My best friend Mike Phirman has co-produced the above-referenced human, Milo. While taking a picture with tiny Milo, Mike said, “Pretend you’ve gone back in time and you’re trying to convince me to join Hard ‘n Phirm.” For some reason I went with an argumentative approach. In my opinion, the bit still works because as Phirm says about the infant, “He’s the perfect straight-man.”
Surely you nerds can come up with a more suitable caption about whatever you think is going on here, so drop it in the “Comments” section! First prize will be selected by Mr. Phirman himself and will be awarded a $50 gift card to the 2-dimensional jukebox known as “iTunes.” Deadline for entries is Monday night at midnight PT. Remember, though, this is Mike’s favorite baby in the whole world so anything too offensive will be plucked out like a greasy nose hair.
Caption away!
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Joel said if I got him a baby then I could host The Soup!
Milo – “Dude…I really hate you right now….”
Chris – “I told you, this is ‘Things You Cant Un-see’ Whaddya want from me?!”
Milo – “I still hate you…”
Dude, why did you kidnap Ryan Seacrest! How much do you think we can get for him?
…and it was at that moment that Milo decided he never, ever wanted to go into the entertainment industry…and that he would sue this d-bag for fondling his ass.
Chris and Milo’s reaction to “2 girls 1 cup.”
“Yeah I get that it was a gift, but come on! It looks like he’s just escaped from a Leprechaun Prison!”
OH C’MON! I know everyone loves the Jesus Phone, Apple, but this new version is ridiculous. We wanted tethering, not teething.
“What? I AM the father? Fuck you, Maury!”
Really honey, when I said” Show me you love me!” , I was thinking more along the lines of a BJ or lasagna!
Where’s the pressure relief valve on this thing?
“Nobody puts baby in the corner!”
hey!!! I thoght i told u i wanted a PS3 for christmas. What the hell is this!!!?????
Whoa! Just how much asparagus has your mother been eating?
“You idiot! I told you that I wanted scabies!”
Dammit man! He’ll play an African baby from South Korea… and thats final!!
[armenianaccent]“You take baby! Is good baby! You take!”[/armenianaccent]
” WHAT DO YOU MEAN THE WARRANTY IS UP!”
Dammit man! Tiny Milo will play an African baby from South Korea… and thats final!!
Chris: c’mon baby! don’t look at me like that. Its all his fault…
Dude, are you crazy, have you lost you’re ever lovin’ mind!! How could you hire this guy, he is tiny. He can’t even talk. Uh…?Wha…?
I am fired?…A younger demo. You know what F-U!!
“A baby! Oooooh, But I was going into Tosche Station to pick up some power converters!”
Want to know when you’re baby is going to take a shit? There’s an App for that.
Want to know when YOUR baby is going to take a shit? There’s an App for that.
Damn you Vader! I told you the lightsaber is NOT a toy! Now give me my baby’s right hand back RIGHT NOW!
1. AOTS: This week in gadget pron: babies!
2. Websoup: The ultimate palette cleanser
3. Singledout: OK Milo, in the sack, should she be hot and heavy or light and creamy?
I said Pin Stripes! These stripes make him look Short!
what do you mean I can’t eat it?!?!?!
Dude, your wife just crapped in my lap. Uncool.
Are you crying? Are you crying? ARE YOU CRYING? There’s no crying! THERE’S NO CRYING IN COMEDY!
Baby: What the fuck is he so mad about, I’m the one with sit in my pants.
**edit** shit in my pants.
Ok for the last time it’s 3.141592653589793238462643383279502884197169399375105820974944592307816406286208998628034825342117067982148086513282306647093844609550582231725359408128481 Not 3.141592653589793238462643383279502884197169399375105820974944592307816406286208998628034825342117067982148086513282306647093844609550582231725359408128418 serously it’s not that hard.
You’re the one that maxed out the credit cards. I’m telling you, Madonna will pay top dollar for this one. Besides, we can always make a new one.
***final edit***
And Milo thought to himself, “what is he so mad about? I am the one with shit in my pants!”
Chris: “By your powers combined…I AM CAPTAIN PLANET!!”
Milo: “More like captain nerd…..I mean when you speak to me why do you say @milo? I DON’T GET IT!”
“What do you mean I can’t sell babies? Where am I going to get money?”
Whaaaaaat?! Do we really have to sacrifise the baby to apple & at&t because they finally gave us MMS?!
“I don’t know! McHale said something about “Seacrest getting too big for him to handle..” and he just handed him to me!
I specifically told you NOT to take all the pills at once, but did you listen to me? NO…! And now you’re a baby! And that’s great. No more fountain of youth pills for ANYONE else. THANKS!
“Look at how FIRM this kid is, dammit Phirm! I wish you’d get off my back with all the, ‘carefuls’ & ‘babies are fragile’ & the ‘you’ve gotta SUPPORT their necks’! Have you ever seen a ‘firmer’ Phirm?”
“GROSS! THIS came out of WHERE??”
So if this is Elora Danon and you’re Madmartigan, who does that make me? Aww C’mon! I’m not THAT small!
“What do you MEAN Angelina won’t take him because he is white!?!?”
Come on! Are you serious?! Look at these legs! He’s got star wide receiver written all over him!
Chris: …and that’s how babies are born.
Milo: No…no, it’s not! I was THERE, man! (meekly) i was there.
I did not STEAL a baby!! I “kidnapped”. Phirm wont miss the darn thing anyway he’s too caught up with his “special” time he has everyday with his photo of stan lee holding an iphone in the nude… Strange I know
What? His first words were “musical comedians are lame!” What?
I thought we were getting a Blu-ray player!
It’s going to be great! I make a well-place & timly, but a little self depracating joke…then the audiance looks to you next, for more, to really put a cap on the joke I just laid the ground work for…but the punchline is going to be when the audiance looks to you for a rebutle…you just look all “baby-like”…and have a goofy grin like you’re about to poop your pants or something. This is going to be comedy gold.
” This just PROVES my theory that all babies look like Winston Churchill”
” So I was all like..and he was all like..and I was like whatevs”
milo is thinking: “just need to squeeze one out on this nerd”
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