NERDIST PHOTO CAPTION CONTEST:
Phirm’s Baby
by Chris Hardwick on September 25, 2009
My best friend Mike Phirman has co-produced the above-referenced human, Milo. While taking a picture with tiny Milo, Mike said, “Pretend you’ve gone back in time and you’re trying to convince me to join Hard ‘n Phirm.” For some reason I went with an argumentative approach. In my opinion, the bit still works because as Phirm says about the infant, “He’s the perfect straight-man.”
Surely you nerds can come up with a more suitable caption about whatever you think is going on here, so drop it in the “Comments” section! First prize will be selected by Mr. Phirman himself and will be awarded a $50 gift card to the 2-dimensional jukebox known as “iTunes.” Deadline for entries is Monday night at midnight PT. Remember, though, this is Mike’s favorite baby in the whole world so anything too offensive will be plucked out like a greasy nose hair.
Caption away!
“OH COMMON!!! ITS NOT EVEN MOVIE QUALITY!!!” “…does it at least transform?”
Wait! I CAN’T use Milo to go pick up some ladies then what was the point of handing him to me!
Chris: “I’M ACTING HERE, KID!”
Milo: “So THIS is what Christian Bale looks like during an on set freak out…I want my mommy.”
1) It’s Like Cutting In Line In Front Of Italians
2) Are You SERIOUS WOMAN…. It’s SUNDAY!!!
3) Did You Switch Beers On Me Woman. Something Feels Different?!?!?!?
Having had the designation of being the first real-live child entrusted with Chris Hardwick, Milo recoils faster than Sea World Dolphins after Paris Hilton climbs in the tank.
oh wow, i made a big caption took me while to make it look nice in photoshop with the font and whatnot, turns out i only need to type the caption here …. here goes!
” I fed it loads of red mushrooms, why wont it grow up?”
Whoa! They can’t just CANCEL “Megan Wants a Millionaire”… bullshit!
“what the fuck do you mean there’s no ketchup?”
“Damn it, he is hung better than I am!!”
“WHAT YOU NEVER HEARD OF MILO?…..its the baby that made poop in less then twelve parsecs.” -.-
OMG! Seriously! Smell my hand!
Uncle Chris: “I DON’T MEAN TO YELL, BUT ALL I’M SAYING IS THIS…WHY, IN A WORLD FULL OF POVERTY AND WAR, IS THE F-WORD SUCH A PROBLEM? HUH?”
Milo: “Man…sounds outside the womb really are SO much louder. My tiny baby head is killing me!”
Nerdist opera is but one of the trials that await you at Sesame Street Prison.
Okay this is my last one
Chris: “Milo try it with me……COBRA!!! LALALALA!!!
Milo: “……”
no, simba…HIS NAME IS SIMBA DAMNIT!
Dude, when you asked if I wanted to play with Milo, I thought you were talking about Project Natal.
Look, you knew the deal. In exchange for medium internet notoriety, I get your first born… Now stop crying & paint a pentagram on the floor.
You kid is missing his right hand, Phirm! IT’S FREAKING ME OUT!!! No, it’s not cool, like Luke Skywalker. GROW UP!!!
The debate as to who is and who is not allowed to crap their pants has gone on much too long.
“Wait, so these are the types of conversations that go on when I’m napping?” – Baby
Baby: “Isnt that the guy Maxim thought was dead?”
Will someone get this adult away from me, he’s throwing another tantrum.
Mr Mom’s Monday Night Football
I only dropped the kid once, man, he looks fine!
Aw man! What are you feeding this baby, skunk?
Ugh! NO Mike. When you handed me Milo, he was *already* missing a hand. Geezus. Calm down and check under the couch cushions.
Yo Milo, I’m really happy for you, I’ll let you finish, but Chris Hardwick was the cutest baby of all time.
I don’t care what you say, that smell ain’t roses!
I say I wanted to see a rapping vid – not a crapping kid!! SRSLY!!
What’s that smell? What? It wasn’t me! I swear!
I’m sorry I cut his right hand off! I thought he’d grow a new one, like with baby teeth. Anyway, check out this sweet iPod case I made out of his hand skin!
So it’s okay when Milo poops his pants…but when *I* do it, it’s ‘WRONG’. I say good day, sir.
“You want me to pay you how much for this baby?!?! No way man, it’s not even black!”
“I don’t wanna hold this shit!”
“ohmygod, what?! ‘The Aristocrats’?! WTF Milo… you know I can’t just UNIMAGINE that shit!”
…And I thought they smelled bad on the outside!
“Come on! The kid spit up in my mouth, and I don’t even LIKE breastmilk direct from the source!”
I already HAD a baby…and it was delicious. Don’t ask me to finish yours.
Ohhh, the baby made a huge Kanye in it’s diaper. Maybe it can go cry on Leno.
Seriously dude ! How is this baby gonna have a bigger junk then me !
” That’s not ‘making it work!’ That’s not even ‘making it apply for unemployment benefits!’ “
I said i wanted you to get “Rabies” not “Babies!”
Seriously, this is the worst puppet ever… It doesn’t even look real.
Look, we agreed on the phone, I am not giving you one penny over $10,000 for him! That includes the free year of diapers and the extended warranty!
“WTF! I told you to pop me out a new Nano not this bullshit!”
I don’t care WHAT went wrong! Just FIX the damn thing so we can change Chirs Hardwick back into an adult! Uh-oh, I think I feel something hard and phirm in his… I am NOT changing his diaper!
i wish the goblins would come and take you away right now!!!
Milo wonders if he has the strength to make it through yet another day of Dr. Ferber’s tough-love “cry it out” approach.
Listen kid, don’t you know that horizontal stripes make you look fat? Vertical stripes are slimming
No I will not reenact scenes from willow for you.