Hogwarts SNAPS


Two weeks ago, in the midst of a Harry Potter nerd session I said to a friend of mine, “McGonagall’s p**sy so hairy HAGRID wu’ent gamekeep it” and thus “Hogwart’s SNAPS” was born. Naturally, I slapped it onto Twitter not really thinking it would get much more than a “wah-WAH.” Instead, other H-Snaps began to slowly trickle in, so in a spontaneous moment of excitement and nerdiness I threw down the Hogwarts SNAPS challenge, with first prize being a $50 iTunes gift card.

What I further hadn’t expected was that my Tweet-test would generate nearly 400 entires. Needlesstosay (a fun mega-word), it took me a while to put everything together and for that, I apologize. If you still care, I have finally posted the winner:

Yo momma so fat her patronus is a cake

Congratulations to R_Silent! It is important to note that there was a lot of cross-over with the entries. There were a couple other food patroni (I took Latin) but this one was the first of its kind I saw. It made me laugh out loud then, and it has been the one that has stayed with me the last couple weeks when I describe the contest to people who don’t know about it. The sheer simplicity of a free-floating, wispy silver piece of cake is fantastic.

Below are some notable Honorable Mentions. They make my brain happy. For those of you with disposable amounts of time, you can see the COMPLETE list of every single entry here. But be WARNED kids! Some of these are filthy!

JanetVarney: Yo momma so fat the Sorting Hat put her in all four houses

chris8675309: Your momma so fat, she looked in the mirror of Erised and saw a ham

PeterVRules: Your momma’s so old she gave Nicholas Flamel his first handjob

chris8675309: Yo mamma so nasty, the order of the phoenix was “stay away from that bitch”

chris8675309: Yo mamma so stupid, she thinks Sirius Black is the soul station on satellite radio

sarazafar: Yo mama so fat she tried to eat Cornelius Fudge

dino_rider: Yo mama’s so ugly the Dementor’s Kiss was swapped out for a hearty handshake and a promise to give her a call sometime.

reppocs: Yo momma so black, she’d probably get sorted in to Ravenclaw and would be a minor character at best

bradheintz: Yo mama so nasty, Dobby wouldn’t take her sock

Burnaway: Yo momma so skanky, even her patronus got knocked up

chompychomp: Yo mama so stupid, she drowned in a pensieve

Dick_M: yo momma so dumb she thought that she could talk to snakes if she put parsley on her tongue

dtejano: Yo mama’s so masculine, she makes Dumbledore go, “DAAAYYYUMM!”

habcous: yo mamma so nasty, every pair of her panties has the Dark Mark

HakSolo: your mom is so fat if she confronted a boggart it would morph into a treadmill

finnigan37: Your mama’s so nasty she got naked and turned @The_Real_Shaq into @The_Shrieking_Shack

dantelfer: Yo mamma so fat, she has to enchant her panties into a portkey to get out of a chair

dantelfer: Yo mamma’s cooch is so nasty it has its own house elf

dirk_funk: Yo mama so fat it takes two boggarts to shape-shift into her

Kingdaddy1773: Your family is so poor you have to bus in from Narnia every morning

MarioEGarcia: yo mama so poor she went to Honeydukes and put a chocolate frog on layaway

melgotserved: Yo momma’s so fat she got stuck in the Floo Network

melgotserved: Yo momma’s so fat her wand is a Slim Jim

MikeDrucker: Yo’ Momma so fat she joined the Death Eaters ’cause she was hungry

MikeDrucker: After she’s done being skanky, yo’ momma hides her tramp stamp by saying “Mischief Managed”

MsJG: Yo Momma’s so fugly that even Voldemort won’t speak her name

nicofopolous: Yo Momma’s so muggles she gave my hog warts

nthornton: Your momma’s ass is so saggy, she’s being sued for copyright infringement by Neville Longbottom

paulscheer: Yo Mamma is so fat that even the Dementors can’t suck out her soul in one sitting

phirm: Mama so nasty, everybody call her “She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Naked”

phirm: Yo mama so fat you couldn’t find her pu**y with the Room of Requirement

PinheadX: Yo mamma coochie so hairy it look like she ridin’ a Nimbus 2000 backwards

TheonetrueCams: your mum’s P#$$y is like the Slytherin common room, it smells foul and its always full of snakes

TheonetrueCams: Yo Mum is just like a Dementor, always looking for some “Serious” Black

Taborifica: Yo momma so fat even her Quidditch robes have stretch marks

randbot: yo mama so fat, when your parents have sex yo daddy gotta cast “accio vagina”

Thanks to everyone who participated! You’re all huge nerds and for that, I love you. Again, for the complete list of submissions you may go here.

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