In Which I Reveal For The First Time My Greatest Irrational Childhood Fear
By Perry Michael Simon on December 6, 2010
Everyone’s frightened by different things. Some people are freaked out by horror movies, some by troll dolls, some by asparagus. (You know who you are) A lot of that is formed by childhood experience. Here’s mine.
This — and sorry for the poor video quality — is what used to freak me out when I was but a toddler:
Yes, I would run screaming from “My Favorite Martian.” Not the show itself, but the opening, the little animated saucer and the spaceman. The beeping alone would trigger some instinctive fear, and I’d go and find a pillow and bury my head in it until that little freak would just go away and leave me alone. I cannot describe the panic I would experience the moment that opening sequence started.
And then I’d come right back and watch the show. To this day, I have no clue why I couldn’t handle the cartoon credits, but would come back and watch Mr. Hand and Bruce Banner with no ill effects. There was nothing particularly terrifying about the show, or, of course, the credits, but until I was about ten years old, it was as if Leatherface had burst into the room wielding a DeWalt in full roar. I could not handle it.
More abject fear after the jump:
This also caused me much distress:
I did not like “My Three Sons“; That much is true. Uncle Charley, in particular, disturbed me, his odd haircut and strange relationship with the kids being beyond my toddler understanding other than the instinct that something was seriously askew in the Douglas household. But those grotesque tapping feet! That “Chopsticks”-based music! “CHANGE THE CHANNEL!,” I would yell, my sister preferring not to do so for the sheer entertainment value of watching me panic.
But I know I am not alone. You had YOUR irrational fear when you were little. Perhaps you still do. I’m not talking about the reflex that has you changing the channel the moment “Jersey Shore” comes on, but something that others see as benign or even cute that you see as the onset of the apocalypse. A lot of people were scarred for life by this:
See, that didn’t bother me at all. But there are websites devoted to the Screen Gems “S From Hell,” so if it gave you nightmares, you are not alone.
Share your phobia in the comments. Admitting that you cried for mommy every time “The Smurfs” came on is the first step in conquering that fear.