Do you have that one poisonous friend who seems to THRIVE on delivering bad news? Just like the very first Debbie Downer sketch on SNL (ONLY the first one–you can delete the subsequent ones from your mental file tree). People LOVE giving bad news. They love it. This is because negative information GREATLY empowers the giver and makes them feel important. Why? Because we listen. It affects us. We pay more attention to bad news because it feels more real for some reason. (Also, it’s rude to respond to someone who’s just told you about something terrible with, “…Aaaaaaand?”)
So then what starts to happen? We expect more bad news. When we do that we start to see more bad news. Once we get used to seeing more bad news we begin to actively seek it out. Sunshine is boring to us. You know how younger girls tend to screw the grease-enhanced jerkwads who blow them off rather than the nice guys who show up on time with flowers? That’s how we are with news: the more awful it is, the more we want to get it inside us. And when we build our world view around the idea that we live in this fucked up Matrix of despair, it weighs on us even when we don’t realize it. The response to my recent panic attack post was overwhelming. As I sifted through the comments and emails I received, I felt like I noticed a recurring theme of “I don’t know why but I’ve been getting more panic attacks lately.” Naturally, I have an unsolicited theory: I think the present “Mondo Apocolypto” P.O.V. in our country is largely to blame, and it’s fired into our faces EVERY DAMN DAY by the tragedy whores of the News Media.
WE GET IT. THERE’S AN ECONOMIC CRISIS. WE’RE IN A DEPRESSION. They even went as far as to inform us, “Hey, remember 2007? We didn’t know it then, but that was a Depression too!” just to make sure that any recent memories were also charred in the magma of despondency. WAR, DEATH, NATURAL DISASTERS: The manna of the Media. You think all of that blackness running in the background of our emotional desktop isn’t going to have a profound affect on our mental state? OF COURSE IT IS. Yes, it’s important to be informed about the world, but it’s ALSO important to keep in mind that it’s not all horrifying. NEVER forget that news shows and newspapers are run by companies that survive on ad sales driven by ratings, and the best way to achieve that is to keep you shitting in your Dockers so you’ll tune in. (That part’s actually ok. You should’ve gotten rid of the Dockers in ’99.)
It is therefore entirely your responsibility to make yourself feel better. No one’s going to do it for you. That sucks but sometimes you gottta work for things worth having. That is why it is imperative that you do the following: LOOK FOR GOOD NEWS. I know it’s campy and hokey but I believe it to be vital to your emotional survival. You don’t have to go on some kind of doe-eyed Pollyanna bender; just start out by taking five minutes a day to find something about the world to feel good and/or hopeful about. I Googled “happy” and found happynews.com, a site devoted solely to positive news stories (if you Google “good news” you may accidentally enroll in Bible college). As I tooled around the site, I swear to you I felt better inside–and I’m normally one of those cynical comedian types.
Read good news. Hug a flower. Look at a bunny. Doesn’t matter. Just create a space in your soul for hope. The reality you experience is almost wholly shaped by your perception of it. I’m not saying you have to believe that everything is awesome all of the time, but at least start to open the drapes in your brain and let some light in. Once you do you’ll get addicted to it and you’ll start to see the good in things (a good skill to have). That isn’t New Agey crap, that’s brain science, people! If I said to you, “Hey! Wingtips!” you would start to notice wingtip shoes everywhere and wonder if they were always there or if they coincidentally just started popping up. (I would then ask you why you lived in a 30s gangster movie where wingtips are so plentiful.)
I’d go even further to assert that if the media started reporting that the economy was turning around, people would start to unconsciously make it happen. Tensions would relax and consumer confidence would begin to increase because they would start to look for reasons to do so. I’m not advocating living in denial, but I am saying that there must be SOME good stuff happening. Why can’t we throw some focus on that? It would CERTAINLY help put us back on the right path. Things being as they are, however, that may not happen anytime soon so the onus is on you.
If you try this with some consistency, I guarantee it will ultimately affect you in ways you cannot imagine. It’ll be like pouring smiles on your brain. But be patient! You may not change overnight! A fast-moving plane can’t just flip a bitch–it has to turn into an arc and slowly make its way around to go the other direction. The same is true for your perception. Shape your reality. Don’t be a pawn for the darkness. YOU are in control. Your brain works for you, not the other way around. Find the good news.
P.S. – I heart you.
{ 73 comments… read them below or add one }
you just broke my brain XD
well great, I think I will look forward to your cynical comments this weekend…
I’ll give it a shot!!
Absolutely, we need more positivity in the world and alot more uplifting mindsets. Do you remember that one superbowl coke commercial? The one where it spoofed grand theft auto into a montage of good deeds? After watching that I had a great idea, and no it didnt involve going out and buying everyone in the world a coke. Everyone should do at least one good deed to help instill positivity in their community. Compliment a family member, compliment a friend, hell compliment a complete stranger. But I believe happiness is viral, and it can spread as quick as despair obviously has.
I went through a very real, very reasonable, very logical depression, completely unrelated to the the crap being shoveled by the tragedy whores whose livelihood depends on telling us all that the sky is falling RIGHT NOW.
I’m generally a very happy person, and I knew things were bad because even I didn’t like being around me. I didn’t know how to dig out… and then my faith kicked in.
It wasn’t in a sunshiny fake instant poof. To be honest, the reasons for my depression are still here… but my faith helped me shift my entire focus, and I’m not lost, hopeless, or alone anymore. Shoot… I even like being around me again.
If you’d like to follow my journey out of the darkness, feel free to visit my website. But be warned: I’ve been struggling with health problems, and they’re discussed there, and I was blogging in my pain, so that’s there. And like I said, it was my faith that led me out, and I’m very frank, open, and blunt about that, too. But it’s good news. It’s the story of one woman’s travel from darkness into light… and proof that even Christians can struggle with depression without being defeated.
And if you’re looking for good news, well, this is the best news I’ve had in a looong time.
Very insightful and true – I totally here you on the bad-news addiction thing. I play roller derby and at certain times with 30 chicks it really feels like we thrive off the drama.
I vow to check out happynews.com
ps. I heart you too
I read a study somewhere – damn me for not googling the link – that proved it was easier for people to think of positive things if you basically kept your body in a good posture (upright vs. slouched) and smiled. Conversly it was also true that while in that smiling good posture, it was more difficult to think of negative/bad thoughts.
I’ve been trying it ever since. It makes me feel like an idiot most of the time, but it works usually. Except, I’ve discovered recently, when find out your grandma is dieing. If you are told that news and just stand up straight and smile, you still feel horrible but also look like an asshole.
Every time a negative thought is vocalized into speech, Negative Energy is created. It is entirely correct that only we have the power to stop it one person at a time. Focus on the happiness, and be good to somebody you don’t know, and don’t be upset if it doesn’t immediately reciprocate, it doesn’t work that way. To spread further positive energy, this article was *awesome* Chris! Keep up the good work, and have a jolly upbeat day!
i think this is how scientology got started with this exact word for word blog, then the aliens and weird stuff come later.
Methinks you’ve got a point. And you remind me of what Victor Frankl says in his book, Man’s Search for Meaning. He was a Jewish doctor and during WWII he was put in a concentration camp. In his book he talks about how he dealt with it. Two things he discusses resonate for me to this day: first, even though he didn’t know where his wife was — she was also in the camps, but men and women were separated — or even if she was alive, he would think about her and still feel the love they shared, and it was a tremendous comfort to him. And two, he argues that even when you can’t choose your circumstance, you can ALWAYS choose your attitude. He writes that in the camps, survival was more about being able to stay focused on survival and mentally “escape” your surroundings by noticing the world around you than about being the strongest or physically healthiest. And yes, his is an extreme example, but really, if he could do it, what’s our excuse?
Damn this blog is becoming easily one of my favorite places to check up on. Thanks Chris for picker upper. You rock man and I am going to check this site out. “Chris Hardwick, saving all nerdkind one blog post at a time.”
Well, looking at a bunny should be simple enough; I have two of them. Rufus will appreciate the extra happiness-fueled gazes, I’m sure… though she’ll probably just want more food instead, that fatty.
P.S. – happeh: http://smg.photobucket.com/albums/v156/IRAQisBURNING/january%202009/mice.jpg
I’ve been feeling pretty down lately myself; the non-specific gray sky blahs that make it harder to get out of bed in the morning. I have to remind myself that I personally don’t have any reason to feel this way.
I’m doing fine; I have a job that pays fairly well and I have savings just in case. My life is far from perfect, but it doesn’t have to be for me to be happy. It’s the media glut of horrible news that’s weighing down on me with nothing to balance it out.
You reminded me that I’m not going to find that balance without seeking it out in this doomsday climate. I think I’ll go on a little news blackout for a while; read fiction that makes me laugh and maybe plant some indoor herbs so that I can watch something grow. The news world will still be there when I come back a little healthier.
Thanks!
That is exactly the reason why I’ve stopped watching the news. All that war, death and crisis is totally draining my happy aura. To pick my mood up again I watch funny clips from YouTube. Works like an anti-voodoo doll on a Mardi Gras.
P.S. The picture got me to read the article. Gotta go hopping with bunnies now.
Yes, the negative media has a definite effect. I feel way more crappy after I watch a particular segment of any news channel, even when I avoid Fox (though I did get a kick out of their reaction to Obama’s win, because they all pouted). I also have a whole host of crap stuff going on in my personal life what with the terminal illnesses and the hospitalizations and all.
But you know what? I just focus on the happy stuff. I have a cat. He wedges himself between my husband’s face and my face in the mornings and purrs loud enough to wake us up. I have a great husband, who is wonderful and thoughtful and cuddly. I have chocolate. I can bake a mean cupcake. Modern travel allows me to be at the side of any family member who needs me with very short notice. And my friends are freakin’ awesome.
There are so many reasons for me to be happy even in the face of adversity, and I challenge everyone, even those who who think they are mired in shit, to find at least one thing they are happy for. I’ll bet you’ll find many more.
I agree with the previous comments’ “thanks”. It’s great to read about your real life musings in addition to your other nerdist content.
Not to sound even hokier, but I’ve found that writing daily gratitude lists are remarkably helpful, simple ways to keep myself grounded and reminded of a few good things each day. Remembering that I’m grateful for having running water and heat, that I have good food to eat, etc. is a way to keep me right sized and focused on the good things (usually at least five or so) for that day. It’s no panacea for solving–or denying–everything that’s legitimately bad in my life at the moment but a list of a few, basic positive things does sort of keep the bad stuff in perspective.
I have to say that the past few blog post of yours have totally made my day. I totally agree that as a country we need to just bliss out for a second.
Good GOD, I *heart* this post. Starting tomorrow, I’m going to actively seek out some good news.
Not today though. I’ve already watched the news, not seen any bunnies, gotten too many tweets from themediaisdying, etc. Today is SHOT.
Tomorrow though…look out!
Gottta in paragraph 4 = really, really, really gotta.
I agree completely. And since the news media won’t help, I think it’s our job — writers, artists, comics, social media addicts — to help keep people looking up.
Great great great article!
People have been claiming this a long time, mostly in a douchey new-age fashion. And yes, that somehow never really added up to the credibility of such theories.
But hey, this actually works. Don´t believe the hype, believe the nerdist!
For those of you who read Spanish, this good news site might also be great for all your good-news-needs.
Enjoy!
Awesome posts, this and the anxiety one. They are both true – my wife swears by the conscious happy thing and having to look for it sometimes. Also I notice that if I am happy, the people around me also have increased their happy stat. It is science but the pinko lesbian communist illuminates have tried to convince us it’s ghey just so they can keep us down – stick it to da man! Thanks Chris, I’m gonna try be more happy now.
I know exactly what you’re talking about. Over the last year or two I’ve realized how many of the people around me are fixated on everything horrible in the world. They’re so negative that it utterly drains me and I’m at the point where I just want to flee to some kind of Disney inspired promise land in the hopes that there are people out there who don’t react to every movie preview and TV ad with a “What the fuck is this bullshit! That’s the most retarded thing I’ve ever seen. Such a pathetic horrible rabble rabble rrrrraaaargghh” (Yes, my friends turn into Rage Fueled Zombies). Between having my parents get divorced, losing my job, and living with and around Hate Junkies I’m completely drained all the time, and want nothing more than to escape. I’ve been trying so hard lately to be more positive, not express every bad thought I have, and to not reinforce other people’s negativity. But it doesn’t seem to be doing anything to stem their tide. I just hope I can land a job in a far off state where I can start again and avoid all the Eeyore’s.
I need more Pollyanna’s in my life.
You guys are the friggin best. I so enjoy the Nerdist community. Thanks for providing such valuable insight. So many comment threads on the Webs are filled with venom and douchery, but there’s more to learn from reading your comments than a lot of blogs have to offer.
And, Jason: Yeah, that bitterness shit it poisonous. You shouldn’t have to fight it from your friends all the time. Save yourself!
I love your blog, especially the most recent content. I get excited when twitter says you have posted.
@Jason I am the Pollyanna for people in my life, Frankly, its exhausting and led to my panic attacks. Still, I see why others wish to be around me because I refuse to let things keep me down for long.
But, in all honesty, it is an exhausting role to play. So if you have a Pollyanna in your life and she needs a moment to herself, he/she probably deserves it. Give them a cookie and they will warm you with cheeriness.
Oft, the comedian is the one with tears behind the makeup. Hardwick, I’m sure you can appreciate that statement. You have to come from true trouble to understand how to enjoy life and make others happy.
While avoiding Debbie Downers, also avoid people who say “Everything bad happens to me!” at all costs. Those are the most destructive ones. And 99% of the time, the opposite of everything bad happens to them. They are drama!
May I suggest cuteoverload.com? I seriously did overload on cute! Makes my day!
Thanks, Christa! I sure love a good loris.
I once heard someone say, “Whatever you think about yourself, you’re right.” In other words, no matter what you believe about yourself, you’ll make it true–good or bad.
I always liked that.
While I’m a lil’ terrified by the “Laws of Attraction”-esque tone to this blog (don’t worry, I didn’t read The Secret either, I just have enuff pop cult refs to hate on everything), I can see the writing on the wall. Chris, you’re talking about me. I know you are. Because I just read my last bad news story on cnn.com. I don’t want to link it here, I’ll just tag it with family of five, suicide, California. I KNOW,/em> I should not be reading these stories. They multitab browsing just makes it so easy. I KNOW I am DEBBIE DOWNER. I realized it when I scared away a happily married, employed, new mommy at a birthday party. I cited December’s unemployment statistics breaking down by race and education level. She bolted when we were invited to come over to look at pictures of fuzzy kittens. That was my moment, my breakdown breakthrough.
It’s hard for a bad news junkie to quit. You don’t even want to be this way. But I found your blog via wired.com, Chris Hardwick. I’m hooking up with the good news (and I don’t mean Jesus–I gave my self to him LONG ago–and then he STOPPED calling).
Truer words were never spoken.
Check out Helpothers.org — it’s a cool “pay it forward” kind of site where people constantly talk about how much fun they have doing nice things for other people (like paying the toll for the car behind them) and will send you free “smile” cards to drop to keep the good stuff going.
That was one of the most deep rooted things I’ve ever heard anyone talk about. That being said I had to read it once or twice to get the full effect but it helped. It helped. Thank you Chris.
You know, Chris, pouring smiles on your brain can cause it to develop inoperable grin tumors.
Sorry, here you go: cutethingsfallingasleep.org
I completely agree…the media never reports on the thousands of planes that land safely, just the ones that crash. Even the headlines for the recent plane crash in the Hudson read, “Plane Crashes in Hudson” or “Water Ship Downed”. It’s not until you read the subheads that you see everyone survived. Negative first.
But ultimately, I think this phenomenon is caused by some innate desire in people to complain. I firmly believe that people are more unhappy if they have nothing to complain about and the media provides us with plenty of ammunition to add to our daily complaint log.
An eleventy-one year old reptile daddy. That’s the coolest thing I’ve heard all week (and probably all year)! I’m favoriting that site. Thanks for the tip, Chris! Your blogs often help me look at life in different ways.
Whenever I feel like the world has turned into a big S-hole I look up random animals on youtube, then sift through the nutshots and animal sex to find cute animals. It might sound a little feminine but it works, animals always help.
Awesome article, Chris, and I would agree that if the media would start telling people that things were looking up, people would alter their behavior and things really would change. We are a nation of sheep and we all need to take responsibility for our own way in life, not what the media tell us it will be.
BTW… I started following you on Twitter and then following your blog here… I admire you more and more each day. Keep up the good work!
Whenever I get glum, down or all Counting Crowsy, I go to my spam folder and read all the emails telling me I’ve won a foreign lottery I didn’t realize I had entered of have a business proposal from a contact in Nigeria that involves me getting loads of cash.
Hey! Missy B Here. I don’t know if you remember me, but you listed Mikebee (Battags) and I once, a year or so ago for a really great show at the Punchline in SF. (Thanks again!) and I sent you chocolate.. Maybe rememberings?
So I’ve been creepin’ around following your tweets and blog posts and I just wanted to say thanks! You’re so clearly articulating fear and panic and you’re just being so fucking honest. It’s so hard to write about things that are so emotionally loaded and you’re just tearin’ it up.. Your posts are great.. Love them..
I don’t know if anyone’s mentioned it already, but this is an amazing magazine “For intelligent optimists” http://www.odemagazine.com/ It’s not precious or hokey, it’s just really good writing on genuinely positive steps being taken in the world.. pretty much what’s going right.. It’s a lot like the Utne Reader in that they republish articles sometimes when they don’t write them themselves. Super smart. Totally dig ‘em.
So thanks again for your great voice!!
Come back to SF!!
Sir,
Thank you for reminding me of an underpinning of my own philosophy, which had slipped away like so much equity.
“You can either be reasonably unhappy, or unreasonably happy. I choose unreasonably happy.”
Not sure who to attribute that too — it could be Dan Millman, the gymnast/self-help guy — but it has helped me through hard times when I really DID have a choice.
Of course, some things just SUCK plain and simple. But we have more control than we realize over our own happiness.
I heart you, too, Chris.
And I heart your Unsolicited Advice. It always puts me in a better mood than I started with.
Nerdist > coffee
Amen! Great freaking post. Perception is reality, and if you start to look for good things to happen, they will. To steal from my favorite movie the Shawshank Redemption, “Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things. And no good thing ever dies.”
I think if people stopped feeling sorry for themselves and started looking for ways to better their lives we’d all be much better off.
NEWS SUCKS! That is almost all I need to say about that. It’s over-sensationalized money-making crap, aimed at scaring the masses into watching even more of it. It’s a big business, and big businesses are only in it for the money. They don’t care how hysterical people watching the News might get by seeing their story, they just want to shock you into thinking they are the ONLY source for all the things you need to know in order to keep you safe. The worlds a dangerous place, and they love nothing better than to remind you of that every 5 minutes. Fuck those mighty assholes. They are turning people into a bunch of non-trusting, shut-in retards who can’t think for themselves without CNN telling them what to do and where NOT to go.
I agree with you totally. A person needs some good news every once in a while, to offset the garbage bad news we always get. You have some great ideas on what might be causing more and more panic attacks and paranoia. I actually thought it was all the pot being smoked, but who am I to argue with your Hypothesis.
Michael
I like it!
In fact, at your prompting, I searched for something along the lines of “cheerful news” when I stumbled upon a BMJ study that I think ties nicely into your thesis: http://www.bmj.com/cgi/content/full/337/dec04_2/a2338
Now to figure out how to maintain an aura of cheerful while still being decidedly hilarious…
So are you saying I should check happy news first before I go to wiki deaths? Because normally, I head straight to see who died
Chris, I heart you and this entire idea, and the fact that it’s catching on with your readers. It absolutely IS brain science that you can improve the state you’re in, use your body to change your mind, and vice versa. Did you know that the muscles in your face that make you smile are controlled from a brain area contiguous to the one that pumps out endorphins (short for endogenous morphine, but I just call it “free crack”). So yeah, we smile because we feel good, but we also feel good because we smile. And remember that time you laughed so hard it hurt and you couldn’t stop? How does that feel different now?
I absolutely agree about the news. It can encourage us to filter our experience for negative examples. If we say “Hey, good stuff!” we’ll see stuff that’ll make us smile and laugh and cry tears of joy. People who sponsor news know that anxious people are driven to buy more of the sponsors’ products, so save your mind and your wallet by watching things that make you laugh instead. And then go out – go on, leave the house – and pretend that everyone you meet is wearing a sign that says “Please make me feel good about myself” and see if your day goes any different.
I just opened all the links that people posted. Cute things and happy abound! I am on a happiness kick that can’t be stopped by negativity and sadness!
Thanks Chris! And all the others for the great links and words of ‘get happy’!
I like you. You’re nice.
That’s really good advice/news. I’ve always thought that subconsciously but now you’ve brought it forward.
Some people are just miserable and you can’t let them (and boy do they try) to steal your bliss. I had a previous career in Psychology and I was dealing with some seriously troubled people and it use to really get me down; I felt empathy for them but it would impact me too as I’m human. My consulting Psychologist (when you’re a Psychologist you have to have a bigger more experienced one oversee your work) told me to imagine, when doing a session, a thick plexiglass wall between myself and the troubled individual that I could hear and see them yet I’d be shielded in a way. Long story I guess, but I sort of use that “plexiglass shield” when Debbie Downers in my life want to steal my joy.
I really liked that blog Chris. Your right about personal belief affecting the reality around you. If everyone weren’t so freaked out about the economy, it might right itself much sooner.
You don’t actually have to think of the news stories as bad or negative. They’re simply serious. There is a difference.
It might also be worth examining how one reacts verbally to events. Many people are so hyped up that every minor obstacle they encounter is met with a barrage of f-words. Yet in most cases, the problem doesn’t merit a response that extreme. I’m going to start by noticing how often I reach for a rude word, then see if I can not use it (I can always save it for that really special occasion). Forward to a future of tsk tsk!
Amen! A-FLIPPIN’-men!
I stopped watching the nightly news years ago for this very reason (although I’ve noticed a recent turnaround with NBC news; not All Happy News yet, but their effort is admirable).
About a year ago, I realized all the friends I had in my life, as fabulous as they are, do nothing but talk about what’s wrong — wrong with them, wrong with others, wrong with their jobs, wrong with the world. Criticism and commentary is their only way of communicating.
I took a quiet moment and told the universe I wanted positive people in my life — honest, yet encouraging; constructive, not destructive; doers, not talkers; those who come together in times of hardship rather than pulling away.
I’ve been stunned at the result. Some people I saw every day have drifted away. And other people, the most awesome people I’ve ever encountered, have come into my life. I’ve never even met some of them IRL, and know them only through online forums or their hip blogs. ;D
Abe Lincoln hit the nail on the head: Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be. And the person who responded earlier with a comment about posture is SO right. Sit up strong, open up that solar plexus and watch how quickly your outlook changes.
New Agey shit isn’t shit. Magic and mysticism is simply science which hasn’t been explained yet.
I completely less-than-three you, Chris!
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