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Nerdist was started by Chris Hardwick and has grown to be a many headed beast.

An Open Letter from Doc Brown to Marty McFly

by on January 22, 2009

Dear Marty-

docbrown

Having recently reviewed the surveillance footage of the events of the night you went back to 1985, I couldn’t help but be slightly taken aback by your spurious reasoning of only allowing TEN FUCKING MINUTES to SAVE MY GODDAMN LIFE. Ten minutes??? Really. You actually thought that you could get from the Courthouse to Twin Pines Mall (I’m sorry, I mean LONE Pine Mall now–way to run over a tree, fucknut) in ten minutes. What the fuck did you think that could accomplish? What were you going to do? Vanquish the Libyans with your shortness? Yeah, I said it. YOU’RE TINY. Like Ratatouille (2008 reference), but in a puffy vest . Listen, you little feathered-haired leprechaun, any one of these Hill Valley MOUTH-BREATHERS would have had the good sense to go back, oh I don’t know, AT LEAST A DAY to give me time to prepare for the Middle East extremists and their Summer of Love van of fucking DEATH, what with having a device that has mastered the dimension of TIME and all. And I’m INCLUDING Biff in that group. You are goddamn lucky that I have a compulsive disorder when it comes to taping paper back together. Otherwise you’d have been as useless as Einstein with a Vernier caliper. Mark my words, Stuart Little, as SOON as I get this DeLorean up and running again (thanks for turning my car into a fucking lightning rod, BTW) I SWEAR I am going to go back and convince Jennifer to dump your Hobbit ass so you can go on that dumbshit camping trip ALONE with nothing to do but jam your little meerkat penis into that extra sleeping bag in the back of your gaywad new truck. Then I’m going to fuck her into tomorrow…LITERALLY. How long am I going to tap that skinny bitch? “Ten minutes oughta do it!” You vapid douche.

Thanks for watching me get shot twice,

docbrownsig21

PS – You’re a fucking CHICKEN.

 
77 comments read them below or add one

  2. Okay, I know I’m reading this waaay after the fact, but Marty went back to 1955, not 1959… Otherwise, great post Marty…
    ROTFL about the FUTURE not leaving a baby trail. Love it!

  4. I feel like I have found home. To think, all the years I thought I was the only one thinking “10 fucking minutes?” Thank you for finally giving me peace.

  7. That wasn’t funny in the slightest. Not even close to being “in character” for Doc Brown. So it just comes off as a lame, expletive filled pile of lameness. If it were in character, it would be a funny joke. This is just dumb.

  11. ooooh. ooooh i loved this. there isn’t even a word. i kneel before u. . . . wait that sounds dirty. . . um. . . hey follow me on twitter – calamityjane627

    xoxo!

  12. That is one of the funniest things I’ve read in a long long time. Thank you Will Wheaton for pointing this out and giving Chris the inspiration for write such a brilliant piece of history.

  13. Funny shit, Chris. Thanks, Will for bringing it up. BTW, the last time I ran across you (you being Will, not Chris) in person was at Virtual World in Pasadena. Just wanted to up your nerd cred. :)

  20. Currently watching BTTF trilogy, and just shared this on my FB… pure comedy.

    Also @dingo I am also of the Virtual World of Pasadena, just thought I’d represent!

  21. Hello Chris, I really enjoy your Podcast and Television show. I discovered doctor who about two years and I’m obsessed. I would love to get started on star trek, I realize most people would probably say how dare I proclaim I’m a ‘nerd’ without having seen star trek. I was wondering if i should start with the next generation or classic star trek . Thank you for taking time to read this and keep on entertaining.

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