Win/Win/Fail, Episode III: Tractor Beams and Pokemon Freaks
by A Real Person on September 14, 2010
Put on your game face, strap on your pads, and lock your grandmother in the shed…it’s time for Win/Win/Fail!
WIN: Laser Tractor Beams
Don’t you hate it when you’re chasing a pesky Rebel ship and they won’t just surrender already so you can take them on board and introduce them to Dr. Ball? No? Well how about when you’re out of toilet paper and all the rolls are in the closet wayyyyy over there? Well, there’s no need to get up, and you won’t even need the force, because the Aussies have figured out tractor beams, people!
Australian researchers have found a way to move particles of glass distances of at least 5 feet using laser beams. It works by centering the small object within a hollow laser beam, which heats the air surrounding the object and keeps it steady. Changes in heat behind the object can then move it along the beam. Of course, to move anything large would take one hell of a laser.
WIN: Pokemon Fusion
This clever bit of code allows you to be some kind of crazy scientist and fuse two Pokemon together to see what their love-child would look like. Mix pretty much anything with Pikachu to get a cuteness overload, or see what kind of monstrosity you can come up with. Like this:
MY GOD WHAT IS THAT THING?!
FAIL: Treadway Motorized Shoes
Hey, you know what I’m just sick and tired of? WALKING. All that incessant muscle use. It’s got me on my last nerve. What? Wheelie shoes? Fuck that, I’d still have to get a running start with those things. No, what I need is a shoe with a motorized treadmill on the heel so I don’t have to walk from my car to the front door any more. I mean, what is this, the stone age? I DEMAND AUTOMATION. And can we PLEASE invent a robot that will shovel food into my mouth?