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Sex Nerdist: Role-Play Fail

So I’m at work one day contemplating a future workshop on dirty talk. I flip through a bedroom role-playing deck to get some inspiration. I see familiar classics: The Teacher. Secretary. Nun. Inmate. Fireman. Bag Lady.

Bag Lady?

I whip the card around for suggested fantasy dialogue. My eyes dart around and lock onto this spectacular nugget:

“Mmm baby, slow down! You’re going to knock my sandwich right out of my hand.” Whaaa? I can still hear the tires screeching in my head.

Oh yeah! Nothing says back-alley-boink like a half-eaten sandwich. Smack that trashcan! Do it!

I can’t contain myself. I find my most trusted work spouse and have a golden moment. It’s too bizarre to contemplate alone. Not that playing Bag Lady and Dumpster Dave are bad fantasy roles. I say play how you please.

But this dialogue is just so AWKWARD. With further perusal, my disbelief deepens:

That’s right, friends. Start your night of passion right with a hearty, “Eee! Haar-bla-bar!!” (Can someone please make this into song?)

WIN

Good thing BETTER role-playing options exist for you naughty penguins out there. Like the delightful “Let’s Play Doctor!” game from Chronicle Books. They’ve got scenario suggestions! Pre-game Q&A’s! Even prop lists! Or enjoy a plunge into the bedside reader, “The Ultimate Guide to Sexual Fantasy” by Violet Blue. Plunge.

And best yet, if you’re a visual learner, check out the NSFW awesomeness that is Megasteakman Productions’ “Nerd Sex Tape.” My giggling was echoing through the courtyard by the end. Talk about a role-playing Win! (unless you’re the Boba Fett guy. In which case, next time, dude.) Again, probably NSFW:

(Via ShogunGamer.)

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