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Death Rattle

I bitch about my job sometimes. We all do. Life can get you down. Venting to friends, family, compatriots and confidants can help.

You know what else helps? Perspective. Mugger-floopin’ perspective.

With the possible exceptions of Lite Jazz and the tortured screams of dying unicorns, the nightmarish crescendo of whirring rattles heard in this video is perhaps the best example I’ve ever come across of the Soundtrack To A Poorly Chosen Career.

I mean, c’mon; take some night school classes and pursue a dream of yours that doesn’t involve death by angry snake swarms in the cold and spooky darkness.

Or, y’know, keep wrangling ornery venom-serpents for giggles and making Blair Witch accounts of your travails…y’crazyass darkness-plumbin’, headlamp-wearin’ Demon Hunter/walking adrenal gland of a person.

To each their own.


‘I can’t feel my legs. Think I peed myself a little. Need a bigger bucket’

Crow-Eating Editor’s Note: Glib internet tomfoolery aside, the creator of this video is…well…he’s kind of an A-1 Badass. Saving snakes and taking names. For more information, be sure to check out his site.

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11 comments

  • The video is a rush to watch. Thanks for that. However, instead of getting your kicks by shitting on others to try to make strangers laugh, you could just appreciate what’s been shared by a guy who’s actually doing something constructive, is probably enjoying the hell out of it, AND is sharing it with the rest of us.

  • Hi Shannon,

    I’m the guy that took the video, and I’ve got to say, you’ve got me really, really wrong. I actually got into the rattlesnake business because of a love of field herpetology and photography. I find rattlesnakes to be amazingly perfect predators, and they are fascinating to observe. Living in Phoenix, I saw an opportunity for a business that would that would be a humane alternative to the usual redneck-slaughter of the animals. I took this video for my own purposes … to show my wife, who’s interested in my adventures, and apparently YouTube liked it.

    I’m actually an educated, experienced graphic designer and contract Art Director. I own two businesses, and have built a life where I do exactly the same stuff I did when I was a kid … draw pictures and chase snakes around … but I get paid a lot for it now. It might be fun to make fun of me for it I guess, but I’d like to know how you ended up feeling the need to assume so much? Is the only way a person could do something that you wouldn’t do be due to ignorance and lack of motivation for a “better life”?

    I love my job. I created a business to work around my life passion. Who do you work for?

  • Hey Bryan,

    Cool video. Looks like the snakes were mostly pretty mellow about the whole thing except for the grumpy one who took a shot at you. What did he (she?) hit, by the way?

    Those were Western Diamondbacks, right?

  • Fry,

    They were really cold … the temperature inside the garage was in the low 60’s, which is well below their usual active temperature. Based on some discussion with herpetologists studying their metabolism, there seems to be separate mechanisms in place for the strike vs. activity, meaning a very slow, cold snake can still strike with the same speed as a warm, active one … but it might take a little more coaxing.

    The one that struck was sleeping, and that is a pretty typical reaction to waking a sleeping rattlesnake. It didn’t come close to hitting me … the small field of view of the camera made it look like I was much closer than I was. The strike was about a foot and a half, and I was about 5 feet away at the time.

    Yup, all Western Diamondbacks … the most common snake I see out here.

  • Bryan, that is awesome! I absolutely loved the video, as it was incredibly fun and fascinating to watch. I’m glad you’re humanely removing the snakes from people’s houses (something I noticed while watching the video, even before I saw your post about your passion for it)! Also, I’m freaking scared now that I know that rattlesnakes get into people’s houses in GA! I’m in Atlanta! Very awesome video.

  • Thanks Nathaniel. Don’t worry too much about the snakes getting into garages. I do catch them in there often, but usually after someone left the door open overnight or something. This home was way out in the Scottsdale hills and has been unoccupied for several months. It’s not something that the typical home owner needs to worry about in the least.

  • Gah! Blowback!

    Thanks very much Bryan for posting here and offering some further information and background. Much appreciated!

    I should say that everything in the above post is very much meant in jest. My sincere apologies if what was intended as facetious hyperbole just came off as insulting and mean. Cheap internet laughs that I will never hear in person fuel my cold, dark heart.

    But in all seriousness, I can’t imagine anyone who could earnestly muster any venom (sorry, couldn’t resist) or vitriol for what you are doing. I think it’s awesome that you are making a great living helping people like me (whose naughty bits shrivel up in abject terror at the sights and sounds presented above) and—more importantly— doing what you love.

    On behalf of desk jockeys and snarky internet blurb-posters everywhere, I salute you!

    Keep up the good work.

  • That video gave me the creeps just to watch, but it was also fascinating. It’s a bit of a shame that reading the post before watching the video gave it such a negative spin. Believe me, I’m grateful there are types out there who do more than sit behind a computer all day hoping that makes for an interesting and fulfilling work-life. But, as the author points out, to each their own. Cheers for that.

  • Shannon,

    Thank you for the response, and I totally understand you’re joking. This video has been ended up being a great opportunity out there in snarky blurbities everywhere to do a bit of education and dispel some of the myths that make people kill snakes as they see them. To that end, thank you very much for posting it on your site.

    I may also take up your suggestion for night school … I’d really love to learn how to speak Spanish. Buenos días!

  • @ Bryan Hughes
    I’m glad to see your sense of humor is so resilient. Having been a Gasco welder for five years, I got a lot of the “you must be an idiot” or “you must be crazy” comments when people found out my job entailed welding on live Natural Gas lines. Eventually, all I heard was: “wow, that’s some scary sh-t.”, no matter what they actually said.
    Your job = some scary sh-t. To most of us at least.
    Loves me some reptiles though, so thank you for keeping them around. And, thanks for being a great example of grace.
    Buenos tardes.