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Nerd Rage

Fads happen, styles appear, colloquialisms manifest. I’m aware that they’re a cultural and social phenomenon and pissing and moaning about them on my part would be an exercise in uselessness. However, trends also have a tendency to overstay their welcome and I’ve taken it upon myself to address some gems from nerd culture I personally find the most irritating and say “That’s enough.”

That’s enough, “Epic.”
I’m really tired of people using the word “epic” to describe everything even if it doesn’t make fit the situation. Epic literally means: something pertaining to a long poetic composition, something heroic or majestic, or something of unusually great size or extent. Got it, gamers? That’s fucking it. It does not have anything to do with whether something is of high quality nor does it pertain to your opinion of said quality. I asked a friend when “Watchmen” came out what he thought of it and he said “Oh, man, it was epic,” to which I replied, “Oh yeah, did you like it?” and he said “Yeah, man, it was pretty epic.” What does that mean? That you only like long movies? That’s not an acceptable answer. “It was epic” does not mean “Yes, I really enjoyed it.” I don’t care if it’s what people say in gaming circles, it ain’t fucking correct. I’m not saying the word epic doesn’t apply, but for Christ sake get a thesaurus. Not all movies are epic. Not all anything is epic. Unless you’re referring to “The Iliad,” or WWII, let’s just agree to stop using it.

That’s enough, “LOL.”
I could attack text speak in its entirety, like how insipid it is to put numbers in words for abbreviation’s sake (“B4 we go 2 the movie…”), but I will limit my rage to the biggest offender of them all: Laughing out loud. Overused to the point of ridiculousness. No one laughs out loud as much as people claim to via text. In fact, if someone ever actually does laugh out loud, they have to say that explicitly so we know it’s really happening. Just say “haha,” but know they aren’t the same. If something is particularly funny, do not type “lolololololol.” It is not the same as “hahahahaha.” You cannot laugh out loud out loud out loud out loud. There is not an infinite amount of “out-loud” that one can laugh. And for the love of Elrond’s ass, stop using LOL in place of a period. Whether you’re serious or not, if you laugh out loud at the end of your own sentence, you’re a psychopath.

That’s enough, Steve Jobs.
Not everything Apple comes out with warrants a theater full of press and a projection screen the size of Delaware. Stop acting like you’ve cured cancer every few months. You’re making phones. I’m very impressed, it’s a very large interface, now if you could make it so I don’t lose service in a slight breeze I’d start to give a crap. And, by the bye, that smugness app is working like a charm. And turtle necks are lame.

That’s enough, 3D
Not every movie that comes out needs to be in 3D. The last movie I saw in 3D that I actually appreciated for its three-dimensionality was Coraline. Even Avatar, which I will admit had gorgeous 3D effects, grew tiresome halfway through. What’s the draw? Do people really think they’re part of the film and not sitting in a chair with big, uncomfortable, plastic goggles strapped to their mugs? Cuz I’m well aware of it the whole time. Never once have I run screaming from the theater when a giant monster appears, nor do I wonder why giant people are having hair tendril sex in front of me. It’s a Goddamned movie! Even if a shot looks particularly amazing, I still think, “Oh, that’s a nice 3D shot,” thus removing myself from the story. And now it seems every movie that’s coming out is in 3D. Why would you make the last Harry Potter in 3D when none of the previous entries are? Uniformity, please. Don’t they know what happened to Friday the 13th pt 3? Every time a trailer comes out that ends with “in 3D!” it’s like a sign post that says, “Kyle, don’t see this movie!” And what the hell is the deal with those trailers proclaiming, “In 3D, also available in 2D.” Like 2D hasn’t been the standard movie dimension since Melies. I think there are a few to many Ds in Hollywood.

That’s enough, “Save a tree.”
When I’m not Nerdisting, I work in a bookstore and like any store in the world, we offer bags to carry home your shit. Now, I don’t care whether or not you want a bag. I’m perfectly happy to not give you a bag, in fact it’s why I asked. I don’t need to know why you don’t want a bag. Stop telling me you’re saving a tree. Plastic does not come from trees. And stop saying, “Save a plastic tree,” that just means you’re a moron. The only reason to tell someone you’re saving a tree is to make them feel bad about asking you (I don’t give two shits) and to make yourself feel better for pretending to save the environment. Good for you, ma’am, you’ve saved a tree. Now you can hold your head up high as you walk in your cow hide leather shoes to your Cadillac Escalade which gets about 13 feet to the gallon and put on your animal-tested makeup. You’re like a one-woman Green Peace.

That’s enough, vampires
You stop being cool when Buffy went off the air. The word “monster” no longer applies to you. Someone with super-coiffed hair who whines about not being able to love and looks unhappy all the time despite their expensive wardrobe is not a monster as I understand the word. In fact, the word that best describes these attributes is “vagina.” The show should be called “The Vagina Diaries” so at least people know what they’re getting. Plus, vampires don’t keep diaries, they rip out throats. And they don’t fucking sparkle. Or use hair gel. In fact, I don’t even know what they do anymore and it’s all you vaginas’ fault. Just go away.

That’s enough, Kyle Anderson.

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53 comments

  • @Double R:
    Douche does not make vaginas “nicer.” In fact they can contribute to or even cause serious infections including candidaisis, bacterial vaginosis and pelvic inflammatory disease. Vaginas are quite capable of cleaning themselves and need no assistance.
    That’s enough, douche industry.
    Fuck Twilight, fuck Buffy for that matter.
    As for nerd being an all inclusive term, there was a time when I was harassed on a daily basis for being a nerd. I bear these scars proudly and I challenge the sentiment that anyone can be a nerd because they have some obsession with aspects of nerd culture.
    So fuck nerd being applicable to everyone. LAMBDA LAMBDA LAMBDA!!!

  • Regarding the use of the word ‘vagina’ as an insult: We have enough suitable vaginal insults already. We have pussy (when someone is being cowardly) twat (when someone is being dense) and cunt (when someone is being mean.

    Usage: Quit being such a pussy about calling someone a twat. Everyone knows you’re a cunt anyway.

    This reminds me:

    That’s enough, “Douchebag”.

    Find another pejorative to describe someone with an overinflated sense of self, or likes to wear flashy clothes. When used properly, a douchebag gets to be used inside of a vagina to rinse it out and make it nicer. Why attribute that word to someone you believe should never be allowed inside of vaginas?

    As for ‘Epic’, ‘Epic Win’ and ‘Epic Fail’ should be included. There is nothing ‘epic’ about most of the embarrassing accidents that are featured on AOTS ‘Epic Fail’ Segment at the end of the show.

    Being unable to nail a pool back flip is a failure, but it is not an ‘epic’ one. (and you should tell Mr. Hardwick that should Web Soup resume production, that This Week in Fail should be retitled This Week in Failure. FAIL by itself is being overused and it’s grammatically incorrect).

    That’s enough Double R.

  • author

    @ Monkeys and everyone else
    The one thing I love the most about nerd culture is that anyone can be a nerd in one way or another. It’s all-inclusive and welcoming. It’s certainly not up to any of us to validate someone else’s nerd status, least of all someone with a website that we all like to visit and has things that interest us, as well as allow us the opportunity to have good-humored debates and disagreements about said things. I’m a nerd, you’re a nerd, Chris is a nerd, we’re all damn nerds. So let’s just go back to arguing over the ending of LOST or which smart phone is best.

    Vagina vagina vagina

  • @ Monkeys ouch

    Some i agree with some i dont, who gives 2 shits if u abbreviate while typing, if you were my english teacher maybe i would begin to care what people think about my dialogue, untill then as long as i get my point across… sweet.

    Vampires…. OMFG what happend to vampires? can we have the bloodsucking lunatics back plz? (that one movie about that little girl who is a vampire looks sick though)

  • How about that’s enough sycophantic and generally trendy people claiming geek/nerd status just because they desire a label that is easy to claim, attracts a large fan base, and requires nothing more than watching a bunch of sci-fi shows and going to ComicCon? That’s also just for Chris.

  • Whether you’re serious or not, if you laugh out loud at the end of your own sentence, you’re a psychopath.

    I appreciate the placement of Mr. Jobs after the word psychopath. That made me chuckle.

    Also, Kyle? Quit being a crotchety old man.

  • ITT; People complaining about things that don’t matter, what’s new? Might as well join in.

    (Early note for morons; I did not miss that this was meant to be funny, that was not lost on me. If you think it was… then I say to you sir, no. Obviously, it was lost on you.)

    When something is epic, it is that person’s opinion that, that thing has the quality of having an unusually large amount of win in it/around it/about it/ect…

    Win: A quality used to describe something that is, in an individual’s opinion, of great worth or is simply extremely entertaining/fun/mindblowing/ect…

    It’s the same thing as awesome…

    It makes perfect sense, words change as time goes on, stop being old and crotchety I’m defending it and I don’t even say it.

    That’s Enough, Looking for Attention Online
    It’s the same thing as calling someone a vagina… what, that doesn’t even mean anything, what do you mean by that? I thought most people generally thought of vaginas in a positive light… even people who don’t use them? Did you have a bad experience with vaginas and are you now connecting those negative emotions and memories to the word when you use it like that? Why be ironic about vagina, sir? Stop not using the dictionary given definition of every word. Why do you need to appear intelligent and witty to people you don’t know? Why do I? I don’t, but it is epic (just this once for the sake of this post) to mess with people online, lol.

    LOL: A chuckle is still a laugh… we all have chuckled when taking part in an entertaining and fun conversation…I tend to use “heh”, “Hehe”, or if implying a more… idunno (uh-oh, idunno isn’t a real word, I’m in trouble aren’t I?), loud or surprised or obstinate or whatever short sorta laugh, “Hah!” “He didn’t see it coming, hehe.” SAME THING AS, “He didn’t see it coming, lol.” Some people, as in, most everyone, even chuckle at the beginning of their sentences in real life because it is a reaction to whatever was just said before them… “Hehe, yeah, he didn’t see it coming.” SAME THING AS ,”Lol, he didn’t see it coming.”
    Hell, I don’t even use lol for, “laugh out loud”now, I and most people I see use it tend to use it to simply show enjoyment of something, generally a situation and/or things to that effect.
    for example, like this;
    #1 : “Wow… we just walked in a got wiped without a struggle.
    #2 : “lol”
    He was killed as well, and is showing that he is amused at how easily they all were beaten or that that situation was such a surprise he simply could not be upset about it. Could’ve used “heh”, “hehe”, “hah”, “haha”, “wow indeed”, ect, ect, ect… they all mean the same.

    Fuck Steve Jobs with a barbed wire dildo

    You like magic shows, don’t you? Even if you don’t, you know people as a whole generally do, right (Or are you that detached from real life)? Even if you know how to do the trick, you will generally like seeing it done for entertainment value? Now, are you willing to pay for that entertainment? A lot of people are, because they like being entertained (I’m sure you’re thinking, “God, really? People enjoy entertainment?”). People who make the magic tricks and put on the shows either love what they do or love money, either way, it doesn’t matter. Different thing now… SPORTS… some people like sports, I don’t, I dislike them quite a bit. I even, without true reason, hate people who like them a shit ton and that are really zealous about them. People still pay for the mindless, useless, moronic junk… same thing as 3D, whether it is a fad or not, just shut up and don’t go to them or spend money on them and you will be helping in the effort to rid the world of them. Probably won’t make a difference though.

    No one is perfect, even environmentalists, ignore them, why get angry about it? Why not enlighten the people who say save a plastic tree? Put this link on a bunch of crads if it bothers you so much and hand it out to each person who says it… http://www.planete-energies.com/content/features/plastics/origine.html
    How about instead of complaining, you try to spread some damn knowledge, someone might learn something, and that is better for everyone… maybe they’ll tell someone about it and that is yet another person who won’t say something you find stupid.

    Nothing, nothing at all is wrong with your last one, nor am I willing to feign angry disagreeably with it. Vampires murder, kill, swindle, steal, rape, pillage, and other mostly bad things. Even if they don’t want to, they tend to do it because it is their nature, what happened to that? The people who are making vampire stories these days never played a good game of Vampire: The Masquerade and took it as a fun game (screw people who take them too seriously). Also, these books have one of my nieces believing that vampires are 100% real, and not in a bad way… which should be the only way they are perceived as if they were to be real, damnit.

    That’s Enough, Me entertaining myself and maybe some other people, and who knows, maybe an OP with a good sense of humor.

    P.S. That’s Enough, “…”

  • Stop being vaginas about the negative use of “vagina” – nobody complains about “penis” or “dick” being used as an insult.

    Get over it… It was said in fun.

  • To vent my own nerd spleen: usage and meaning are inextricably tied together. If enough people come to use a word one way and are understood, then, voila!, that’s what the word means!

    “Deprecate” used to mean to pray against, but it doesn’t anymore because no one uses it that way. “Nauseous” used to mean provoking nausea, now it also means to experience nausea–and it’s usually perfectly clear in context which is the intended usage. “Raise” used to be correct only for crops, never for children. Give up prescriptivist usage, and you’ll enjoy language a lot more.

  • It’s not your fault, but from now on I’ve even had enough with people complaining about there being too much vampire stuff. Ok, it’s pretty out of control right now, but you could argue that society’s had regular waves of massive vampire mania since at least 1897. As long as there are teenage girls there will be vampire stories. And for Buffy alone I guess it’s worth it.

  • Dude, you just summed up my world view. To quote Earl Pitts: “Wake up America!”

    Some of you will get that reference, some won’t. Just take it at face value that it was true 30 years ago and the planet needs a wake up call.

  • Disagree with every point except the last. When you have a list of complaints like this about popular culture, it’s best to say “that’s enough” to yourself /first/. Otherwise, you end up shaking your metaphorical cane at those kids on your metaphorical lawn.

  • I’m with you 100% on everything except vampires. I still dig the violent, bloodthirsty monster types, like in that book that GDT and Chuck Hogan did, The Strain. Those are some good and violent killers.

    I agree with you 200% on LOL. That shit got old a long while back.

  • Great post! Completely agree with all points, especially about using ‘LOL’. I made a conscious decision about 8 years ago to never use it again; my life is better for it.

    Also, despite the fact that I understand some commenters’ disapproval of your use of ‘vagina’, I was amused by it.

  • I only agree with the 3D comment, I’m getting tired of things being advertised as 3D, when they just vajazzled up a couple of scenes in order to squeeze a few extra bucks out of the audience. Not to mention, 3D glass on top of regular glasses makes me feel like a bigger dork than usual.

    Epic, on the other hand, is a perfectly cromulent word with which to describe things.

  • Kyle this was a seriously kick ass post and as much as I don’t want to say I’m guilty of some of the points listed.. I think you’re dead on with all of them. Especially Jobs, for fuck’s sake I love the iphone and ipad but seriously you’re a type A dickhead that can drive a product line but has about as much customer service skill as the slop guy in a prison cafeteria.

  • I know it’s not “cool” or “phat” or “dope” to refer to something that is “awesome” with the aforementioned words, but something that is not a historical poem or a film with a cast of thousands or something that takes place over decades, is not “epic” nor epic.

    Vampires stopped being cool when they were turned into repositories of Mormon theology in books written by a woman with a self-confessed complete disinterest or knowledge in horror and vampire and werewolf folklore, and aimed them at tweens.

  • I agree with everything except LoLing. It’s not that I don’t hate the way it has turned into a comma instead of a thought, it’s that I don’t know what to replace it with. Unfortunately my social life requires that I spend a fair amount of time texting with idiots, and without the LoL, they tend to not know when I’m kidding.

    Oh, verbing words or phrases like turning lol into “loling” or verb into “verbing,” I hate it when people do that ;)

  • “And they don’t fucking sparkle”

    YES! Loved it all! I could honestly give two flips about vaginas being used as a negative term because I’m waaay too used to throwing it out there myself. Keep it up, man.

  • A lot of what you said is true, but you missed one: those who think poor spelling and grammar are the “in thing”… you know those people, the ones on their Facebook page, oh wait… “there Facebook page” saying that their vacations… oops, I mean “there vacations” were great and you should visit there… DOH! I mean “visit their”.

    I’m sorry, but these things should have been taught by third grade English at the very latest: the difference between there (indicating a location), their (indicating ownership) and they’re (a shortened form of “they are”). Please use words in the proper context, and use the correct words; it makes the message come across more easily instead of my having to sit and decipher what the freaking hell you are trying to say. Yeah, I’m a grammar snob in that respect, but sometimes you have to be just to make sense of anything some people type.

  • Baby! You made me laugh out loud so many times! Look I may be a fool but the last “epic” movie I saw was (thank u HBO) the one about Bob Dylan named “you don’t see me” WOW! Baby! Still, I was LOL when you talked about Steve Jobs and the whole Apple scene…I still remember I think a RS article from many moons past as “apple: rotten to the core” ‘course that was about The Beatles thye closest society ever really got to curing cancer! Just stp me now..I beg of you..Dude! You’re the man!

  • nice………………(if you are waiting for more your sadly mistaken.)………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….,……………………………………………..,…………………………………..

  • I grew very tired of the word “epic” two years ago when a teenager who used to go to my best friend’s store said that about everything he liked. Two weeks straight of that and I wanted to duct tape his mouth shut.

    All Steve Jobs has done is make me decide to buy a Droid phone instead.

    And I agree about the 3D fad. I go see a movie because I think its plot sounds interesting, not because I have a need to wear special glasses to watch it right.

    And all the fuss over vampires has almost made me embarassed to admit I’m a fan of Hellsing. Also, Twilight and The Vampire Diaries should go away for good.

    Finally, I think you forgot one word you should’ve added to your list: “REBOOT”. Can I get a hell yeah?

  • So “Someone with super-coiffed hair who whines about not being able to love and looks unhappy all the time despite their expensive wardrobe” is a vagina? Wow. That’s about as offensive as calling something you don’t like “gay.”

  • To be fair, Angel and Spike were both using liberal amounts of hair product.

    Additionally, I would contend that there’s nothing weak or non-awesome about vaginas. Were the sparkly creatures of the night that pass as vampires these days, in fact, actually vaginas, they’d be infinitely more awesome. Then again, maybe you hate vaginas as much as you hate sparkly vampires and that’s why you use vaginas as a linguistic placeholder for things that suck. To each their own, but perhaps that’s enough, pejorative use of vagina.

  • All I have to say is GUFFAW and gigglesnort!

    There wasn’t a single thing for me to disagree with. There are many things to cause me to have nerd rage. However, I am too busy laughing my ass off (really am) to think of any at this moment in time. (Really, honestly, if I type LOL, it is because I’m actually laughing. I LOATHE when people type it just for the sake of typing it!)

    Favourite lines: “for the love of Elrond’s ass”, and “In fact, the word that best describes these attributes is “vagina.”

    Very well said.

  • That’s enough, complaining about obvious, easy things.

    Seriously, these kinds of posts are my least favorite. I prefer virtually all of the things complained about in this post to the tone struck therein.