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Nerdist was started by Chris Hardwick and has grown to be a many headed beast.

Watch New Web Soup Tonight!

by on May 5, 2010

A dolphin is a wet mammal that you can hug. Only very occasionally will they try to rape you. If you think of a dolphin like a dog, then a human is really just a large screaming leg.

Watch an all new Web Soup tonight at 5p/8p ET/PT immediately following Attack of the Show!

SPOILER ALERT: Some people get violated by dolphins on tonight’s show. Also, two words: PLACENTA BBQ. And if for no other reason, watch my voice give out throughout the show as I slide into laryngitis from a cold I got in Indiana last weekend. I’m literally squeaking by the end of the show. Which is probably why that dolphin tried to bone me. No cetacean court in the world would convict him because my high pitched squeaks and chirps, at least in dolphin, were asking for it but good!

 
31 comments read them below or add one

  2. Oh, Hardwick, three topless photos in just a few months. I don’t think we can stand all this beefcake :D

  3. I thought the laryngitis was from the repeated dolphin rape…go figure.

  4. LOL! Just reading this post makes me want to watch the show!! *I always watch, anyway, but this is a good pitch, Chris* Can’t wait!!

  5. It looks a bit like you’re hugging one of the worms from Tremors. And I’m sure there’s a fetish website dedicated to that somewhere. Oh, internet.

  6. Sorry about the cold but you made fun of me right at the start of the show for having my hand over my mouth.Good thing you didnt eat those nachos my wife offered you!

  10. Wow Chris you are very intouch with your inner 13 yr old girl. Squeeing over tiny ponies, rainbow unicorn items, and now dolphin hugging. Good job not letting any of that pesky testosterone get in the way of your fun. :)

    (note although it may seem, this was in no way sarcasm)

  11. Danielle, I’m thinking that the line, “…this was in no way sarcasm”, is physically impossible to say WITHOUT sarcasm. Wait, herein lies the irony. Or is that sardonic? SEMANTIC ERROR. MUST REBOOT.

    OK, you win.

  12. I can die now. :) I really enjoyed the Soup last nite! On that note…make sure you get some for yourself. Thanks for being funny.

  17. the next morning the dolphin woke up and told the cop he remembers some thing soft and flesy in his blowhole…it later was know that it was Chris Harddick

  18. ohhh and great job on tonights show your right they were too sexy
    on that note i really hope your laryingitis moves from you to your ex wife barbera aka killbox

  19. Have you seen The Cove? If not, watching it will change your views about dolphins.

  20. Chris, I’m a big fan and have been following you for some time now, but don’t support dolphins in captivity. Please watch the doc “the cove”.

  21. Chris, loved the show, as usual! I din’t think your voice was too bad. But seriously, Placenta BBQ? That might very well be the most digusting thing I have ever seen!! Do people really do that?????? Kepp up the great job, I look forward to Wednesdays now!

  22. Nice dr who reference! Dr Who rules! What do you think about Matt Smith so far?
    Exterminate!
    Deanna

  23. With that facial expression, I bet the dolphin is already trying to rape you. lol

  25. Havent you ever seen King of the Hill. Hank gets raped by a dolphin. It starts out with the dolphin hugging you but then later he slips roofies in the water and takes you under and has his way with you..

  26. Hardwick, you are in luck! My dolphin costume just came back from the cleaners!

  27. i don’t know what’s worse, dolphins raping people or watching Elizabeth Hasselbeck criticize Erin Andrews and then apologizes later, while crying……….all i can say it, “No You Did-n’t”

  30. im glad a dolphin didnt rape me but i did have one land on my head this past summer. in mexico. knocked me the hell out.

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