get stuck behind the tallest man on earth. Having one short member in your party doesn’t give everyone a free pass to suck.
- Disgusting Couple Hooking Up. Who knew two people could combine so readily to create one repulsively amorphous love blob?
- Naked Guy at Outdoor Festivals. Your penis is horrible!!
- Everyone at a Lady Gaga Concert. By agreeing to take part in this event, you have forfeited your personal space and sexual preference. Plan accordingly.