“Tiger Woods” by Dan Bern (NSFW)
by Chris Hardwick on December 7, 2009
Apparently there’s some kind of Tiger Woods scandal or other going on. I’m not really sure. The media outlets seem to be shy about covering it. In any case, it seems like a good time to remind people of one of my favorite songs “Tiger Woods” by Dan Bern.
I have genuinely loved this song for over a decade. The concept of “going down on Madonna too soon” as a metaphor for peaking early in life is wickedly genius. “Tiger Woods” is from the 1998 Ani DiFranco-produced album “Fifty Eggs,” which is currently out of print but available on iTunes.
BTW, if you’re a rowdy celebrity now’s a really good time to act up: do a Redwood-sized pile of blow at a church or dump a model in the Angeles National Forest—as long as Tiger-banging ladies keep coming forward you’ll probably be able to skate right under the press’s radar.
That is epic Chris. I can see it now… actors across the world doing blow in the middle of church? That would be so funny.
Lost me to shallow scoffing chuckles at “big as wheels on tractors.”
you know he had no regards for his wife or children.who now have to live with the shame this man has brought to them .we need to stop making excuse for people like him who are nothing but what men always call women who sleep with anything.he is just a male slut.sorry to your wife and kids my sympathy goes out to you and hismom.
A Redwood-sized pile of blow would be virtually impossible to fit inside almost any church, let alone transport by yourself.
In fact, Tiger Woods should do that huge pile of blow in a church. Frankly, the bad press he’s getting simply can get any worse.
Hey Chris!
I saw you and Mike at the Aladdin in Portland the other night– one of the best comedy shows I’ve ever seen! You know those “My cheeks hurt from laughing” nights? Yeah, it was one of those.
And I’m so psyched that you’ve posted this song– Dan Bern is amazing, and more people should know about him. His lyrics are inspired, and I love how he’s unafraid to be absurd and yet it doesn’t take away from the song (which is what happens in the hands of most artists), but somehow turns it into a very personal poetry.
Love Dan Bern!
Love Hard ‘n Phirm!
Rock on!