Heinz Technology Brings Mobile Ketchup Into The 21st Century


GONE are the days when a diminutive ketchup slit merely weeps globs of the tomato-ey condiment onto a plastic sleeve that in turn becomes a shitty, makeshift spreading mechanism. FINALLY the Heinz Illuminati will soon usher in an Elizabethan Age of Mobile Ketchup onto our fries and hearts. And an additional wisp of packet sorcery seems to allow fattening humans the ability to either “clip it” or “dip it.”

Oh, what a time to be alive!!!

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